# Got any St Pat's Day jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2018, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550 "2018-03-14T15:29:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/61 "2018-03-16T01:22:58Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Yes. When I was 14. In 1982. It hasn’t aged well. Really? You find this funny? mmm ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/62 "2018-03-16T01:32:46Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > Really? You find this funny? Yes, of course. If you intentionally shoot yourself in the foot, I might feel sympathy for your pain, but it’s still funny. Oh, wait. I thought this was jokes that make Irish people laugh. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/63 "2018-03-16T01:34:01Z")
Here’s a song you can cover, perfect for the day: :D ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/64 "2018-03-16T01:39:59Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > Yes, of course. If you intentionally shoot yourself in the foot, I might feel sympathy for your pain, but it’s still funny. See post #35. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/65 "2018-03-16T01:50:19Z")
A Scotsman left the pub drunk, and passed out on the street. His kilt was turned up and his penis was clearly visible. The Next morning, some little girls walked by, giggled, and tied a big ribbon to it. When the Scotsman woke up, he noticed the ribbon, and smiled, “I dunno where ye’ve been, laddie, but I see you won first prize.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/66 "2018-03-16T02:01:51Z")
> [@Reeses\_Monkey](#): > > How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? > None! > [@Dinsdale](#): > > Yeah - I’d forgotten that one (and find it hilarious!) > [@kayaker](#): > > Wanna hear some Ethiopian jokes? > [@Riemann](#): > > Why would this be a problem? Are you promoting the stereotype of the Irish as drunken violent brawlers? > [@muldoonthief](#): > > As opposed to your two knee-slappers? I don’t even have to look into the bastion of civility to know where all this attention came from, now do I? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/67 "2018-03-16T02:06:37Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > A Scotsman left the pub drunk, and passed out on the street. His kilt was turned up and his penis was clearly visible. The Next morning, some little girls walked by, giggled, and tied a big ribbon to it. > > When the Scotsman woke up, he noticed the ribbon, and smiled, “I dunno where ye’ve been, laddie, but I see you won first prize.” [The Scotsman.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2VayTZ_gPo) As heard on Dr. Demento’s show. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/68 "2018-03-16T02:25:05Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Really? You find this funny? > mmm I said I’d heard it, not that I thought it was funny. Although when I was 14 I would have probably made homo jokes too: thankfully, I grew up in the intervening generation and a half. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/69 "2018-03-16T07:11:17Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I don’t even have to look into the bastion of civility to know where all this attention came from, now do I? > > :dubious: Lighten up Francis ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/70 "2018-03-16T08:05:31Z")
Tragic news: Ireland’s worst ever air accident was announced today, as a 4-seater Cessna plane crashed into St. Mary’s churchyard in Dublin. So far they’ve found over 1000 bodies and workers say there’s more to come. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/71 "2018-03-16T15:54:28Z")
Padraig lay on his deathbed, knowing he had only hours left to live. He smelled the aroma of corned beef and cabbage\* wafting up from the kitchen. He calls to his wife, ‘Molly, Dear Heart, before I pass, I’d love for you to bring me a last bowl of your wonderful corned beef and cabbage!’ Molly calls back, ‘Sure an’ I can’t do that! I’m savin’ it for the wake!’ \*Yes, I know. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/72 "2018-03-16T15:57:00Z")
What’s an Irishman’s idea of foreplay? “Brace yourself, Bridget!” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/73 "2018-03-16T17:20:20Z")
Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/74 "2018-03-16T17:22:34Z")
Why do people keep posting Scotsman jokes in a St. Patricks day joke thread? Are you drunk already? ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/75 "2018-03-16T17:23:17Z")
Just the punch lines… “35, are ya? And you still believe in leprechauns?” “Sure, and I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!” “Ah, tisn’t bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.” ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/76 "2018-03-16T18:35:51Z")
Paddy walks into the pub, and the barkeep says, “Paddy, do my eyes deceive me or have you got a steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?” Paddy replies, “Aye, and it’s drivin’ me nuts!” ---
**Author:** ![DChord568](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@DChord568](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DChord568)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/77 "2018-03-16T18:42:40Z")
This one works best if the dialogue is drawn out a bit, and also benefits from the Irish brogue. But I’ll adhere to the OP’s request as best I can… After being at the pub for several hours, Paddy and Mike are really in their cups. Paddy turns to Mike and says, “Mike, when I’m dead and buried, I want you to take a bottle of the finest Irish whiskey and pour it over me grave. Will ye do that for me?” Mike replies, “Sure and I will…but would ye mind very much if it passed through me kidneys first?” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/78 "2018-03-16T18:49:28Z")
Just a response to all the “Irishman drinking beer” jokes… _Give an Irishman lager for a month and he’s a dead man. An Irishman is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper, and is the saving of him._ — Mark Twain, attributed (No, I don’t find it particularly funny, but we Irish love literary references) ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/79 "2018-03-16T19:26:37Z")
A FARK Headline: > **[How to make a Lucky Charms Pie for St. Patrick's day. Now where's me lucky...](https://www.fark.com/comments/9951186/How-to-make-a-Lucky-Charms-Pie-for-St-Patricks-day-Now-wheres-me-lucky-insulin)** > > How to make a Lucky Charms Pie for St. Patrick's day. Now where's me lucky insulin? > [@](#): > > How to make a Lucky Charms Pie for St. Patrick’s day. Now where’s me lucky insulin? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2018, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550/80 "2018-03-16T19:58:38Z")
Not short, but I don’t care. Two leprechauns go all timid into a church. One of them goes up to the priest and says, “Father, can I trouble ye to answer a question?” “To be sure, son, what’s botherin ye?” “Father,” the leprechaun says, “Are there any leprechaun nuns in this parish?” The priest smiles. “No, me son, I’m afraid there are no leprechaun nuns in this parish.” The leprechaun thinks. “Aye, then, can ye tell me: are there any leprechaun nuns in Ireland?” “No, me son, there are no leprechaun nuns in Ireland, why d’ye ask?” The leprechaun looks distressed now. “Father, tell me true, are there any leprechaun nuns in this whole world?” “I’m sorry, me son, there are no leprechaun nuns in this whole world!” At this point, the other leprechaun bursts out laughing and punches his friend. “I TOLD ye! I TOLD ye ye fooked a penguin!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-any-st-pats-day-jokes/810550.md?page=5)