# Got hell?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 15, 2006, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600 "2006-07-15T12:25:48Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2006, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/1 "2006-07-15T12:25:48Z")
As a Catholic, I \*know \* I am going to hell. Coming from a long line of superstitious Slovak peasants, guilt and despair runs deep in my veins. Sometimes, idly, I envision my personal version of hell. After refinement, my conclusion is this.
A cocktail waitress on an overbooked Disney cruise with Garrison Keillor droning on the PA system. With a bad case of the stomach flu.
Surely others out there have contemplated their eternal damnation. I am curious as to what everyone else’s hell looks like.
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### Author:  [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2006, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/2 "2006-07-15T12:28:11Z")
Me, alone, in a 5x5 metal box, for eternity. No people, no sounds, no stimulus of any kind. Just that, forever.
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### Author:  [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)
#### Post date: [July 15, 2006, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/3 "2006-07-15T13:15:41Z")
Being locked alone in a room with a telephone that only accepts incoming calls.
And that phone number being on every damned telemarketing/fundraising/political soliciting list right across the known universe. There’s no DNC list in HELL.
😛
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### Author:  [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/4 "2006-07-16T01:54:58Z")
Hell, for me, is a never-ending 8th grade graduation ceremony. With the junior high band playing (off-key and off-tempo), and speeches by local Kiwanis and politicians, only the acoustics are horrible and the sound system is from 1947 so you can’t understand a word anyone says, and it’s crowded and hot and they never seem to run out of “Special Achievement Awards” to hand out.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/5 "2006-07-16T03:15:54Z")
I am fully confident that R. Lee Ermey will be awaiting me in the afterlife to exact everlasting revenge on my unmanly liberal civilian ass.
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### Author:  [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/6 "2006-07-16T05:25:17Z")
Hell would be on an endless bus ride, forever surrounded by teenagers swapping their damned ringtones, talking at the top of their voices because, like, you know, we can’t hear ourselves because everyone’s talking at the top of their voices, like, y’know?
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/7 "2006-07-16T05:32:15Z")
Copy editing incendiary, poorly written articles espousing beliefs I could not oppose more if I one day became the focal point of a lab exercise on self immolation protesting same articles.
(Sadly, this would–for some aspects of my work–only be more of the same.)
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### Author:  [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/8 "2006-07-16T07:18:22Z")
If R. Lee Ermy is awaiting me at the lake of fire, I’ll kick his ass.
I’m not the ass-kickin’ type, but I’m just sayin’.
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/9 "2006-07-16T08:11:28Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#):
>
> Me, alone, in a 5x5 metal box, for eternity. No people, no sounds, no stimulus of any kind. Just that, forever.
That’s mine. I’ll be in a similar box. (God willing not, but.)
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### Author:  [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/10 "2006-07-16T11:00:38Z")
> [@Kythereia](#):
>
> That’s mine. I’ll be in a similar box. (God willing not, but.)
You know the weird thing is I would gladly take a couple thousand years turn in the same box for a restful little relief from hell.
I wouldn’t be without stimulation, though. Cause if my mind is functioning, I’m making up stories.
I suppose my hell would be to be unable to remember the names of the people I had made up in the first thousand years’ stories…
lame
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### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/11 "2006-07-16T21:12:59Z")
Stuck in the same room Fran Drescher and Roseanne Barr have an eternal screaming fight, while Billy Ray Cyrus tries to drown them out by endlessly performing “Achy Breaky Heart”.
Oh yeah, and the room is on fire.
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### Author:  [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/12 "2006-07-16T21:15:07Z")
Fran Drescher will be my boss on the Disney cruise…
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### Author:  [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/13 "2006-07-16T22:08:28Z")
> [@dahfisheroo](#):
>
> Fran Drescher will be my boss on the Disney cruise…
Being a permanent Disney Cruise hostess is part of Fran Drescher’s hell, I imagine.
Not that I spend a lot of time pondering Fran’s fantasies OR nightmares, mind you.
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### Author:  [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/14 "2006-07-16T22:19:25Z")
Having me as her employee would definitely factor in to her version of hell.
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### Author:  [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/15 "2006-07-16T22:37:44Z")
> [@dahfisheroo](#):
>
> As a Catholic, I \*know \* I am going to hell. Coming from a long line of superstitious Slovak peasants, guilt and despair runs deep in my veins. Sometimes, idly, I envision my personal version of hell. After refinement, my conclusion is this.
>
> A cocktail waitress on an overbooked Disney cruise with Garrison Keillor droning on the PA system. With a bad case of the stomach flu.
>
> Surely others out there have contemplated their eternal damnation. I am curious as to what everyone else’s hell looks like.
You forgot the 25 foot seas attendant seasickness.
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/16 "2006-07-16T23:32:57Z")
I’m not going to hell. I ordered my “[Get out of Hell Free](http://www.goohf.com/)” cards and got them last week.
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### Author:  [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)
#### Post date: [July 16, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/17 "2006-07-16T23:49:43Z")
I went to hell and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?
[https://secure.thisistrue.com/tshirts.html](https://secure.thisistrue.com/tshirts.html)
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### Author:  [@CoBa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoBa)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/18 "2006-07-17T14:03:31Z")
Mine would be pretty normal, but all day, I will hear 12-year-old AIMers and crappy commercials all day long in my head. Imagine: “Freeeeeee Credit Report DOT Com! s0 1337 d|\_|d3” Just the thought of it is enough to cause frothing insanity.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/19 "2006-07-17T14:17:20Z")
My version of hell?
A crowded, confined place where everyone, including me, is _required_ to smoke. All food items would include lots of cheese. There would be many mean drunks, but alcohol would not being solace or forgetfulness. It would be hot and humid. The lights would be on all the time.
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### Author:  [@Twinkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Twinkie)
#### Post date: [July 17, 2006, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/got-hell/364600/20 "2006-07-17T14:17:22Z")
> [@Ice Wolf](#):
>
> Hell would be on an endless bus ride, forever surrounded by teenagers swapping their damned ringtones, talking at the top of their voices because, like, you know, we can’t hear ourselves because everyone’s talking at the top of their voices, like, y’know?
I live in your hell right now. Only I have them all in my suburan death machine (the SUV), so I can’t even change my seat. I’m driving.
My hell looks like the DMV, or maybe the entry gates at Disney. There’s a sign that says, “Hell. Line Forms Here.” There are 3 lines. Two of them are moving along. Mine isn’t moving at all. If I switch lines, my new line stops moving, and my old line picks up. So I get to just wait. And wonder. And wait. And wait. And it’s hot. And the other people are close talkers, or they smell funny, or they’re just not nice (which, I guess, makes sense, since they’re in hell, too).