# Grammar Nazis – Need Answer Fast **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 21, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462 "2012-10-21T23:09:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/1 "2012-10-21T23:09:59Z")
Please take a look at this wedding invitation and let me know about the our/their problem. John Smith & Janice Humperdink along with their parents Cordially invite you to their wedding December 18th, 2013 at 6:30 pm At the Nabisco Tree House So would it be “our” parents and “our” wedding, or “their” parents and “their” wedding or a combination of the two. Thanks PS. John and Janice are paying for the majority of it. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/2 "2012-10-21T23:14:19Z")
“Our parents” “their wedding” ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/3 "2012-10-21T23:14:50Z")
“Their”. If you wanted “our”, you’d have to phrase as something like: We and our parents Cordially invite you to our wedding December 18th, 2013 at 6:30 pm … Regards, John Smith & Janice Humperdink (Who is paying does not enter into it.) ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/4 "2012-10-21T23:16:04Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > “Our parents” “their wedding” If you did that, some readers might think that it is the parents who are getting married. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/5 "2012-10-21T23:16:48Z")
In order to use “our”, it would have to be written as if by John or Janice (i.e., “John Smith and I invite you to our wedding”). There’s also a possible confusion by deviating from the standard of “parent 1 and parent 2 invite you to the wedding of their kids”, because saying “John and Janice and Bill and Mary and Ted and Eunice invite you to their wedding” kind of obscures exactly who’s getting married to whom, and what kind of underwear we should wear for the reception. ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/6 "2012-10-21T23:32:25Z")
I was under the impression that if the parents paid for the party, they invited the guests. If the people getting married paid, they invited the guests. The problem is that the people getting married are paying for the bulk of it, but they would still like to recognize their parents and their parents contributions. I’m kind of leaning towards “their” and “our” “Their” individual parents, “our” family’s marriage ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2012, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/7 "2012-10-21T23:59:36Z")
There are two grammatically correct options: 1. Our and our: as if you were speaking. 2. Their and their: as if the card was making an announcement on your behalf. Don’t mix “our” and “their.” Please. I beg of you. If you go with #1, **Giles** is right, you can’t use the names without some sort of awkward “We, John Smith and Janice Humperdink”. So: use your names, go with #2. And yes, technically, the host invites, and traditionally the host pays, but that’s etiquette and not grammar. Your guests do not need to know who is paying or what kind of deals go on behind the scenes, only who is getting married and when and where to show up. It does read rather like a group wedding of John & Janice & parents. Are you putting “parents” on the invitation because you feel like you should, or because the parents are truly hosting, or because they’d throw a hissy fit if they weren’t included? Maybe you should say “to a wedding,” since it’s obvious from context. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/8 "2012-10-22T00:28:25Z")
So is it an implicit admission of “Grammar Nazi” status by simply responding to the OP’s question? If that’s the case, “no reply”. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/9 "2012-10-22T00:44:00Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So is it an implicit admission of “Grammar Nazi” status by simply responding to the OP’s question? If that’s the case, “no reply”. No – perhaps John and Janice are the “Grammar Nazis” who “Need Answer Fast”. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/10 "2012-10-22T01:21:30Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Don’t mix “our” and “their.” Please. I beg of you. This, which ever you choose. I think using _their_ is correct if you are using your names, in the way you have in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/11 "2012-10-22T03:35:00Z")
The example in the OP is fine. Now, have the fiance and fiancee registered with the racial purity board? (Oops, never mind, wrong kind of Nazis…) ---
**Author:** ![sitchensis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sitchensis/32/4892_2.png) [@sitchensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sitchensis)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/12 "2012-10-22T17:46:08Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > The example in the OP is fine. > > Now, have the fiance and fiancee registered with the racial purity board? (Oops, never mind, wrong kind of Nazis…) Thanks everyone, The consensus seems to be, their and their. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/13 "2012-10-22T17:49:28Z")
Also, you don’t need the “th” in “December 18th, 2013”. ---
**Author:** ![Grestarian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grestarian/32/3227_2.png) [@Grestarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grestarian)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-nazis-need-answer-fast/638462/14 "2012-10-22T23:34:31Z")
This isn’t a grammar question, it’s a wedding invitation etiquette question. Going with the super-old traditions, you disregard the accountant and honor the bride’s parents: \*\*\*Mr. Frank and Elizabeth Humperdink \*\*\* cordially invite you to honor their daughter _**[FONT=Times New Roman]Janice**_[/FONT] as she is joined in holy matrimony to the esteemed [FONT=Times New Roman]_ **John Smith** _[/FONT] [FONT=Impact]Noon this[/FONT] [FONT=Impact]Saturday[/FONT] 29 February [FONT=Impact]2001[/FONT] at [FONT=Arial Narrow]Holy Trinity Synagogue[/FONT] 1234 Balderdash Street Utopia, QA 99625 United States —G!