# Grammar question: who - whom **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [October 16, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797 "2001-10-16T19:50:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lather\_rinse\_repeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/977dab/32.png) [@lather\_rinse\_repeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lather_rinse_repeat)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/1 "2001-10-16T19:50:42Z")
I’m not sure when to use _who_, and when to use _whom_. If someone could provide an explanation that doesn’t require an English degree to understand, I would be very grateful. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/2 "2001-10-16T19:59:38Z")
Think of it this way: Easy guide: “whom” follows “to”: a) To whom it may concern: b) the girl is the one to whom I refer. c) I am the one to whom this letter is addressed. vs. d) I am the one who wrote this post! Unless there’s some exception, this works for me! -Jinx ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Zambezi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7cd45c/32.png) [@Mr.Zambezi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Zambezi)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/3 "2001-10-16T20:06:01Z")
Who is a subject, whom is an object. in other words, "who hits whom.’ and never the other way around. The way I learned it was to replace teh word in question with the 3rd party pronoun. So in I was thinking “you hit who? Whom?” I would throw in “You hit he?” Well that is obvious. It should be “him” So it must also be “whom”. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/4 "2001-10-16T20:13:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jinx \* > \*\*Think of it this way: Easy guide: “whom” follows “to”: > > c) I am the one to whom this letter is addressed. > > Unless there’s some exception, this works for me! > -Jinx \*\* This rule is a little too general to be reliable. For example: Give the letter to him. BUT: Give the letter to whoever answers the door. In this case “whoever” is correct, because it is the subject of "X answers the door. The error of using “whom” or “whomever” in this type of construction is a common one. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/5 "2001-10-16T20:14:50Z")
If the who/whom comes after a preposition - to, for, about, with - you use “whom.” Even if you incorrectly move the preposition away from the “whom” - for example, “I don’t know whom I’m speaking to” - you’d still use “whom” because “whom” is still the object of the preposition “to” even though the sentence is rearranged. For all other instances, make a new sentence for everything from the who/whom to the end of that phrase and substitute either “he” or “him” for the who/whom. Don’t add any other words, don’t change any words except the who/whom - just rearrange them. If you would use “him,” then the sentence would take “whom.”. E.g., **I called my mom, who/whom lives in CT, to see if she was home.** Who/whom lives in CT? _She_ lives in CT. Therefore, the correct word to use is “who.” **Who/whom makes that decision?** _He_ makes that decision. Therefore, use “who.” **Who/whom** does one ask for help? One does ask _him_ for help. Therefore, use “whom.” This is the easiest way to distinguish between the two, and you don’t have to know anything about grammar to get it right. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/6 "2001-10-16T20:19:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jinx \* > **Think of it this way: Easy guide: “whom” follows “to”:** In my haste, I overlooked the fact you might not realize the need for “to” either! I default to the other postings, but one word of caution, though: Some examples given are in the form of a question. Questions have a slightly different structure, and one must rearrange the verbiage before trying to apply the common sentence patterns. - Jinx ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grammar-question-who-whom/87797/7 "2001-10-16T20:20:26Z")
Oh dear, I forgot about that exception to the preposition rule. :o