# Grandma's say the darndest things **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2007, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628 "2007-03-19T21:26:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/21 "2007-03-20T19:01:35Z")
My Grammy was a coarse woman. Her pet name for any random grandchild was Shithead. (Well, come on. With 56 grandchildren, you’d have trouble with names, too!) My mom didn’t think it was funny, but we thought it was hilarious. “Come here, you little shithead, and give me a hug!” Lordy, I miss her. ---
**Author:** ![nonacetone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonacetone/32/2819_2.png) [@nonacetone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nonacetone)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/22 "2007-03-20T19:11:21Z")
When we took my 91 year old grandma to Pizza Hut last summer, she told the waitress that she wanted, “Some of that marijuana. And a lot of it!” Dear Og. She meant to say ‘marinara’. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![2pelo\_honey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/ecb155/32.png) [@2pelo\_honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2pelo_honey)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/23 "2007-03-20T19:59:09Z")
Back in the 70’s, my sister had a little trouble w/ a cocker pup she’d bought for my niece, who was around 4 (?) at the time. He was extremely high-strung, and also had a bad habit of jumping on whatever was around and humping on it. In discussing it one day, my dear maternal grandmother, the sweetest thing on earth, piped in to tell my sister: “You should really be careful about that, I heard of a girl who had puppies.”…seriously. I was only a young teenager at that time, but had to leave the room. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2007, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/24 "2007-03-20T23:30:27Z")
[QUOTE=Lissa] One day, my grandma and I were talking about a friend’s baby. “Poor thing,” grandma said. “It’s just as ugly as a dick.” I froze. My grandma is a very ladylike woman and would never, ever say that word if she thought it had a vulgar meaning. I was hesitant to address it for fear of embarassing her, so I let it go. I even wrote a thread about it to see if anyone else had ever hear this term and what, excatly, a “dick” is in this context. No one knew. [/QUOTE] Trust me, I’ve seen mine. She had to have meant dick. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/25 "2007-03-21T00:53:36Z")
My husband’s Grandma, used to get her words mixed up. She was telling us how a friend of hers wanted to be put in a _urine_ when he died. “That’s just not right. When you die, you should be buried. Not put in some urine.” It wasn’t until she mentioned that the urine would be kept on a shelf, that we realized she meant “urn”. She also used to say that her doctor told her to stay away from high _“attitudes.”_ Being around high attitudes would make her have difficulty breathing. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/26 "2007-03-21T01:28:19Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] Trust me, I’ve seen mine. She had to have meant dick. [/QUOTE] **Lissa** ’s grandmother has seen your dick? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Strain\_of\_Thought](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Strain\_of\_Thought](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strain_of_Thought)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/27 "2007-03-21T08:29:34Z")
My Grandmother is still alive, and she can be unbelieveably obnoxious. She often refuses to directly ask for something she wants you to do for her- so I’ll be minding my own business at thanksgiving when she’ll start loudly talking to herself about how heavy the turkey is and how nice it would be if someone was there who could help her carry it, etc. She will do this with increasing volume until you stop what you are doing and help her, but if you ask her first if she wants help she will sometimes deny it. She will not, under any circumstances, actually ask you to do something for her, because then she would be _indebted_. Also, if you ask her to hand you something, (like, say, a cooking utensil) she will hold it out to you, allow you to grasp it, but then not let go of it until you have first thanked her for having handed it to you. As a kid this drove me up the wall. ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/28 "2007-03-21T12:01:41Z")
[QUOTE=Duck Duck Goose] Cats fur to make kitten britches. I’ve been listening to it for 33 years now, and it still makes me want to pound her on the head. “What does that MEAN??” [/QUOTE] Either you remember wrong what sort of questions she uses the expression in response to, or she’s using the expression wrong. The phrase is properly used in response to questions containing “what … for?” (what for = what fer = what fur). DDG asks: What’s that for? Dearest Beloved Mother-in-law responds: What’s that fer? That’s cat fur to make kitten britches. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/29 "2007-03-21T12:30:33Z")
[QUOTE=yanceylebeef] … Everything else was fine, no paralysis, slurred speech or pain, just “Piano Piano Piano” in a kind of sing song voice. It still gets used around our house, but with a bit of meloncholy since Grandma died. Piano Piano Piano. [/QUOTE] Was she Italian? ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/30 "2007-03-21T13:54:11Z")
Not even remotely. Swedish with a dash of Norwegian on the side. ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/31 "2007-03-21T14:20:52Z")
Not quite so amusing, but if any amongst you have wondered why Texas politics was hard-core Democrat for so long, here is a direct quote from my great-grandmother: “Damn Republicans, made us give up our niggers.” Bear in mind, when this women was a young girl, one of the former slaves was still employed by her father and she had fond rememberances of him. I never could reconcile the conflict in those attitudes. She could tell stories about “Uncle Prop” and at the same time, not understand what was fundamentally wrong about owning another person. ---
**Author:** ![Terrorcotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@Terrorcotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrorcotta)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/32 "2007-03-21T14:42:48Z")
I think I can help with the ‘cat fur’ thing. My mom’s family was decended of fallen upperclass and proper pronunciation was a rigid rule in their house (along with other remnants of polite society). The exchange was meant to chastise the poor pronunciation. Kid 1: Whut fur? Second Exchange: Cat fur. Third Exchange: Cat fur makes kitten britches. I was subjected to lots of these as a kid and could only blink. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/33 "2007-03-21T14:53:00Z")
[QUOTE=yanceylebeef] Not even remotely. Swedish with a dash of Norwegian on the side. [/QUOTE] I only ask because when I was in Rome, lots of folks there would say “piano, piano” in much the the same way we would say “no problem” or “whatever”. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/34 "2007-03-21T18:35:30Z")
My mother (technically a grandmother) always says, “Six of one, 12 of another.” I’ve tried to explain that it’s “Six of one, half a dozen of another” and the meaning behind it, but she Just. Doesn’t. Get. It. Of course, we all (the Hallfamily, but noy her) now use the expression, “Six of one, (fill in with whatever number of your choosing, the larger the better) of another” just to piss her off. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/35 "2007-03-21T18:41:18Z")
My husband’s grandmother, who really is the sweetest little old lady you’ll ever meet, grew up in a very…white town in Ohio. I’ve never heard her say a racist thing (aside from this story), and she’s never had anything negative to say about any ethnic group. We had our wedding in my hometown of Richmond, Virginia, which is somewhat culturally diverse - there’s a good mix of cultures. The wedding site and the hotel were downtown, and as my in-laws drove to the hotel (Grandma in the backseat of the car), she leaned up agains the back window, looked out at downtown Richmond, and said “Wow. There sure are a lot of colored people here.”, and then leaned back for the rest of the ride in silence. I still don’t think it was ever meant as a racial slur, just as an observation, but my in-laws were horrified. Of course, this is the same woman who, at the rehearsal (which was held AT the site of the wedding), looked around the site and said “It’s so pretty here! Why don’t they just hold the wedding here, too?”. E. ---
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/36 "2007-03-21T18:58:51Z")
My grandmother was not a sweet old lady, she was a nasty racist. Once, upon seeing a handsome, dapper young black man in a white linen suit she exclaimed," Looks like they got a fly in the milk!" Regarding one of my friends, she said to me, “… but he’s got an ornamental girlfriend.” Me: “Ornamental?” Her: “Y’know, one of them Japs!”, and pushes at the corners of her eyes with her fingers. Me: “Oh, Oriental.” Yeesh! We called her the Wicked Witch of the North. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/37 "2007-03-21T19:21:08Z")
At the latest homeowner’s meeting at my condo, the subject of which was the possible recall of two board members, both of them women, two attendees were there: a 50-ish woman and her 80+ mother. (Not sure which was the unit owner.) The mother piped in with her opinion: “I really think we should get some men in here who know what they’re doing.” Everyone there was :eek:. I personally wasn’t sure it was meant as a misogynistic comment. When, at the end of the meeting, her daughter apologized loudly on her behalf (perhaps her mother had dementia or something,) her mother clarified “No, I just mean that every time there’s a problem, you women mess it up, we should really get some knowledgable men on the board…” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/38 "2007-03-21T20:19:42Z")
My maternal (step)grandma was a stitch. Led a fairly sordid life prior to marrying my grandpa - for example she managed to leave Kiev in 1918 at the age of 12 or 13 by marrying a man in his 40’s. When the arrived in the states she promptly divorced him and began a life as a seamstress and model in NYC throughout the 20’s. She didn’t really learn English until the 40’s. My grandpa, OTOH, was a very strict man. I was at the receiving end of barbs more than once, primarily based on my having been adopted. Don’t get me wrong, I was totally a Grandpa’s Girl, but he could really hurt. I would be at their house almost as much, if not more, than my house. Grandma wanted me to help “perfect” her English to no avail. She could say my name in pieces, but couldn’t spit it out without accent as a whole. Grandpa: “Geez, woman, can’t you even say her name right?” Grandma: “I am workink on it. But I can say asshole wit-out problem!” She was hugely supportive of me in all endeavors. She was of the opinion “You only live once”. When I was 16 we were shopping with my Mom. I needed a wardrobe for an upcoming trip. Grandma stopped by a rack of negligees and stated it was “Beh-yoo-tiful” and that she would buy one for me. My mom immediately puckered up and commented that it was NOT appropriate apparel for a teen. “Ech, Mart-gee (Margie), maybe you buy this for yourself, hunh? Then you will not look like you just sucked a lemon?” We took Grandma home not too long after that. But I got the nighty. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/39 "2007-03-21T20:39:12Z")
My maternal grandmother (may she burn in hell forever) was veryinappropriate at times. Seeing an obviously pregnant woman at the mall, she’d cackle, “She got bit by a trouser worm!” She once told me not to fall asleep with my hands above my head, because I would suffocate. Nope, don’t miss her one teeny tiny bit. ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2007, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628/40 "2007-03-21T20:46:47Z")
[QUOTE=TwoTrouts] Regarding one of my friends, she said to me, “… but he’s got an ornamental girlfriend.” Me: “Ornamental?” Her: “Y’know, one of them Japs!”, and pushes at the corners of her eyes with her fingers. Me: “Oh, Oriental.” Yeesh! We called her the Wicked Witch of the North. [/QUOTE] Ha! When I was leaving for Korea on my first assignment in the Air Force, my folks had a send off BBQ for me. One of my uncles, not even sure which one anymore pulled me aside and said “You know I was in Korea during the war. I have some advice for you. Stay away from them ornamentals. They just want your money.” **TwoTrouts** you don’t happen to have family in Sedro Woolley Washington, by chance? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandmas-say-the-darndest-things/396628.md?page=3)