# Grandparent's Rights **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 31, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562 "2000-08-31T23:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/1 "2000-08-31T23:45:39Z")
Should grandparents have the right to visit their grandchildren even if the parents object? ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2000, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/2 "2000-08-31T23:49:06Z")
No. Also, you should better define your argument. Are you defending the rights of convicted child molesters to visit the grandchildren? Or are you only saying they should have the right if the parents have no good objections. What constitutes a good objection? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/3 "2000-09-01T00:02:51Z")
I think that they have no right to visit a grandchild over the protest of a child’s custodial parent or guardian. I don’t plan to let my mother-in-law know if i ever give birth. I want to know what others think. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/4 "2000-09-01T00:05:20Z")
Got it. I can’t imagine anyone disagreeing with you. I know I would have been better off if I’d never met my grandmother. Sad but very true. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/5 "2000-09-01T00:17:32Z")
I would agree with both of you–I’ve never seen why your kids having kids should give you some sort of ownership interest in the second set. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/6 "2000-09-01T01:34:59Z")
I don’t know if I could answer either yes or no. In a case where both parents don’t want the children to see the grandparents from the beginning, I’d say the grandparents have no right. That’s not the only situation, though.Take my situation,for example. My mother has cared for my children on a daily basis almost since they were born.( they’re 10 and 11) If I stop speaking to my mother ( for a reason unrelated to the kids’ safety ),should I have the right to keep them from seeing their grandparents? Suppose my husband dies. Should I have an absolute right to cut all ties to his family?Those situations are not as clear to me, and I think they’re more common than the first. ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/7 "2000-09-01T01:44:47Z")
Interesting question. My father is a pedophile, and my ‘mother’ was more into herself than her kids being molested. I practically ran from home at 18, and when I married and had children the sperm donor and his partner were NOT welcome in my home, so they haven’t seen my two sons since DJ (oldest son, was 2, he has just now turned 20) No regrets, obviously. I think it is a sad situation when two parents divorce, and the mom who gets custody uses those beloved kids against her former husband or former in laws, which DOES happen. HOWEVER, if you make a law to enforce those cases, you would affect MY situation too, which isn’t right. I feel bad for good grandma’s and grandpa’s who lose out when Sonny can’t keep his marriage going to Susie, (or vice versa, for that matter) for whatever the reason, but the children are THE PARENT’S responsibility, and sad though it may be, the law has to stay on the parent’s side, primarily because of the precedent that would be set. And then hope as junior grows up, maybe he’ll try to seek out his grandparents on his own, if they are still living. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/8 "2000-09-01T02:26:09Z")
Grandparents do not have rights to see their grandchildren! It’s absurd how some folks will poo-poo the actual rights we do have (Freedom to say what we want, Right to bear arms,etc) and even argue that we don’t have those rights when they are printed on the supreme law of the land the Constitution, then they have the nerve to make up phony rights like this! Only some old beezle neck whose life is basically over would come up with a scam like this! Luckily, this is not an issue for my family. Both sets of grandparents can see my kids when ever they like. …Hell, they can have them!😛 ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/9 "2000-09-01T02:31:06Z")
Anti Pro, I’m not really talking so much about Sonny’s parents not seeing the children while he’s alive. Suzie can’t really stop that, as long as Sonny has visitation and uses it, since he could always have his children and his parents get together on his visits.Suppose Sonny did that,and then died. He obviously wanted his children to see his parents. I’m also not suggesting in any way that grandparents have an absolute right to see grandchildren, but there is a middle ground of making it possible to petition a family court for visitation. It would likely exclude most of the mistakes in both directions (would allow my parents to see my kids, but not yours). There’s a precedent for it,since relatives can (at least in NY) petition for custody when they allege the parents are neglectful ( not that refusing to allow visits is neglectful, just that although parents have a right to custody, it’s not absolute and relatives can ask that it be changed) Part of my problem is that the question can be phrased as either “Should grandparents have a right to visit grandchildren?” or " Should children have a right to visit their grandparents?" See, I don’t just feel bad for the good grandmas, I also feel bad for the kids cut off from the good grandmas ( if they’ve had a relationship-good grandmas who haven’t been welcome since the child was very young is another story), and I find it easier to say the parents should take precedence over the grandparents than I do to say the parent’s interests should always take precedence over the child’s. ---
**Author:** ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/10 "2000-09-01T12:25:16Z")
**lee** , I am in complete agreement with you. My children have never met my father (an abusive, alcoholic high school teacher who molested his students) and have only supervised visits with my mother (a bitter, angry depressive whose passive-aggressive nastiness has to be seen to be believed.) What frightens me are news reports I have read of grandparents suing for custody and, sometimes, winning. And it isn’t always a clear case of a neglectful or abusive parent. There was one case I read about where the grandparents were unhappy with the amount of time they got to spend with their grandchildren and went to court to force more regular visits. The fact that this could even be seriously considered in a court of law is horrifying. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/11 "2000-09-01T13:57:06Z")
I have known of more than one grandparent that made their child’s life hell and when their child finally stood up said no more of this emotional abuse and then the grandparents sued for custody. I have heard of grandparents when asked to babysit grandchildren for more than a couple days to use that opportunity to claim abandonment and sue for custody. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/12 "2000-09-01T14:22:06Z")
After much consideration, I have to agree that grandparents have no right to see their grandchildren. ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/13 "2000-09-01T21:40:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Part of my problem is that the question can be phrased as either “Should grandparents have a right to visit grandchildren?” or " Should children have a right to visit their grandparents?" See, I don’t just feel bad for the good grandmas, I also feel bad for the kids cut off from the good grandmas ( if they’ve had a relationship-good grandmas who haven’t been welcome since the child was very young is another story), and I find it easier to say the parents should take precedence over the grandparents than I do to say the parent’s interests should always take precedence over the child’s. > \*\* I have a feeling we are both saying the same thing, Doreen, we’re just phrasing it differently. You remember the old saying, ‘he who has the gold has the power?’ Well, in this case, it is the parents who ‘have’ the children, and are totally responsible for them, NOT the grandparents, unless it is the case of having sued for custody and won. Grandparents are NOT held legally liable either medically, or financially for their grandchildren (without sole custody) while parents are, period. They then, don’t have legal precedent to intervene in those children’s lives when they aren’t held legally responsible for them in any other way. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/14 "2000-09-02T15:55:19Z")
I love my parents, and thankfully, we have a great relationship. They’re awesome grandparents too, and my kids adore them. My parents are divorced, my dad has remarried and my mom has a wonderful man in her life, and those folks are just as much grandparents as my parents are. So yes, I am extremely lucky. But ultimately, _no,_ grandparents do not have the _right_ of visitation. My husband and I are in charge of our children. No one else, unless _we_ say. I have no doubt that my children’s grandparents would set themselves on fire before allowing any harm to come to my kids. But Goddess forbid the worst should happen and I discover that the grandparents are doing something horrible to my kids, they won’t see them anymore. As much as I love my father, I did have a terrible argument with him last year (since resolved). That spring and summer, though, my dad didn’t see much of my daughter. However, _it had nothing to do with our argument._ My dad asked me why he hadn’t been seeing as much of her as he had previously, and I told him the truth–it was because _he_ had been _busy._ He was preparing for his retirement, he’d been on vacation for a while, he was getting his boat ready for summer, and he just hadn’t been available, and I didn’t want to try & foist my kid off on him while he had so much other stuff going on. His wife was there while we had this discussion, and she chimed in with “You know honey, she’s right. We _have_ been awfully busy.\*” Bless her. She understood what I was getting at–that I will not use my children as pawns, just because I had a fight with my dad. ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/15 "2000-09-02T16:42:32Z")
We’ve had a previous thread on this same issue, you can find it here: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=22281](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=22281) Generally, speaking I’d say, no the parent’s wishes are the final say. However, like I said in the previous thread, consider my family’s situation. My parents have raised my niece since she was a baby. If my sister should take back custody, would it be okay for my sister to deny them visitation? I don’t have the exact numbers, but thousands of children in America are living with their grandparents, either off and on, or permanently. In these cases, where the grandparents have acted as parents, it is not in the child’s best interest to have visitation rights taken away. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/16 "2000-09-02T16:53:41Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t have the exact numbers, but thousands of children in America are living with their grandparents, either off and on, or permanently. In these cases, where the grandparents have acted as parents, it is not in the child’s best interest to have visitation rights taken away. I absolutely agree with you here, tater. In most cases, the parents should have the final say. But then, there’s those parents who suck, and the grandparents end up raising the kids. Taking _their_ rights away would indeed be a travesty. ---
**Author:** ![jabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/db5fbb/32.png) [@jabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabe)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/17 "2000-09-03T05:15:01Z")
Alright, legally grandparents might not have any rights what-so-ever. But dislike of ones parents or in-laws should not stop a man or women from letting their children visit them. I understand in cases of abuse, or pedophilia, or alcoholism. But just because my grandmother disaproved of the way my mother dressed shouldn’t have stooped me from visiting her, which it did. Got all that? vote green, jabe ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/18 "2000-09-03T19:35:10Z")
Are we talking a ‘right’ in a legal sense or moral? Legally, and as a blanket statement, let’s not be ridiculous. A good **parent** ought to have the final word concerning influences in his/her minor childs life. Period. Morally, we ought to look at the particular case. If the grandparents are a good influence, they are valuable to the childs development. Family is important. On the other hand, situations require assessment and judgement when you have the responsibility of a childs growth to consider. My children are not brought to visit grampa. He’s an obnoxious drunk and his live in slut is an obnoxious bitch. I don’t even want to be around them, much less subject my kids to this. ---
**Author:** ![BarnStormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f8ce5/32.png) [@BarnStormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BarnStormer)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2000, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/19 "2000-09-04T08:37:34Z")
As a grandparent, I’ll have to tell you it’s hard on the heart, but grandparents have no rights. If you aren’t friends with the current guardians, then you’d better work on that. Once my children left home, I had no claim on them either, except what I earned by remaining friends. Why should grandchildren be different. There is one, living with his step-mom and her new husband, that I know I may never see again. It’s not good, but I can’t say I have any real rights. ---
**Author:** ![dewt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9dc877/32.png) [@dewt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dewt)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2000, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562/20 "2000-09-04T12:05:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BarnStormer \* > \*\*There is one, living with his step-mom and her new husband, that I know I may never see again. It’s not good, but I can’t say I have any real rights. \*\* This sucks. :: big sigh :: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grandparents-rights/31562.md?page=2)