# Gratuitous Acts of Censorship **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 30, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374 "2001-01-30T04:44:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CyberHippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@CyberHippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CyberHippy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/21 "2001-01-31T00:33:22Z")
The most amazing act of TV-Movie censorship I have ever witnessed was “Cheech&Chong’s Next Movie” wherein every single reference to Marijuana was replaced with “diamonds” - to the point where there are entire sections of the TV version that are not in the video my roommate owns! Each time the movie should have shown a bag of buds they actually filmed sequences with “diamonds” that they interjected! Now, cussing I can kinda understand snipping away at, but what’s the point of a Cheech&Chong movie without dope? ---
**Author:** ![kellibelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e480ec/32.png) [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/22 "2001-01-31T00:44:21Z")
IMHO, if they have to cut it all to shit - they shouldnt be allowed to air it on tv. We have Showcase up here, and it doesnt censor. They show good movies too, and series like OZ and QUEER AS FOLK. We have bravo too, but maybe it isnt the same as the american one, becasue I havent noticed censorship on it. I have seen Smokey & the Bandit so many times on TBS, I really thought they were supposed to say SCUMBUM!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dietrologia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@dietrologia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dietrologia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/23 "2001-01-31T01:05:18Z")
I got a kick out of the tv execs who found the term “Eat my shorts” objectionable in the movie _The Breakfast Club_. They replaced it with “Eat my **socks** ”!!! ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/24 "2001-01-31T01:22:45Z")
In “Blue Velvet” a lot of the humor came from Frank Booth saying “fuck” five times in every sentence. When they showed it on Bravo, they changed every “fuck” to “freak.” Everyone remembers when Frank says, “Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!” In the Bravo version he says, “Freak that crap!” I saw an obscure, low-budget, artsy Danish movie recently called “The Idiots” that had a whole lot of nudity in it, with black boxes over all the genitals! Why do they do that? How many people are going to rent a movie like that and then be offended because there’s a penis in it? People in Denmark probably laugh at the U.S. for shit like that. ---
**Author:** ![KP235](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@KP235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP235)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/25 "2001-01-31T01:26:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CyberHippy \* > \*\*The most amazing act of TV-Movie censorship I have ever witnessed was “Cheech&Chong’s Next Movie” wherein every single reference to Marijuana was replaced with “diamonds” - to the point where there are entire sections of the TV version that are not in the video my roommate owns! Each time the movie should have shown a bag of buds they actually filmed sequences with “diamonds” that they interjected! > > Now, cussing I can kinda understand snipping away at, but what’s the point of a Cheech&Chong movie without dope? \*\* CH, you beat me to it. This is the remake I was going to bitch about. I saw this one night, only once, and I was floored. I’ve told other people about this and was told I was full of shit. I’m glad someone else saw this other than me! A Cheech & Chong movie with all drug references removed. Why did they bother ? This rates right up there with remaking Debbie does Dallas with all of the sex references removed. The aliens at the end of the original movie became the stars of this pathetic remake in their search for ‘Diamond Chips’. It was wierd. ---
**Author:** ![ScoobyTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@ScoobyTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScoobyTX)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/26 "2001-01-31T04:05:37Z")
A local morning drive-time radio show occasionally plays a fake ad for: > [@](#): > > _PULP FICTION_ cut and edited for television > snip… > > ``` > *Jimmie*: Now let me ask you a question, Jules. When you drove in here, did you notice a sign out in front that said, "Dead **African-American** storage"? > *Jules*: Jimmie... > *Jimmie*: Answer the question! Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said "Dead **African-American** storage"? > *Jules*: Naw man, I didn't. > *Jimmie*: You know why you didn't see that sign? > *Jules*: Why? > *Jimmie*: 'Cause storin' dead **African-Americans** ain't my **rooty-toot-tootin'** business! > > ``` > > snip… > etc. A few days after I first heard this fake ad, I actually saw _Pulp Fiction_ on TV, cut to hell, but in a lot less funny way. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/27 "2001-01-31T04:16:35Z")
Reminds me of the MST3K episode of Final Justice, where Joe Don Baker and this Italian guy are screaming at each other, and keep saying, You son of a bitch! Only in the MST3K version, it’s “You son of a-” And they come up with the most hilarious quips! “I’ll kill you but I won’t curse at you!” “You son of a-” something!" “What’s he a son of? Son of a preacher man? Son of a son of a sailor maybe?” It’s just funny. And I for one am GLAD that MST3K cut out the scene I heard about in Mitchell: Linda Evans giving Joe Don Baker HEAD! :eek: In the name of all that is good and decent-WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE SOMETHING ANYONE WOULD WANT TO SEE!!! Whew, I’m better now. ---
**Author:** ![LCP2972](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LCP2972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LCP2972)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/28 "2001-01-31T06:21:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\* > I can’t imagine _Pulp Fiction_ without the profanity; it wouldn’t be the same movie. \*\* They actually showed an edited version of Pulp Fiction around here ,last summer, I think, I didn’t watch it, figured it’d be too painful. The one that always blew my mind was changing “eat my shorts!” to “eat my socks!”, in Breakfast Club. ---
**Author:** ![LCP2972](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LCP2972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LCP2972)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/29 "2001-01-31T06:23:55Z")
my apologies, dietrologia. I hadn’t read all the posts yet, I didn’t mean to repeat you, redundantly. ---
**Author:** ![mx-6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4da419/32.png) [@mx-6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mx-6)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/30 "2001-01-31T07:09:20Z")
The funniest one that I ever saw was The Breakfast Club. It was many many years ago so I don’t remember what they changed everything to but I remember that they totally chopped out the getting high scene but showed them sitting there stoned and talking about stupid shit so I’m sure that people were thinking “why are they acting so stupid”. ---
**Author:** ![B\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@B\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B_P)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/31 "2001-01-31T16:30:47Z")
You guys are right on the money. There is no consistency in their censorship either. The change “eat my shorts” to “eat my socks” on The Breakfast Club, but Bart Simpson says “eat my shorts” all the time! But on the other end, here in Los Angeles, on UPN (channel 13 - a regular basic-cable station), whenever they run the movie “Jaws”, they never censor out the sceen when Cheif Broady is on the boat and he’s chumming the water - he says something like, “Come back here and chum some of this shit.” They leave the “shit” in - every time. They’ve been showing it this way for years. And **CyberHippy** (great name by the way), isn’t that Cheech & Chong thing a complete joke!! Diamonds? I doesn’t even come close to making any sense! By the way, what do the “powers that be” think is going to happen if a child hears a curse word? What will that lead to? Drug use? Murder? They’re just words! I tell ya, go to any school yard and take a listen to what children are saying. Kids are well aware of all the curse words already - they don’t TV to hear it (or _not_ hear it as the case may be). ---
**Author:** ![CyberHippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@CyberHippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CyberHippy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/32 "2001-01-31T22:39:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by B\_\_P \* > And **CyberHippy** (great name by the way), isn’t that Cheech & Chong thing a complete joke!! Diamonds? I doesn’t even come close to making any sense! > \*\* It can only be the result of the **War On Drugs** IMHO, the studio went to great lengths to make sure the entire source of their humor was never revealed to the masses… The sad thing is, somewhere in America there are innocent children who actually believe that Cheech&Chong are deeply entranced by diamonds and will go out of their way to get fat bags of them! And, that **Red** has an entire field of them on his ranch… hmmm, possibly some sort of _Capitalist Conspiracy?_ Oh, and thanks, I started using **CyberHippy** on bulletin boards in '89 and dredged it back up when I decided to come out of Lurk mode recently. It still fits. ;)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/33 "2001-01-31T23:18:10Z")
_Revenge of the Nerds_ is always good for a few laughs. Remember when their party sucked, and Booger dips into his special stash? Original: “Hey guys…(opens jacket, takes out a thick joint)…wonder joints!” (cut to the now-much-improved party) Comedy Central version: “Hey guys…” (cut to the now-much-improved party) Er, so what happened to liven up the party, eh? With the cut, the scene doesn’t make much sense. ---
**Author:** ![RoboDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bbe5ce/32.png) [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/34 "2001-02-01T02:33:06Z")
And how about video games? Was anyone else annoyed when Nintendo sanitized Mortal Kombat? ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/35 "2001-02-01T05:46:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > **And I for one am GLAD that MST3K cut out the scene I heard about in Mitchell: Linda Evans giving Joe Don Baker HEAD!** Oh good lord. And I though the visible scrotum scene in _Devilfish_ was bad. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/36 "2001-02-01T06:02:47Z")
Once upon a time, while channel-surfing, I came across a Mexican station playing a U.S. war movie. It was in English, with Spanish subtitles. At one point, one of the sergeants cut loose with a spectacular string of profanity. It seemed to last for hours. The subtitle simply read, “Maldito!” ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/37 "2001-02-01T06:05:03Z")
Kat, I understand the _Fargo_ dubbing was done ridiculously on purpose. They thought it would be funny, and it _is_. The censored version has people yelling “frosted snow demons!” and other amusing things. I recently saw _Die Hard 2_ on TV, and in the last scene, when John McClane goes for one last explosion, he mutters “Yippy-ky-yay, Mr. Falcon.” _Mr. Falcon?!?!_ That kills me. Re: the OP. I saw part of Fox’s presentation of _Austin Powers_, and the “Do I make you randy?” is ridiculous (enough to make me change the channel), but I don’t think it’s Fox’s fault. I could be wrong, but I think that the producers of the cast say a few words for possible dubbing, so that they’re still said by the actors, not by someone imitating them. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/38 "2001-02-01T06:10:58Z")
Nintendo did sort of mess up Mortal Kombat, but at least they thought of semi-creative ways to replace the fatalities, as opposed to the Genesis version (without the blood cheat, which I always used.) Take Rayden’s fatality for example: Original version: Rayden electrocutes opponent until his/her head explodes. Censored Genesis version: Rayden electrocutes opponent until they fall down. Censored SNES version: Rayden electrocutes opponent until they turn to dust, and fall to the ground. Not the best alternative in the world, but certainly better than the (non-blood-code) Genesis version. One of the funniest censorships I’ve seen was when they showed Scream on Fox. I haven’t seen the original movie, but I know bad censoring when I see it, and I know the movie was totally butchered. My favorite part was: “Where’s the gun!?” “Right here, Dilweed.” I don’t know what she really said, but I can be damned sure it wasn’t “dilweed.” ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/39 "2001-02-01T06:15:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cabbage \* > \*\*And the award for Most Ludicrous Overdub in Lieu of Profanity on Network TV goes to… > > _Do the Right Thing_, for replacing “mother fucker” with “mickey fickey”. \*\* I understand Spike Lee deliberately chose ridiculous replacements for swear words when looping this movie for TV, just to make a point. “Mickey fickey” immediately joined my vocabulary! My second-favourite “motherfucker” replacement is “motherfather”. I wish I could remember where I heard/saw it. ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374/40 "2001-02-01T15:46:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CyberHippy \* > \*\*The most amazing act of TV-Movie censorship I have ever witnessed was “Cheech&Chong’s Next Movie” wherein every single reference to Marijuana was replaced with “diamonds” - to the point where there are entire sections of the TV version that are not in the video my roommate owns! Each time the movie should have shown a bag of buds they actually filmed sequences with “diamonds” that they interjected! > > Now, cussing I can kinda understand snipping away at, but what’s the point of a Cheech&Chong movie without dope? \*\* What really gets me is that, even on Comedy Central, they cut out whole routines and the movie makes no sense. I saw _Still Smoking_ the other night. Not only did they cut out the song sung by the cowboy character _“…Gonna tie my pecker to a tree, to a tree…”_ (after leaving in the entire _Blind Melon Chittlin"_ routine), they cut out the whole _Hairy Palm_ routine during the Dope-a-thon sketch. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gratuitous-acts-of-censorship/52374.md?page=3)