# Great Epitaphs **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2008, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083 "2008-11-04T17:15:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/21 "2008-11-06T15:28:48Z")
Regarding old Les: > [@](#): > > In Boot Hill cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona there stands a wooden grave marker that bears the inscription: > > HERE LIES LESTER MOORE > FOUR SLUGS FROM A .44 > NO LES > NO MORE > > No one doubts this marker really can be found in Boot Hill cemetery. What people doubt is whether Lester Moore was a real person. Information supplied by the cemetery identifies Moore as a Wells Fargo agent who was shot during a dispute with a man over a package. However, historians have been unable to locate any record of such a man. > > In Wild and Wooly: An Encyclopedia of the Old West, Denis McLoughlin writes: “The aroma of the prankster emanates from this plot of ground, no date of death accompanies the verse, and had the latter originated during Tombstone’s lead-swapping period, ‘four balls from a .44’ would have been apt for the time.” [http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Tombstone\_Humor/](http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Tombstone_Humor/) ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/22 "2008-11-06T16:04:47Z")
It’s not on a headstone as far as I know, but one of the greatest epitaphs said about a soldier was Confederate General Hardee’s tribute to Patrick Cleburne: “Where this division defended, no odds broke its lines; where it attacked, no numbers resisted its onslaught, save only once; and there is the grave of Cleburne and his heroic division.” ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/23 "2008-11-06T18:15:34Z")
My favorites found on the[first site in a search](http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/graves.html): Called Back Emily Dickinson (West Cemetery; Amherst, Massachusetts) {self written} The Body of B. Franklin, Printer Like the Cover of an old Book Its Contents turn out And Stript of its Lettering & Guilding Lies here. Food for Worms For, it will as he believed appear once more In a new and more elegant Edition corrected and improved By the Author Benjamin Franklin (Christ Church Burial Grounds; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime Dean Martin ( Westwood Memorial Cemetery, Los Angeles, California) Quoth the Raven, “Nevermore.” Edgar Allan Poe (Westminster Presbyterian Cemetery; Baltimore, Maryland) ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/24 "2008-11-07T03:29:20Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Regarding old Les: > > [http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Tombstone\_Humor/](http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Hoaxipedia/Tombstone_Humor/) “Slug” as meaning a “lead bit” dates back to [1622](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=slug&searchmode=none). I missed the stipulation in the OP about it being epitaphs of famous people; I just saw the thread title “Great Epitaphs,” opened it, and started reading great epitaphs. Now, are done Junior Modding? OK. _POUND A RUSTY NAIL INTO A CINDER BLOCK RIGHT THROUGH YOUR NUT SACK, AND THEN JUMP OFF A GODDAMNED BRIDGE._ It felt good to get that off of my chest. Happy Trails, Motherfucker. ---
**Author:** ![PastAllReason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@PastAllReason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastAllReason)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/25 "2008-11-07T04:00:54Z")
On the grave of William Butler Yeats in Drumcliffe, County Sligo, Ireland: _Cast a cold Eye On Life on Death. Horseman pass by_ As directed by Yeats in the poem Under Ben Bulben: VI \*Under bare Ben Bulben’s head In Drumcliff churchyard Yeats is laid. An ancestor was rector there Long years ago, a church stands near, By the road an ancient cross. No marble, no conventional phrase; On limestone quarried near the spot By his command these words are cut: Cast a cold eye On life, on death. Horseman, pass by!\* ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/26 "2008-11-07T04:55:53Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > “Slug” as meaning a “lead bit” dates back to [1622](http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=slug&searchmode=none). > > I missed the stipulation in the OP about it being epitaphs of famous people; I just saw the thread title “Great Epitaphs,” opened it, and started reading great epitaphs. > > Now, are done Junior Modding? > > OK. > > _POUND A RUSTY NAIL INTO A CINDER BLOCK RIGHT THROUGH YOUR NUT SACK, AND THEN JUMP OFF A GODDAMNED BRIDGE._ > > It felt good to get that off of my chest. > > Happy Trails, Motherfucker. [Official Moderator Warning]This is way over the top for someone who has certainly been here long enough to know better. Watch it.[/Official Moderator Warning] ---
**Author:** ![Randy\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee7513/32.png) [@Randy\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Randy_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/27 "2008-11-07T04:57:38Z")
Scipio Africanus was the Roman general who finally beat Hannibal and was one of the top military minds in human history. He eventually died in self-imposed exile from Rome, disgusted at the Roman people for his treatment at their hands. According to legend, he had this put on his tombstone: “_Ingrata patria, ne ossa quidem habebis_” - ungrateful fatherland, you will not even have my bones. ---
**Author:** ![lizardling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/28 "2008-11-07T07:12:35Z")
Poking about online, here’re a few gems: Jack London: “The Stone the Builders Rejected” Carl Jung: VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT (Invoked or not invoked, the god is present.) Robert Frost: “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.” H.G. Wells: “I told you so, you damned fools.” Gracie Allen and George Burns: “Together again.” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/29 "2008-11-07T13:08:19Z")
> [@](#): > > “Slug” as meaning a “lead bit” dates back to 1622. > > I missed the stipulation in the OP about it being epitaphs of famous people; I just saw the thread title “Great Epitaphs,” opened it, and started reading great epitaphs. > > Now, are done Junior Modding? > > OK. > > POUND A RUSTY NAIL INTO A CINDER BLOCK RIGHT THROUGH YOUR NUT SACK, AND THEN JUMP OFF A GODDAMNED BRIDGE. > > It felt good to get that off of my chest. > > Happy Trails, Motherfucker. OK. Ouch. Now what? Some people are more than a tad touchy. I’d hate to see how you react to one of those REALLY snarky Dopers. And I wasn’t saying the word didn’t exist, but “slugs” was not really appropriate for that era. That (wooden, by the way) tombstone sets off all sorts of suspicions. ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/30 "2008-11-07T13:18:49Z")
For those going for “I told you I was sick”, see [Spike Milligan](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm). ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/31 "2008-11-07T17:55:39Z")
Legend has it that Archimedes’ epitaph was simply a diagram of a cylinder enclosing a sphere. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/32 "2008-11-07T19:20:02Z")
Paul Eddington, star of _Yes Minister_, _The Good Life_ and lots of other stuff. “He did very little harm.” ---
**Author:** ![lalenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@lalenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lalenin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2008, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/33 "2008-11-07T20:03:47Z")
Jackie Gleason in Miami’s Lady of Mercy Catholic Cemetary: “And Away We Go” Sadly although there are two spaces only Mr. Gleason’s is occupied, someone should chisel out the “We” and replace it with “I”. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/34 "2014-06-13T04:33:55Z")
Found this thread while looking for something else; now bumping. My dad has long been the secretary-treasurer of my small hometown cemetery. His favorite is mine, too, set down by a widower for his not-all-that-mourned wife: _Forty years with a tongue so sharp O angels! Give her a harp_ Love it. > [@Lust4Life](#): > > I dont know it verbatim but isn’t there one in Greece that says something to the effect of … > > Stranger passing by go tell the Spartans that we did our duty. > > Or some such,obviously about the Three Hundred. > [@Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](#): > > It’s the Epitaph of Simonides (a contemporary poet) that lay on the burial mound of the Spartans at Thermopylae, to the north of Athens. The original is lost, but there is a modern replacement. There are various translations, but I like: > > _Go, stranger, and to Lacedaemon tell > That here, obeying her behests, we fell._ > > Lacedaemon is an alternative name for Sparta. It gave us the word laconic, perfectly illustrated by this epitaph. > > The real history of Leonidas and his 300 troops is so much cooler than any weird, homoerotic movie. My favorite translation is, _Tell them in Sparta, passerby, That here, obedient to their laws, we lie._ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Little\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Pig)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/35 "2014-06-13T09:39:00Z")
[This one.](http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/happy-plan-your-epitaph-day/funny_tombstone05/) ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/36 "2014-06-13T12:46:23Z")
Saw on the news last night that Ruby Dee’s ashes will be added to an urn with her husband’s. On the urn is carved, _We’re in this thing together!_ I got a bang out of that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/37 "2014-06-13T13:23:40Z")
Penn & Teller wrote a book some time back and included a trick you could play on a friend/SO whenever the two of you would happen to be in the LA area. It’s basically a card force that results in the mark selecting the three of clubs. You then go to Forest Lawn Memorial Park and show your friend/SO [Penn & Teller’s grave stone](http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?GRid=3660&page=gr). It has an engraving of the three of clubs, and the inscription “Is this your card?” P&T found a loophole. They found that they could buy a cenotaph, which is a means of observing the dead without the body. It was intended to honor soldiers who were lost on foreign soil, and thus does not require an actual body to be under the marker. ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/38 "2014-06-13T13:56:36Z")
I like the epitaph which my dear late uncle Tom wrote, well in advance, for himself. He was a (happily) heavy smoker for well over fifty years – he finally gave it up, more to please his wife than for any other reason – died a few years ago, in his early nineties. Here lies Tom Green: He died of nicotine. He was not in battle slain, Nor run over by a train; But he did it all himself – So why should he complain? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/39 "2014-06-13T14:43:20Z")
> [@Little\_Pig](#): > > [This one.](http://youoffendmeyouoffendmyfamily.com/happy-plan-your-epitaph-day/funny_tombstone05/) Post 2. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083/40 "2014-06-13T17:00:43Z")
[Emil Sitka](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emil_Sitka): “Hold hands, you lovebirds!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-epitaphs/471083.md?page=3)