# Great lines from bad films **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 29, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047 "2006-12-29T23:34:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/1 "2006-12-29T23:34:11Z")
For your consideration I nominate the following: \*\*\*[Deathstalker II](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092860/) \*\*\*: So-called sequel to a really lousy Conan ripoff, but totally different in tone from its predecessor. What it lacks in terms of a budget or statement it more than compensates for with hamminess. The sets, costumes, and effects are all leftover from somebody’s Halloween party. The muscle-bound lunk in the Boris Vallejo painting used to promote the film bears not an iota of resemblence to the weasly little guy who plays the lead. The acting is about on the level of a grade school play. But Jesus-Christ-on-a-pogo-stick, the dialog is hilarious. In places. _Setup: Deathstalker has just interrupted three soldiers who were in the process of tearing the clothes off of an unwilling (but comely) waif._ - DEATHSTALKER: Ordinarily I don’t mind seeing a woman get a good beating, if she deserves it, but this doesn’t look like much of a contest to me. - GUARD: Just who do you think we are, anyway? - DEATHSTALKER: I don’t know…the village idiot and the two runners-up? - DEATHSTALKER: You have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch up with the prince of thieves. _A thrown axe suddenly sticks in a tree right next to his head_ - COMELY WAIF: It _is_ early in the morning! _**[Undercover Heat](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114786/)**_: You know that the movie’s going to be a classic when the very first shot is a closeup of the female lead’s bare breasts (and spectacular breasts they are). It’s a predictable tale of a young policewoman going undercover in a swanky Beverly Hills brothel to track down a killer. All her carefully-laid (sorry) plans for avoiding actual physical encounters with brothel customers go awry and, as one might expect, once she actually has to pony up and put out she starts getting “into” her new role. For the most part, it’s standard Skinamax late night fare…but it’s rescued from oblivion by two factors. First, the aforementioned breasts (firmly affixed to the torso of one Athena Massey) really are first rate, and on frequent display. Secondly, there are a number of lines of dialogue that display a wit seldom found in sock drawer cinema. A couple of examples (both are approximate because it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it): _Setup: Our intrepid agent’s boss, Sgt Gold, has arranged for phony johns to show up at the brothel and ask for her. Naturally she’s nervous that something will go wrong and she might end up alone with an actual john who wants her to put out. So once behind closed doors with her first “customer”, she assumes he’s a fellow cop and relaxes a bit._ - LADY COP: So how’s Gold? - JOHN: Oh, it’s up $3 an ounce. - SOME GUY: I feel like the guest of honor at a gelding. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/2 "2006-12-30T01:24:22Z")
**Tough Guys Don’t Dance** : unwatchable film, but it does contain the following great line(s) from Ryan O’Neal: “Oh, God…Oh, man…Oh, God…Oh, man…Oh God…Oh, man…Oh, God…Oh man…Oh God!!” (No, he was not having sex at the time.) ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2006, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/3 "2006-12-30T01:58:18Z")
fate certainly weaves a tangled tapestry —slave girls from beyond infinity the horror of being on that show (letterman) —dr kurtz, cannibal women in the avocado jungle of death ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/4 "2006-12-31T14:25:35Z")
“Give Me The Rod !!!” - D&D “You … Will … Kneel !!!” - Masters of the Universe. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/5 "2006-12-31T17:44:33Z")
**John Bigboote:** “It’s not my goddamn planet. Understand, monkey boy?” - \*Buckaroo Banzai \* ---
**Author:** ![Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Sunshine\_and\_Smiles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunshine_and_Smiles)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/6 "2006-12-31T18:02:49Z")
“I am Yulaw! I’m nobody’s bitch!” - Yulaw aka The One, in “The One,” as played by Jet Li. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/7 "2006-12-31T21:19:44Z")
[QUOTE=MrDibble] “Give Me The Rod !!!” - D&D “You … Will … Kneel !!!” - Masters of the Universe. [/QUOTE] Masters of the Universe is a quality film. Frank Langella’s Skeletor is a masterpiece of traditional thespianism, and I’ll beat anyone to death who says otherwise, by the Sorceress! ---
**Author:** ![Romola\_Des\_Loups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Romola\_Des\_Loups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romola_Des_Loups)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/8 "2006-12-31T21:24:33Z")
“Would you mind not firing near the thermonuclear weapons please?” - John Travolta in Broken Arrow. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/9 "2006-12-31T22:09:24Z")
“The situation is so bad, it’s the worst it’s ever been!” - [_Infra-Man_.](http://www.badmovies.org/movies/inframan/) Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/10 "2006-12-31T22:13:48Z")
1987’s The Running Man was a terrible depiction of the Richard Bachman novel, but it did have these memorable exchanges. Damon Killian: You bastard! Drop dead! Ben Richards: I don’t do requests. Damon Killian: There are still two stalkers out there. Dynamo and Fireball. Who do you think will make the next kill? Elderly Lady: Oh my. That’s a tough one. Damon Killian: Come on, Angus. You can do it. Who do you think? Elderly Lady: Alright, I think the next kill will be made by… Ben Richards. Damon Killian: No, no. Angus, Richards is a runner. You have to pick a stalker. Elderly Lady: I can pick anyone I choose. And I choose… Ben Richards. That boy is one mean motherfucker. And the best exchange in the movie… Ben Richards: Killian! I’ll be back! Damon Killian: Only in a rerun. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/11 "2006-12-31T22:36:37Z")
“Oh, you gotta be kiddin’!” – [_The Thing_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thing_%28film%29) ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/12 "2006-12-31T23:21:14Z")
Journey to the Center of the Earth,… Bad guy doesn’t sleep. When asked why he says Sleep is a slice of Death. ---
**Author:** ![Romola\_Des\_Loups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@Romola\_Des\_Loups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romola_Des_Loups)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/13 "2006-12-31T23:58:41Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] 1987’s The Running Man was a terrible depiction of the Richard Bachman novel, but it did have these memorable exchanges. [/QUOTE] Nooo, it’s fabulous, and massively underrated. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/14 "2007-01-01T00:16:00Z")
[_Among Giants_](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0122906/) is a fairly crappy film, despite starring Rachel Griffiths and Pete Postlethwaite. But at one point a depressed character named Frank says, “Don’t go having a good time. You’ll only brood about it in years to come.” [**silenus** : [_The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension_](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0086856/) is **not** a bad film! It’s a cult classic!] ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/15 "2007-01-01T00:17:30Z")
[QUOTE=commasense] **silenus** : [_The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension_](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0086856/) is **not** a bad film! It’s a cult classic!] [/QUOTE] The two are **not** mutually exclusive. I love BB, but a great movie it isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/16 "2007-01-01T00:23:46Z")
“I kick arse for the Lord!” - DeadAlive ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/17 "2007-01-01T00:33:53Z")
[QUOTE=gonzomax] Journey to the Center of the Earth,… Bad guy doesn’t sleep. When asked why he says Sleep is a slice of Death. [/QUOTE] That reminds me of _Police Academy_. Bubba Smith wakes up Steve Gutenberg in the middle of the night, and then apologixes for doing so. Now, I don’t approve gay-bashing, but his response, “That’s okay. Sleep is for fags” made me laugh. It still does, a little. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/18 "2007-01-01T01:12:12Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] “Oh, you gotta be kiddin’!” – [_The Thing_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thing_%28film%29) [/QUOTE] Whoa, whoa. Since when was \*\*John Carpenter’s: The Thing \*\* considered a bad movie? ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/19 "2007-01-01T01:53:17Z")
[QUOTE=Red Barchetta] Whoa, whoa. Since when was \*\*John Carpenter’s: The Thing \*\* considered a bad movie? [/QUOTE] To each his own, but I didn’t think so at all. I thought Carpentar was the thinking man’s horror director (as opposed to Dean Cunningham, who I also like). ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2007, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047/20 "2007-01-01T01:57:32Z")
“Dude… where’s my car” “Where’s your car, dude?” Repeat _ad nauseam_🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-lines-from-bad-films/386047.md?page=2)