# Great Literary Real Estate Ads **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 17, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047 "2007-10-17T15:56:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/1 "2007-10-17T15:56:40Z")
**Hill House - For sale by owner - Motivated Seller!!!** $2,995,000 Hill House, not sane, stands by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it has stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continue upright, bricks meet neatly, floors are firm, and doors are sensibly shut; silence lies steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walks there, walks alone. Prestigious Street. Enter Through Iron Gates. Breath Taking Landscaping. Custom Built Home By Experienced Builder. Home Filled With Wainscotting And Coffered Ceilings. Walkout From Basement. This house, which seems somehow to have formed itself, flying together into its own powerful pattern under the hands of its builders, fitting itself into its own construction of linnd angles, rears its great head back against the sky without concession to humanity.\*\*\*\* EXTRAS \*\*\*\* All Electric Light Fixtures, Built In Appliances, Wine Fridge Included, Cvac, Cac, Sprinkler Systems, Heated Floor, Sauna, Wine Cellar. Measurements To Be Verified. ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/2 "2007-10-17T16:02:19Z")
Beachfront English Country House – handyman’s special! Tree-lined drive; servants’ quarters; beach cottage and other outbuildings; beautiful waterfront property! Centuries old family seat, but second wife has taken a dislike to it. Some scorch-marks, water and fire damage. Must supply your own housekeeper. ---
**Author:** ![Sevastopol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Sevastopol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevastopol)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/3 "2007-10-17T16:03:36Z")
Shop here: [Hotblack Desiato](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hotblack_Desiato#Hotblack_Desiato) ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/4 "2007-10-17T16:24:17Z")
It’s good to see that guy from Billy Joel’s Piano Man finally got a job. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/5 "2007-10-17T16:36:56Z")
[QUOTE=Biggirl] It’s good to see that guy from Billy Joel’s Piano Man finally got a job. [/QUOTE] Maybe now he can find time for a wife. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/6 "2007-10-17T16:40:15Z")
**Colorado Ski Resort Hotel** All marble flooring in common areas, carpeted hallways, 80 rooms, full commercial kitchen, wet bar, beautiful topiary maze outside. SELLER’S NOTE: You are the caretaker, sir. You have always been caretaker here. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/7 "2007-10-17T16:45:36Z")
[QUOTE=Aholibah] Beachfront English Country House – handyman’s special! Tree-lined drive; servants’ quarters; beach cottage and other outbuildings; beautiful waterfront property! Centuries old family seat, but second wife has taken a dislike to it. Some scorch-marks, water and fire damage. Must supply your own housekeeper. [/QUOTE] I was just thinking about this one today, actually. Even before the thread got created. Eerie. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/8 "2007-10-17T17:04:00Z")
Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/9 "2007-10-17T17:05:35Z")
[QUOTE=h.sapiens] Nevermind. [/QUOTE] Hey, I think without the reference to the housekeeper, it’s not all that far from Jane Eyre. The ref to the first wife. And there was _almost_ a fire in Jane Eyre. Of course, it didn’t get very far…but still. ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/10 "2007-10-17T17:11:31Z")
[QUOTE=Zoggie] Hey, I think without the reference to the housekeeper, it’s not all that far from Jane Eyre. The ref to the first wife. And there was _almost_ a fire in Jane Eyre. Of course, it didn’t get very far…but still. [/QUOTE] Actually, that’s why I put the housekeeper in there! ---
**Author:** ![Ferd\_Burfel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@Ferd\_Burfel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferd_Burfel)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/11 "2007-10-17T17:17:26Z")
Stately mansion within easy commute of city. Spelunkers delight. No joking, the riddle is why this property is still on the market. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/12 "2007-10-17T18:01:17Z")
[QUOTE=Zoggie] I was just thinking about this one today, actually. Even before the thread got created. Eerie. [/QUOTE] Me, too. Last night I dreamed I went there again. ---
**Author:** ![Rocketeer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocketeer/32/4437_2.png) [@Rocketeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rocketeer)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/13 "2007-10-17T18:34:28Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] Me, too. Last night I dreamed I went there again. [/QUOTE] I grinned at this. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/14 "2007-10-17T19:40:43Z")
COMMERCIAL OPPORTUNITY Country estate for sale, in a mild European climate. Property is currently zoned as light commercial, and is presently operated as a retirement facility for government personnel. Security and monitoring systems recently upgraded, extruder prevention system is second to none. Buyer must maintain caretaking for current clients; they may check out any time they like, but they can never leave. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/15 "2007-10-17T21:31:14Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] COMMERCIAL OPPORTUNITY Country estate for sale, in a mild European climate. Property is currently zoned as light commercial, and is presently operated as a retirement facility for government personnel. Security and monitoring systems recently upgraded, extruder prevention system is second to none. Buyer must maintain caretaking for current clients; they may check out any time they like, but they can never leave. [/QUOTE] This made me grin. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/16 "2007-10-17T22:01:47Z")
[QUOTE=Scuba\_Ben] COMMERCIAL OPPORTUNITY they may check out any time they like, but they can never leave. [/QUOTE] Sir: In your real estate advertisement for a European property, you are infringing upon our duely registered trademark. My people will be in touch with your people. Be seeing you, (in court, that is) Baja Hostelry Associates ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/17 "2007-10-17T22:55:49Z")
Fancy gazing out over the water? Handy to tarn and mere, this desirable and atmospheric family residence is on the market for the first time in centuries due to a recent bereavement. A handyman’s paradise, this fixer-upper offers breathtaking water views, with extensive cellaring easily convertible to games room or extra storage. Usher yourself into a new lifestyle: don’t delay, this one won’t last! E. A. Poe Property Investments: “For A Damned Good Deal” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/18 "2007-10-17T23:03:35Z")
FOR RENT: Mountain home. Remote location. Central heating. Slight spider problem. Smoking okay. NO HOBBITS. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/19 "2007-10-17T23:22:16Z")
Tired of city life? This rural property in southern France is for you. An educated neophyte farmer could have this farm producing in no time. Lovely old stone farmhouse with plenty of character, farmable acreage, access to springs only a half-day’s walk away. Nearby village has all the amenities, including bakery, cafe and butcher. Best of all, the neighbors are very friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047/20 "2007-10-17T23:25:22Z")
I only get the Batman, Hill House, and The Shining. What’s the housekeeper one and the retirement home? I recognize the “Hotel California” line but what’s that got to do w/ the government, etc.? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-literary-real-estate-ads/423047.md?page=2)