# Great movie monologues **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 20, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263 "2011-10-20T15:45:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/41 "2011-10-21T00:35:27Z")
Tommy Lee Jones in [No Country for Old Men.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mx52S8ZkUg&feature=related) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/42 "2011-10-21T01:09:23Z")
Paul Scofield as Sir Thomas More has several in **a Man for All Seasons** This one is good, but it’s considerably abridged from the play: [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-nJR15e0F4) His speech at the end of his trial is great (and you get to see Leo McKern as a Prosecutor, instead of in defense): [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/DX0_FGu8v9A/hqdefault.jpg "A Man for All Seasons - Trial (3 of 3)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX0_FGu8v9A) It’s been years since i saw it, but Hary Dean Stanton’s scene on the booth telephone in San Shepard’s **Paris, Texas** see,s like the whole reason for that movie. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/43 "2011-10-21T01:21:45Z")
> [@Morbo](#): > > I’m partial to Jack Woltz’s speech about why Johnny Fontane never gets that movie from **The Godfather**. Can’t find a video of it, and the raw text doesn’t do it justice. Perfect delivery. How about an [impression](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YE8uti9Ln8). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/44 "2011-10-21T01:54:48Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > ? [A great scene](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI). Language warning… ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/45 "2011-10-21T02:28:39Z")
Whoa, this thread took off like a shot! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/46 "2011-10-21T03:17:45Z")
> [@h.sapiens](#): > > “Gettysburg” has a few, but my favorite is this from Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain… Ooo, yes. Good one. Jeff Daniels should’ve gotten an Oscar for that role, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/47 "2011-10-21T04:11:33Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > I also can’t access the link, but isn’t this: > > …essentially this: > > ? No, the GGR analogue is later in the movie: [“There is no such thing as a ‘no sales’ call!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lofNPLZvTOs) Seems like this is supposed to be a paradigm of evil, but having been there it’s actually pretty good sales advice. However, in GGR Alec Baldwin is just being a jerk. You can see here, though, that Ben Affleck is pushing them to improve, and he’s right, if they can’t hack it they need to find another career. If they were selling a legitimate product (rather than an illegal pump & dump) the principles would still be the same. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/48 "2011-10-21T04:56:00Z")
Lord of War The reason I’ll be released is the same reason you think I’ll be convicted. I _do_ rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of _your_ enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it’s embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can’t be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I’m a necessary evil. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/49 "2011-10-21T05:09:00Z")
1941 The Maltese Falcon, Sam Spade’s monologue at the end explaining why he has to send over Brigid O’Shaughnessy. It’s too long to quote, and I can’t find it on youtube, but you can read it [here](http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/Maltese_Falcon.pdf). It starts at the bottom of page 151. Strictly speaking, Brigid has a few lines in there, but Spade’s longer speeches are the essence of his existence, put into a relatively few neat words. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/50 "2011-10-21T05:41:44Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Lord of War > > The reason I’ll be released is the same reason you think I’ll be convicted. I _do_ rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of _your_ enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss - the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year - sometimes it’s embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can’t be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I’m a necessary evil. [Great scene.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTK8torOylM) This clip should be seen by all the Nick Cage haters. He is a great actor, one of our very best. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/51 "2011-10-21T06:50:58Z")
**Team America** > [@](#): > > _Gary Johnston:_ We’re dicks! We’re reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don’t like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn’t appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves… because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don’t know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we’re going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/52 "2011-10-21T08:00:48Z")
[I had a lobotomy, man!!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VKzqAefBVY) ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/53 "2011-10-21T20:02:41Z")
1776 is loaded with them. Benjamin Franklin’s speech about why Americans deserve to be a new nation. John Adams on why he won’t give up, even after the entire South has walked out. John Hancock on why the vote for independence must be unanimous. Etc., etc. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/54 "2011-10-22T02:15:33Z")
Commodus: “Slave, you will remove your helmet and tell me your name.” Maximus: (removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus) “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North, general of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.” - _Gladiator_ ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/55 "2011-10-22T02:41:59Z")
I am going to assume that a monologue still counts as a monologue if it is interrupted, in the film, by the dialog of other characters talking to _each other_ only, which the individual delivering the monologue would _not_ have heard. So, with that in mind: * * * ‘Don’t worry, that guy’s gotta see us.’ These were the confident last words of the brilliant young Hollywood star James Dean as he piloted his Porsche 550 Spyder race car towards a date with death on a lonely stretch of California two-lane blacktop, Route 466. ‘Don’t worry, that guy’s gotta see us’. The year, 1955; the day, September 30th; the time: Now. The first star of our show is Little Bastard, James Dean’s racing Porsche. He named it after himself, and had his racing number, 130, painted on it. The second star is stuntman and former race driver Colin Seagrave, who will drive our replica of James Dean’s car. I myself shall play the role of James Dean’s racing mechanic, Rolf Wütherich, sent over from the Porsche factory in Zuffenhausen, Germany. This mechanic was himself fated to die in a car crash in Germany twenty-six years later. And the third and in some ways most important party, the college student Donald Turnupseed, played by movie stuntman Brett Trask. Turnupseed was on his way back to his home in Fresno for the weekend. James Dean was on his way to an automobile race in Salinas…Salinas was just a dusty town in northern California. The two would only meet for one moment, but it was a moment that would create a Hollywood legend.You’ll notice that we are not wearing helmets or safety padding of any kind, and our cars are not equipped with roll cages or seat belts. We depend solely on the skill of our drivers for our safety so that we can bring you the ultimate in authenticity. All right, here we go. The fatal crash of James Dean! [The cars drive in opposite directions down the road, then turn back towards each other, and crash spectacularly. Vaughan slowly drags himself out of the smashed car and begins speaking to the crowd, clearly in pain from the accident.] Rolf Wütherich was thrown from the Porsche and spent a year in the hospital recovering from his injuries. Donald Turnupseed was found wandering around in a daze, basically unhurt. James Dean died of a broken neck… **and became immortal.** * * * Elias Koteas’s delivery is just absolutely _phenomenal_, in the entire movie but especially in this scene. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another character in a movie with as memorable and nuanced of a style of speech - truly a testament to the skill of this vastly underrated Canadian actor. By the way - this scene is NOT in the original _Crash_ novel by J.G. Ballard. The scene and all the dialog regarding the James Dean crash recreation was completely created by David Cronenberg - a testament to this director’s skill, that he was able to create an original scene that so perfectly fit within Ballard’s narrative. ---
**Author:** ![mac\_bolan00](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@mac\_bolan00](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mac_bolan00)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/56 "2011-10-22T03:33:35Z")
lawrence olivier’s Hamlet soliloquy brando’s “bolt of lightning” de niro’s “you talking to me?” harris pulling excalibur from the rock jackson’s ezequiel verse rhames’ “marcelus wallace was right” shaw’s henry VIII “I HAVE NO QUEEN!” ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/57 "2011-10-22T14:33:53Z")
Henry Drummond’s closing argument in **Inherit the Wind** :\*“Gentlemen, progress has never been a bargain. You have to pay for it. Sometimes I think there’s a man who sits behind a counter and says, ‘Alright, you can have a telephone, but you lose privacy and the charm of distance.’ ‘Madam, you may vote, but at a price. You lose the right to retreat behind the powder-puff or your petticoat.’ ‘Mr., you may conquer the air, but the birds will lose their wonder and the clouds will smell of gasoline.’ Darwin took us forward to a hilltop from where we could look back and see the way from which we came, but for this insight, and for this knowledge, we must abandon our faith in the pleasant poetry of Genesis.” \* ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/58 "2011-10-23T00:06:46Z")
Lono Veccio: Give me a couple minutes of your time. I’ve got a few things I’d like to talk to you about. You know, uh what you did wasn’t really your fault. It’s what they call a genetic defect. Mom calls it the gene. My grandfather had the gene. He came over on the boat from Ireland in 1912. And I guess he passed it on to my ol’ man. My ol’ man was a great guy, a real pussy cat, ya know, a hard worker, big sports fan. Sometimes on his way home from the docks he liked to stop in with the guys and have a couple of beers, ya know. I remember comin’ home from school one day and the whole house was dark.Couldn’t figure it out. Heard my mom crying’ off in the dark someplace. I was old enough at that point I could reach the light switch. I turned the lights on and I saw2what he did to her. So I went to my room and I got the baseball bat; Mickey Mantle model my ol’ man give me for Christmas. And I found the ol’ man passed out in the bath tub. And I tattooed him. Needless to say, when I came home every day from school after that, the house was lit up like Ebbetts field. And the ol’ man never drank again. So all I’m saying’ to you is if you want to drink, you go ahead and drink. But if I ever find out you laid your hands on that girl again, Me and Mr. Mantle are gonna pay you a visit, my friend!–Denis Leary from Suicide Kings. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0KvPwNH8WE](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0KvPwNH8WE) SFC Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/59 "2011-10-23T03:26:19Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > Tommy Lee Jones in [No Country for Old Men.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mx52S8ZkUg&feature=related) Yup. You beat me to it. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263/60 "2011-10-23T04:56:30Z")
Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, shitless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol? Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-movie-monologues/600263.md?page=4)