# Great Newspaper Headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 8, 2012, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825 "2012-08-08T04:14:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/1 "2012-08-08T04:14:33Z")
Here’s a great recent one from the _The Australian_: [Man held in gigolo vampire murder](http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/man-held-in-gigolo-vampire-murder/story-e6frg6nf-1226445122002). Naturally, an associate of the murderer is believed to be hiding out here in Thailand. We get 'em all here. And of course, there’s the classic “Foot Heads Arms Body” that appeared in _The Times of London_ after [Michael Foot](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Foot) became leader of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in 1986. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/2 "2012-08-08T12:51:16Z")
I’ll just leave [this](http://www.gentlemenranters.com/images/Fuchs2.jpg) here. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/3 "2012-08-08T13:49:04Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > And of course, there’s the classic “Foot Heads Arms Body” that appeared in _The Times of London_ after [Michael Foot](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Foot) became leader of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament in 1986. That reminds me of the New York Post headline, “[Headless Body in Topless Bar](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:NYPost.jpg).” ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/4 "2012-08-08T14:16:14Z")
The small private university in Canton, St. Lawrence County, NY, known as St. Lawrence University, used to have an execrable football team. After one particularly lopsided loss, a friend of my wife and myself who had dropped out of a Catholic seminary located near Canton was working for the local daily newspaper as a sportswriter, and saw a golden opportunity, headlining his story [St. Lawrence Martyred on Gridiron](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_of_Rome#Martyrdom). ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2012, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/5 "2012-08-08T14:18:33Z")
[Here’s a similar thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=421762) from 2007. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/6 "2012-08-09T00:18:03Z")
USA Today ran this headline a couple of years ago: Top Hospitals Still Plagued by Deaths You don’t say. I guess they haven’t quite got the kinks out of that immortality potion yet. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/7 "2012-08-09T01:03:36Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > I’ll just leave [this](http://www.gentlemenranters.com/images/Fuchs2.jpg) here. That reminds me of [this](http://regmedia.co.uk/2001/09/12/615.gif). ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/8 "2012-08-09T02:55:33Z")
The Globe And Mail once ran a story with the headline “Marijuana issue goes to joint committee.” Well, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/9 "2012-08-09T15:38:20Z")
My favorite headline in years: [Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way](http://weldbham.com/secondfront/2012/02/24/poll-santorum-comes-from-behind-in-alabama-three-way/) ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/10 "2012-08-09T15:45:59Z")
Looks like Pyongyang is having a fit of pique, as CNN reports: [North Korea to Australian paper: We’re not ‘naughty,’ you are](http://edition.cnn.com/2012/08/08/world/asia/north-korea-naughty-newspaper/index.html?iref=allsearch) Stems from an obscure free Aussie paper’s labelling of South Korea as Nice Korea and the North as Naughty Korea during Olympics reporting. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/11 "2012-08-09T15:49:24Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > My favorite headline in years: [Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way](http://weldbham.com/secondfront/2012/02/24/poll-santorum-comes-from-behind-in-alabama-three-way/) This used to say “[Santorum Blasts Obama at Cumming Rally](http://www.accessnorthga.com/detail.php?n=245894),” but it appears they’re changed it. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/12 "2012-08-09T19:13:18Z")
I don’t have a link, but back in the late 1970s, the Washington Post headlined an article “All Utah Sentenced To Be Shot.” As states were reintroducing capital punishment and deciding on which means of execution they should use, apparently Utah decided that all persons sentenced to death in Utah would be shot; in the header, ‘Sentenced’ was the subject, not the verb, and ‘All Utah’ a modifier, not the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/13 "2012-08-09T19:27:31Z")
Rumour has it that the local newspaper, some time in the early '60s, ran a story about a guy by the name of Oliver Holly who on Christmas Eve badly beat his girlfriend by the name of Molly. She shot him in the groin. The headline writer, so the story goes, was drunk. Molly decks halls with balls of Holly She sure made Oliver twist ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-newspaper-headlines/630825/14 "2012-08-09T20:17:43Z")
Our local Bergen (NJ) Record ran a headline on September 11, 2008 anout the sentencing in a sexual pervert case: \*\* Seven years for necrophilia\*\* Bad timing, no?