Great political putdowns/zingers

“Winston [Churchill] would skin his own mother to make a drum to pound his praises.” - attrib. to David Lloyd George

“Neville Chamberlain looked at foreign policy through the wrong end of a municipal drainpipe.” - Churchill

“Mr. Coolidge, I made a bet that I’d get you to say more than two words at dinner tonight.” “You lose.” - A society matron and Calvin Coolidge

“Everyone likes flattery, and when speaking to royalty you should lay it on with a trowel.” - Disraeli

“A second-class intellect but a first-class temperament.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., on FDR

“If Gen. McClellan isn’t using the Army of the Potomac, I’d like to borrow it for awhile.” - Lincoln

“A city of Northern charm and Southern efficiency.” - JFK, describing Washington, D.C.

One I always wanted to see, when GWB was comparing himself to George Washington:

“Senator, I served with George Washington. I knew George Washington. George Washington was a friend of mine. Governor, you’re no George Washington.”
-Strom Thurmond to GW Bush.

It would have been inappropriate, but I wish he had responded with “That’s true. I married my Marilyn.”

Senator McCain, at the debate, commenting on the $1 million earmark for Woodstock;

“Now my friends, I wasn’t there. I’m sure it was a cultural and pharmaceutical event. I was tied up at the time.”

This isn’t really a putdown, but it is one of my favorite quotes about politics. It comes from Beyond the Fringe. Jonathan Miller is explaining the American political system to Dudley Moore:

JONATHAN: [The Americans] have inherited our two-party system.

DUDLEY: How does that work?

JONATHAN: Well, they have the Republican Party, which is the equivalent of our Conservative Party, and they have the Democratic Party, which is the equivalent of our Conservative Party.

Jesse Jackson used that during an appearance on Saturday Night Live, but I don’t think it was original to him.

Ron Paul “One thing is clear:The Founding Fathers never intended a nation where citizens pay nearly half of what the earn to the government.” 7/17/01

Ron Paul " No matter how well intended, an authoritarian government always abuses it’s powers."

On 19th century British Prime Minister William Gladstone:

“If he were soaked in boiling water and rinsed until he twisted into rope, I do not suppose a drop of fun would ooze out.” Hon. Emily Eden

“I do not object to Gladstone’s always having the ace of trumps up his sleeve, but only to his pretence that God has put it there.” Henry Labouchere

This one is misattributed. It was Samuel Foote, English playwright.

[sub]I know, pedantic…[/sub]

Not to mention that “liberal” and “conservative” mean different things on that side of the pond from this one, anyway.

Reminds me of the time I used a rather juvenile “yo mama” type joke in boot camp, and my subject responded angrily, “You don’t know my mama!” To which I replied, “Well, I would recognize her by her scalp.”

Zingers? Really?

I believe, my dear sir, that you are mistaken. I knew it (paraphrased) from memory, but just confirmed it by consulting Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, 15th Ed. (Little, Brown and Co., 1980), p. 368, and The Oxford Dictionary of Political Quotations (Oxford Univ. Press, 1996), p. 389. Both attribute it to Sir Charles Petrie, The Four Georges (1935); the Oxford book calls it “probably apocryphal.”

Ah, Sir. You do not have the benefit of Fred Shapiro’s recent tome, The Yale Book of Quotations, which is the best researched quotation dictionary out there. While that quote was only attributed to Wilkes in 1935, the quote was attributed to Foote by one Percival Stockdale in his The Memoirs of the LIfe and Writings of Percival Stockdale(1809). It was quoted there as “Foote, I have often wondered what catastrophe would bring you to your end; but I think, that you must either die of the p-x, or the halter.”–“My lord,”(replied Foote instantaneously] “that will depend upon one of two contingencies;–whether I embrace your lordship’s mistress or your lordship’s principles.”

I’ll take the cite closer to the time frame.

The hell you say, sir! 'Tis the first time I’ve ever heard that quotation so attributed. This Shapiro fellow is clearly a knave and a mountebank, and I daresay ill-informed as well. Away with him!

Disputed, but generally attributed to Australian Labor Party Prime Minister Gough Whitlam, in response to a (conservative) Country Party member’s, “I’m a Country member!”…

“Yes, I remember.”

Sort of political.

Margot Asquith to Jean Harlow who had mispronounced her name:

“The T is silent, as in Harlow”
(Her husband was Prime Minister of the UK)

“Do you, Ambassador Zorin, deny that the U.S.S.R. has placed and is placing medium- and intermediate-range missiles and sites in Cuba?.. Don’t wait for the translation! Yes or no?” Adlai Stevenson

In watching Colin Powell testify before the UN about the “threat” Iraq posed the world, I couldn’t help but think, “Mr. Powell, you’re no Adlai Stevenson.”

It wouldn’t have worked. Quayle had just been saying he was like Kennedy. So knocking Kennedy would have ricocheted back on him. Besides, people like Kennedy - even a Republican like Quayle wanted to borrow his popularity - so insulting his memory would have been a losing strategy.

The way Quayle should have handled the remark would have been to toss out a Kennedyesque quip. His inability to come up with anything better than “That was really uncalled for, Senator” showed that Bentsen was right.

Maybe it’s an Australian thing but I don’t get it.

I believe it was Clement Attlee who emerged from the empty cab.

It should be pointed out that Churchill always denied making any such remark.