# GREAT SEX IN A BOTTLE !! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2001, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343 "2001-09-23T15:24:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/21 "2001-09-23T23:26:30Z")
new from Ronco! “Spray on Merkins” ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/22 "2001-09-23T23:27:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\* > I just want someone > That I can swallow. > I’ll take you just the way you are. \*\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/23 "2001-09-24T00:00:12Z")
The ones I love are: “We had this poor guy come in, and he hadn’t had a date in years. But after our patented hair removal system got rid of that unsightly BACK HAIR he’s busy every night!” I never knew that women were so repulsed by back hair. Especially since most guys I know keep their shirts on when asking women for dates. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/24 "2001-09-24T00:05:50Z")
what? you mean some people don’t have their shirts off when they ask people on dates? more fools they! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/25 "2001-09-24T02:59:48Z")
Sex in a Bottle is great! Just make sure you check the vintage before you buy it. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/26 "2001-09-24T03:13:11Z")
This hair is your hair, this hair is my hair its from ronco, its really nice hair from a can now, in different shades now this hair is made for you and me ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/27 "2001-09-24T03:27:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \* > \*\*I had great sex in a bottle once. > \*\* Liar, that kind of joy only omes in cans. ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/28 "2001-09-24T03:37:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*\*\*GREAT SEX IN A BOTTLE !!! \*\* > > I predict this is gonna replace “Jesus H. Christ on a po-go stick!!!” \*\* but I love that screen saver…how can I have great sex in a bottle on my screen at work? and does it go boing boing boing? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/29 "2001-09-24T04:23:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by schplebordnik \* > \*\*On a related note, I heard a radio ad this morning with the following (somewhat paraphrased): > “Did you know that 60% of women are dissatisfied with their man’s size.” > “Gentlemen, now you know, size DOES matter.” > “Product X [can’t remember the name] is a topical cream that can add up to 3” to your size." > > How’s that for playing into insecurities…? \*\* Three inches? That’s not a topical cream, that’s a tube of modeling clay. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/30 "2001-09-24T04:32:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*No worse then the mens hair ads that say “Will she still love me if I’m bald?” > > Talk about unbelievable. > > Zette \*\* That ad is HORRIBLE! The whole time I’m thinking, “If she’s that shallow, you probably ought to throw her to the curb right now!” “Will she still feel the same if you’re bald?” “Sure she will. She’ll just feel it about someone else.” Bleah. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/31 "2001-09-24T06:42:26Z")
> [@](#): > > - from an e-mail\* > Internet Investigator™ > Find Out Anything about Anyone Online > The No.1 Software Program for Online Investigations Is this even legal? who has that little to do with their life, that they just get this program and investigate random people? Say it with me now, “Completely bugshit psycho LOSER!” See also: cyberstalker, peeping Tom, and restrainig order. > [@](#): > > - more from the same e-mail\* > With Internet Investigator™ You Can Investigate: People, Credit Records, Social Security Numbers, Employment > Records, School Records, Criminal Records, Driving Records, > Addresses, Phone Numbers, Hidden Assets, Family Trees and a whole lot more! I cannot wrap my brain around the concept of wanting to find out so much at any one time. I know that there are legitimate needs for this sort of information but, to just have? For no reason at all?? This sort of thing makes baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![Gozu\_Tashoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@Gozu\_Tashoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu_Tashoya)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/32 "2001-09-24T08:04:05Z")
“You should see what she can do with seven milk bottles and a tuning fork!” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/33 "2001-09-24T11:32:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Miskatonic \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Eutychus55 \* > > \*\*I had great sex in a bottle once. > > \*\* > > Liar, that kind of joy only comes in cans. \*\* Come in cans? What is this, a new soft drink? “Try new _Jizm_[sup]tm[/sup] – the soda with **spunk**!” ---
**Author:** ![Kricket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f14d63/32.png) [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/34 "2001-09-24T13:09:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Odieman \* > \*\*This hair is your hair, this hair is my hair > its from ronco, its really nice hair > from a can now, in different shades now > this hair is made for you and me \*\* Now that’s just bad! Inventive? Yes. And what song do you think is going to be stuck in my head tonight at work? This is bad! I have a 12 hour shift comming up from 3pm to 3am and this is what I have to look forward to? Oh yes my friend, you will pay for this. Zette when I first saw that commercial I thought what a shallow bitch. And I laughed. It’s sad really. If she is that upset over hair loss gods forbid he get in a disfiguring accident! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/35 "2001-09-24T13:19:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ShibbOleth \* > \*\*Sex in a Bottle is great! > Just make sure you check the vintage before you buy it. \*\* No, that’s okay! It just says, “_Best_ before 1987.” ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/36 "2001-09-24T14:13:02Z")
Is this similar to Zebra’s sex pheromones? ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/37 "2001-09-24T14:27:51Z")
Well, this proposition interests me more than somewhat, and I insert the item into a party who is called Google, and Google comes up with several statistics, and he says to me as follows: 'Why, there are 142 cites for _Great Sex In A Bottle_, if that is what you wish, and who can say this is wrong. Also, if you do not wish your sex to be great, in the matter of bottles anyway, I have 1090 items of _Sex In A Bottle_, which by no means promise greatness, or at least the greatness does not feature on the label. Furthermore, in the matter of _Super Sex In A Bottle_, I make the total 43 sources, and I am wondering why super is considered greater than great, by a factor of 3, or maybe more. I am such a guy who is a search engine, and I am just around, and various parties wish my opinion on this, and that, and I am happy to give my opinion, for what that is worth. Now, many of these citizens are fond of requesting details of orgasms, and how these orgasms are obtained, and one thing and another, and it is a surprise to me how little these citizens know of orgasms, for they are a source of no little curiosity around these parts. So I put _Orgasm In A Bottle_ into myself, and I come up with 273, and I compare this number with _Great Sex In A Bottle_, which is 142, and I am surprised to see that it is possible to obtain such orgasms without having sex, even with a bottle. Well, since I am alone around here, and doing not much at this time, I check on _Masturbation In A Bottle_, and I observe 24 references to this much underrated activity, and if you will excuse me, I am going offline for a spell, as I am busy with a spot of research, and this research is of a most private nature, so no peeping, if you do not mind.’ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/38 "2001-09-24T15:10:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by schplebordnik \* > \*\*“Did you know that 60% of women are dissatisfied with their man’s size.” > “Gentlemen, now you know, size DOES matter.” > “Product X [can’t remember the name] is a topical cream that can add up to 3” to your size." > \*\* Cool. I wonder what I would look like if I was 6’6". ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/39 "2001-09-24T20:19:56Z")
OK. Some one’s got some 'splainin to do. I have 2 emails - one upon which I get absolutely every single piece of spam immaginable. The other rarely gets it. I just got this bulk mailing of ‘Sex in a Bottle’ on my ‘rarely get spam’ address. Note please: 1. This thread. 2. The OP is **Fenris** 3. And just whom do you think **has** this email addy, Hmmmmmm??? :: annoyed tapping foot :: (no, I don’t really believe that you had anything to do with it. but if you DO have an explanation, we’d be happy to hear it **Fen-cy** 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343/40 "2001-09-24T23:02:59Z")
Thank you to **xcheopis** for my new sig line, “Great sex in a bottle, Viagra-Man! They’re pouring Hot Liquid FuckTM into the water supply!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-sex-in-a-bottle/83343.md?page=3)