# Great TV moments that should have been but never were **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 4, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967 "2002-09-04T15:45:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/1 "2002-09-04T15:45:33Z")
**SNL** : back when Hans and Franz were commenting on Jimmy the Greek’s racisim debacle, Lorne (or whomever was in charge at the time) should have hired Bubba Smith to sneak up on the guys. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/2 "2002-09-04T16:08:02Z")
Carol Brady: "Hey! Mike! There are nine people living under this roof, and _one bathroom!_ What kind of no-talent dimwit of an architect are you? ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/3 "2002-09-04T16:25:43Z")
Fred & Barney & Wilma & Betty meet Ralph & Norton & Alice and Trixie. The Prisoner wakes up to find out that he’s Bob Newhart’s patient. Muppet Smackdown!: Gonzo vs. Grover The episode of M_A_S\*H where Hawkeye becomes a born-again Christian and gives up booze and women… The episode of AfterMASH where Harry Morgan and co. realize that this show stank and just upped and left. The episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Picard said “Fire at will” and Worf blasted Riker. The episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Dr. Pulaski mentions that her great-great-great-great grandmother died from falling down an elevator shaft in a Los Angeles law office. The episode of Cheers where Fraiser mentions that his father is dead and then his father walks in the door. In a very special Little House on the Prarie, Laura Ingalls discovers what happens to little girls who go near extradimensional vortexes and tease the Jem’Hadar. The time that Warner Wolf said “Let’s go to the videotape” and the techies in the back put a porn tape in the machine by mistake. Godzilla vs. the “World Book Encyclopedia” guy (same conclusion as the Babmi vs. Godzilla short). Zev Steinhardt (who has never been on television). ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/4 "2002-09-04T16:32:52Z")
The production meeting at which somebody suggested _The Anna Nicole Show_ and was beaten to death by the others in attendance. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/6 "2002-09-04T18:15:16Z")
The final episode of _Cheers_ where disgruntled postal worker Cliff Clavin comes into the bar armed to the teeth and blows everyone away. _That_ series finale would have had everyone talking about it for _years_. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/7 "2002-09-04T18:25:15Z")
The one where Major Nelson says, “You know Jeannie, let’s just go crazy. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that navel.” The one where Darren says “You know Sam, use your powers. I’m tired of shlepping into the city everyday. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that nose twitch for real.” The one where Mike says “Carol, I’m gay, and I’m moving in with Sam the Butcher.” The one where Ricki grows a beard and tells Lucy “I’m heading home, and taking Little Ricki with me. Viva la Revolucion.” ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/8 "2002-09-04T18:26:22Z")
The one where Major Nelson says, “You know Jeannie, let’s just go crazy. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that navel.” The one where Darren says “You know Sam, use your powers. I’m tired of shlepping into the city everyday. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that nose twitch for real.” The one where Mike says “Carol, I’m gay, and I’m moving in with Sam the Butcher.” The one where Ricki grows a beard and tells Lucy “I’m heading home, and taking Little Ricki with me. Viva la Revolucion.” The one where a tsunami takes out Baywatch. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/9 "2002-09-04T18:26:50Z")
The episode of Seinfeld where something was actually funny. The Addams Family meets The Munsters. (my money’s on Gomez & co.) ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/10 "2002-09-04T18:31:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Zev** _: > **Godzilla vs. the “World Book Encyclopedia” guy (same conclusion as the Babmi vs. Godzilla short).** **Almost Live** once did a skit touching on this. The annoying kid goes on and on about the books, and the (off-camera) announcer tells him to “come closer… closer… Yeah, that’s good, stand right there…” And belts him right in the face from behind the camera. “Man, I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” [sub]Be like Billy… behave yourselves![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/11 "2002-09-04T18:39:30Z")
Just once I would have liked to see Charlie Brown kick that damn football (either that, or he “misses” and kicks Lucy in the head). ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/12 "2002-09-04T19:28:30Z")
Lucy finally gets to perform in Desi’s show, on the night the whole band dies in a fire. Her last words as the buring collapsed ceiling beam crushes the life from her: _WAAAAAHHHHH!_ ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/13 "2002-09-04T19:34:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dubias Cereology \* > \*\*The one where Bart splices the dog and cat together into “a cog and dat” and tries to get them stuffed like that. \*\* Hey, this actually sorta happened, in the Halloween episode in which Homer buys the telepods off of Prof. Frink. The dog and cat run in there, and out comes an animal with the front half of a dog and cat joined together. Then another animal comes out composed of their asses, and Bart says, “Ewwww . . . that one’s Lisa’s.” ---
**Author:** ![stankow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@stankow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stankow)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/14 "2002-09-04T19:53:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zev\_steinhardt \* > **The episode of Cheers where Fraiser mentions that his father is dead and then his father walks in the door.** In all fairness to the writers, they did address this when Sam visited Frasier in Seattle. He told Marty that Frasier had said he was dead, and Frasier said, “Well, we’d just had an argument.” ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/15 "2002-09-04T20:14:01Z")
Wat should have happened: Molly and Trish starts a feud based on their personalities: Molly being pure, Trish being sexy. They get the WWE officials to lift the moveset restriction, and reward the fans with five-star matches each week on Raw. What happened instead: Trish calls Molly a “fat ass”, drops Molly pants each chance she gets, lackluster intergender matches with Molly always having a weak partner. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/16 "2002-09-04T20:15:53Z")
The real finales for **Seinfeld** and **Magnum P.I.** , not the crappy ones we got. Come on, I am waiting. . . ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/17 "2002-09-04T20:39:51Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by zev\_steinhardt \* > \*\* > The episode of M_A_S_H where Hawkeye becomes a born-again Christian and gives up booze and women… \*\* I’m in agreement… how about if the episode where he loses that bet and has to walk through the camp dressed in nothing but boots and dogtags had been less “creatively” filmed? ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/18 "2002-09-04T21:00:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by stankow \* > \*\*In all fairness to the writers, they did address this when Sam visited Frasier in Seattle. He told Marty that Frasier had said he was dead, and Frasier said, “Well, we’d just had an argument.” \*\* I must have missed that one on Fraiser. However, in any event, IIRC, when Fraiser was talking about his “late” father, he was doing it in a nostalgic, missing-dad kind of way. Not what I would expect if they just had an argument. In any event, if my father and I ever had an argument (and keep in mind, I once didn’t speak to my father for three years [long story]), I would still never refer to him as dead. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/19 "2002-09-04T22:22:54Z")
Dick Van Dyke - After Rob trips over the ottoman again, Laura gets rid of it and the chair and buys a La-Z-Boy ER - Greene is so miserable from undergoing chemotherapy that Weaver takes pity on him and does him in the suture room. Friends - the one where they get so wasted they stumble into a different part of the Village and actually interact with black people. Law & Order - after chasing lead after lead, the detectives say to hell with it, and the case is unsolved. Everybody Loves Raymond - Debra and Robert snap, kill the rest of the family and go on a seven-state crime spree before being gunned down by the police in a hail of bullets. 60 Minutes - “We’re running late, so there’s no time for Andy Rooney. Goodnight.” The Today Show - Katie Couric wakes up grumpy and Matt Lauer has a GOOD hair day. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2002, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/20 "2002-09-04T22:58:16Z")
The one where Mulder walks into the office and says, “Hey Scully, I was just kidding. I don’t believe any of that shit. I just wanted to play with your head.” The one where Angela Lansbury doesn’t have a clue and the sheriff solves the crime on his own. The one where Matlock buys a new suit! ---
**Author:** ![Swede\_Hollow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Swede\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swede_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2002, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/21 "2002-09-05T00:32:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by photopat \* > \*\*The one where Major Nelson says, “You know Jeannie, let’s just go crazy. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that navel.” > > The one where Darren says “You know Sam, use your powers. I’m tired of shlepping into the city everyday. Make me a Rolls and get in the back. I wanna see that nose twitch for real.”\*\* Wouldn’t these lead to a **My Mother The Car** sequel? How about **The Dick Van Dyke Show** where Rob sues the ottoman manufacturer and he and Laura move to a Caribean paradise. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967.md?page=2)