# Great TV moments that should have been but never were **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 4, 2002, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967 "2002-09-04T15:45:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/42 "2002-09-06T00:52:32Z")
Emeril Lagasse suffers a very unfortunate mishap when tries to operate a food processor while BAMMING some essence into the mix at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/43 "2002-09-06T01:02:16Z")
The episode of **Survivor** in which the entire cast is mauled by wolves. The episode of **er** in which Carter begins dating a woman who isn’t crazy, dealing with debilitating personal problems, or murdered by a patient. The episode of **The X-Files** in which Skinner and Kresh accept the reports and tell the agents they did a good job. The episode of **TRL** in which they play all the videos from start to finish and without interupting them so people can say how cute the guys from N’Sync are. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/44 "2002-09-06T01:26:15Z")
The episode of _Buffy_ when Angel discovers Spike in bed with Buffy and Spike and Angel duke it out. Without shirts on. The episode on the _Love Boat_ where the ship hits an iceberg and the entire crew goes down with the ship. That one episode on _Party of Five_ where Julia and Charlie laugh the whole time. ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/45 "2002-09-06T03:54:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dinahmoe \* > \*\*“Screw these happy little trees, let’s paint some boobies!!” \*\* 😃😃 This one had me cracking up for several minutes. Thanks, **dinahmoe**! Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/46 "2002-09-06T04:41:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*The episode of _Buffy_ when Angel discovers Spike in bed with Buffy and Spike and Angel duke it out. Without shirts on. > > \*\* It just might happen. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/47 "2002-09-06T04:58:41Z")
The bout where “the Rock” especially or any “pro-wrestler” REALLY gets their head bashed in w/ a steel chair! WHAM…get your ass up now…😛 ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/48 "2002-09-06T05:05:15Z")
The Fraiser where Martin reveals that years before, he was kicked off the force for taking bribes, and had actually been making ends meet writing radio jingles. The Cheers that shows Fraiser using black magic to resurrect his dead mother so that she can meet his fiancee Diane, and finds out that she’s aged 20 years since her death. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/49 "2002-09-06T05:47:12Z")
Frasier’s mother was on Cheer’s and threatened to kill Diane herself. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/50 "2002-09-06T05:52:35Z")
Eliza and Goliath: The wedding. ['Shippers of all camps, just add your own names to the sentance above to suit your own tastes. Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy, Egon & Jeanine, Bert & Ernie, whichever.] The Bugs Bunny version of _Carmina Burana._ Gumby walks into a copy of _Paradise Lost_ or _Flight of the Intruder._ The episode of Dr. Quinn where she decides to just let the abusive townspeople die. The episode of Friends where Monica starts taking Anafranil. The He-Man series finale where Skeletor conquers Eternia, executes the former ruling class, and ushers in a glorious new age of industry and civic expansion. Any “serious” anime series that ends with the heroes triumphing, and starting a massive celebration with the song “Any Way You Want It” blaring in the background. ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/51 "2002-09-06T06:07:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by t-keela \* > \*\*Frasier’s mother was on Cheer’s and threatened to kill Diane herself. \*\* This is, indeed, the episode to which I was referring, and in which my hypothetical scene would have ocurred. Your point is? ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/52 "2002-09-06T06:20:46Z")
News anchor:“The signal is coming through clearly, these images are being transmitted live from the surface of Mars. Of course when we say “live” remember that the radio waves transmitting the signal Earth left Mars several minutes ago, and are only just now arriving. All right, it looks like he’s about to step out of the hatchway. In just a few moments we’ll be hearing the first words spoken from the planet Mars. There he is. Let’s listen in.” Astronaut:“Ok, I’m going to step off the platform now.” [Steps onto the surface of Mars] “Pepsi, it’s the choice of a New Generation.” ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/53 "2002-09-06T06:25:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Number Six \* > > The Cheers that shows Fraiser using black magic to resurrect his dead mother so that she can meet his fiancee Diane, and finds out that she’s aged 20 years since her death. \*\* t-k “Frasier’s mother was on Cheer’s and threatened to kill Diane herself.” #6 “This is, indeed, the episode to which I was referring, and in which my hypothetical scene would have ocurred. Your point is?” _Hey #6, don’t mind me, it’s late and your logic just went by me…my bad!_ 😕 ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/54 "2002-09-06T06:27:47Z")
The episode of “Little House”, where the town people get together and stone Harriet Oleson. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/55 "2002-09-06T06:32:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dinahmoe \* > \*\*“Screw these happy little trees, let’s paint some boobies!!” \*\* I almost inhaled a macadamia nut when I read this. :eek: Archie Bunker finds out that his family name used to be Rabbinowitz, and that his great-grandmother was black. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/56 "2002-09-06T06:33:04Z")
ooops! Sorry Jeff, she coulda been your ggrandma or something. Sorry:D ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/57 "2002-09-06T06:52:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dinahmoe \* > \*\*“Screw these happy little trees, let’s paint some boobies!!” \*\* Oh my fluffy clouds! 😃 It took me awhile to figure out this was a reference to the Bob Ross’ Joy of painting TV show! [http://bobross.com/](http://bobross.com/) I am getting a cold, too slow now. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/58 "2002-09-06T09:32:34Z")
The procession through the jungle is solemn, and little is heard but stifled sobs and the whispered crush of grass underfoot. Six walk beneath the trees’ canopy carrying upon their shoulders a seventh, lashed to a plank. The Sailor struggles weakly against his bonds then again lies still. There had been another Incident. Another Accident. Another Failure. A decision long overdue had been made. A vote had been taken … and now his friends were taking him down to the beach to die. Upon reaching the lagoon, they lay the plank on the sand and step away, forming a semi-circle opening on the water. Gagged, the Sailor can do little but plead with his eyes, though none will meet his gaze. He slowly scans the circle … his friends …his Captain, the Industrialist and his wife, the Actress…and the rest. It is a long time before anyone moves. Finally, the Scientist steps forward. The filleting knife in his hand catches the sun for an instant . He kneels by the Sailor and starts to speak in a voice raw and trembling… “Gilligan, I…” …but he is overcome and, dropping the knife, falls to the sand as if in veneration, weeping violently into his hands. Soon a large shadow looms over him and a beefy, calloused hand rests itself firmly on his shoulder. “It’s all right, Roy. It should be me anyway…” Reaching down, the Captain helps the Scientist to his feet and kneels in his place. He picks up the knife and places the blade under the Sailor’s chin. “We’ve had quite a run, haven’t we little buddy?” He says and tries to smile. A single tear paints a copper trail through the dust and dried salt on his cheek. It is over in an instant. A swift movement, a soft gurgle, and then just the sound of a three-hundred pound man howling his anguish to the sky. Soon, they lift the plank from the sand and walk it down to the water. It floats slowly from sight as the Captain, in his rich baritone, sings an old seaman’s song of duty, love and death. One by one, they walk back to their huts where they begin to pack for the inevitable rescue which, as it happens, comes the following day. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/59 "2002-09-06T18:48:49Z")
The episode of Star Trek where Spock kicks someone in the nuts, and then explains the logic behind it. The episode of either RAW or Smackdown! where a wrestler is seen either reading Stephen Hawking or engaged in a deep philosphical conversation. It’s not that I don’t think wrestlers are smart, I just think this would be damn funny. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/60 "2002-09-06T19:29:03Z")
The “Touched by an Angel” ep in which Della Reese reveals that the oft-mentioned big man upstairs is Allah. Della, Roma Downey and Valerie Bertinelli are tortured for appearing to mortals without wearing their burqhas; and finally Roma and Valerie, as well as 70 other Angels, must serve as concubines to recently deceased terrorists. The “Will & Grace” episode in which Will realizes “comes out” as a straight man and confesses that he loves Grace. Karen gets bawled out for being a drunken bitch and for her racist treatment of her maid, and Jack gets bawled out for being acting like such a stereotypical mincing pansy homo. The “Friends” episode in which someone suggests they all might not be so neurotic and high-strung if they didn’t sit around at Central Perk drinking a gazilllion cups of coffee every day. The “Lifetime Channel Movie of the Week” in which the main character has a dilemma that is not caused by a threatening, mysogynist boyfriend/husband/boss/stalker ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967/61 "2002-09-06T19:47:39Z")
"The “Friends” episode in which someone suggests they all might not be so neurotic and high-strung if they didn’t sit around at Central Perk drinking a gazilllion cups of coffee every day. " Joey suggested this one time in a funny scene. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/great-tv-moments-that-should-have-been-but-never-were/126967.md?page=4)