# Greatest/Favorite Movie Monologues **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 27, 2007, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694 "2007-09-27T15:00:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/21 "2007-09-27T17:42:40Z")
> [@network](#): > > **Howard Beale** : I don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It’s a depression. Everybody’s out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel’s work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV’s while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won’t say anything. Just leave us alone.’ Well, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don’t want you to protest. I don’t want you to riot - I don’t want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn’t know what to tell you to write. I don’t know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. > > **Howard Beale** : [shouting] You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, > [shouting] > > **Howard Beale** : ‘I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!’ I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!.. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: > > **Howard Beale** : [screaming at the top of his lungs] “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” I’m a big fan of this one . And does this count as a monologue? > [@Dr. Strangelove](#): > > **President Merkin Muffley** : [to Kissoff] Hello?.. Uh… Hello D- uh hello Dmitri? Listen uh uh I can’t hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?.. Oh-ho, that’s much better… yeah… huh… yes… Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri… Clear and plain and coming through fine… I’m coming through fine, too, eh?.. Good, then… well, then, as you say, we’re both coming through fine… Good… Well, it’s good that you’re fine and… and I’m fine… I agree with you, it’s great to be fine… a-ha-ha-ha-ha… Now then, Dmitri, you know how we’ve always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb… The _Bomb_, Dmitri… The _hydrogen_ bomb!.. Well now, what happened is… ahm… one of our base commanders, he had a sort of… well, he went a little funny in the head… you know… just a little… funny. And, ah… he went and did a silly thing… Well, I’ll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes… to attack your country… Ah… Well, let me finish, Dmitri… Let me finish, Dmitri… Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?.. Can you _imagine_ how I feel about it, Dmitri?.. Why do you think I’m calling you? Just to say hello?.. _Of course_ I like to speak to you!.. _Of course_ I like to say hello!.. Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I’m just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened… It’s a _friendly_ call. Of course it’s a friendly call… Listen, if it wasn’t friendly… you probably wouldn’t have even got it… They will _not_ reach their targets for at least another hour… I am… I am positive, Dmitri… Listen, I’ve been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick… Well, I’ll tell you. We’d like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes… Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we’re unable to recall the planes, then… I’d say that, ah… well, ah… we’re just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri… I know they’re our boys… All right, well listen now. Who should we call?.. _Who_ should we call, Dmitri? The… wha-whe, the People… you, sorry, you faded away there… The People’s Central Air Defense Headquarters… Where is that, Dmitri?.. In Omsk… Right… Yes… Oh, you’ll call them first, will you?.. Uh-huh… Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri?.. Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Omsk information… Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm… I’m sorry, too, Dmitri… I’m very sorry… _All right_, you’re sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well… I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don’t say that you’re more sorry than I am, because I’m capable of being just as sorry as you are… So we’re both sorry, all right?.. All right. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/22 "2007-09-27T17:44:55Z")
> [@](#): > > This watch I got here was first > purchased by your great-granddaddy. > It was bought during the First World > War in a little general store in > Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought > by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge > the day he set sail for Paris. It > was your great-granddaddy’s war watch, > made by the first company to ever > make wrist watches. You see, up until > then, people just carried pocket > watches. Your great-granddaddy wore > that watch every day he was in the > war. Then when he had done his duty, > he went home to your great- > grandmother, took the watch off his > wrist and put it in an ol’ coffee > can. And in that can it stayed ‘til > your grandfather Dane Coolidge was > called upon by his country to go > overseas and fight the Germans once > again. This time they called it World > War Two. Your great-granddaddy gave > it to your granddad for good luck. > Unfortunately, Dane’s luck wasn’t as > good as his old man’s. Your granddad > was a Marine and he was killed with > all the other Marines at the battle > of Wake Island. Your granddad was > facing death and he knew it. None of > those boys had any illusions about > ever leavin’ that island alive. So > three days before the Japanese took > the island, your 22-year old > grandfather asked a gunner on an Air > Force transport named Winocki, a man > he had never met before in his life, > to deliver to his infant son, who he > had never seen in the flesh, his > gold watch. Three days later, your > grandfather was dead. But Winocki > kept his word. After the war was > over, he paid a visit to your > grandmother, delivering to your infant > father, his Dad’s gold watch. This > watch. This watch was on your Daddy’s > wrist when he was shot down over > Hanoi. He was captured and put in a > Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew > if the gooks ever saw the watch it’d > be confiscated. The way your Daddy > looked at it, that watch was your > birthright. And he’d be damned if > and slopeheads were gonna put their > greasy yella hands on his boy’s > birthright. So he hid it in the one > place he knew he could hide somethin’. > His ass. Five long years, he wore > this watch up his ass. Then when he > died of dysentery, he gave me the > watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk > of metal up my ass for two years. > Then, after seven years, I was sent > home to my family. And now, little > man, I give the watch to you. ``` ----Walken in [Pulp](http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Pulp-Fiction.html) ``` ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/23 "2007-09-27T17:52:56Z")
Jimmy Stewart’s little monologue in _Harvey_ that includes the great line, “…because no one brings anything small into a bar.” In _Lost Weeekend_, the orderly at the “halfway-hospital, halfway-prison”, has a great spiel where he describes “the DT’s” to Ray Milland. “You know that stuff about pink elephants? That’s the bunk. It’s little animals: tiny turkeys in straw hats, midget monkeys climbing through the keyhole. See that guy over there? With him, it’s beetles. Come the night, he sees beetles crawling all over him…” ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/24 "2007-09-27T17:57:08Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] ----Walken in [Pulp](http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Pulp-Fiction.html) [/QUOTE] And the real payoff of that whole monologue comes later in the movie when Butch asks Fabienne, “Do you have any idea what my father went through to get me that watch? Well, I don’t have time to go into it right now, but a lot.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/25 "2007-09-27T17:58:11Z")
Perhaps it’s a cliche at this point, and obviously not written \*for \*a movie, but is there any pre-battle exhortation since that is not merely a pale imitation of \*\*Henry V’s Saint Crispin’s Day [speech](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAvmLDkAgAM) \*\*? While not strictly a monologue, Vizzini’s [cogitation](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUee1WvtQZU) during the Battle of Wits in **The Princess Bride** is brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/26 "2007-09-27T17:59:05Z")
From Guys and Dolls: On the day when I left home to make my way in the world, my daddy took me to one side. “Son,” my daddy says to me, “I am sorry I am not able to bankroll you to a large start, but not having the necessary lettuce to get you rolling, instead I’m going to stake you to some very valuable advice. One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not accept this bet, because as sure as you stand there, you’re going to wind up with an ear full of cider.” ---
**Author:** ![Gfactor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Gfactor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gfactor)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/27 "2007-09-27T18:02:52Z")
[QUOTE=Gfactor] Kevin Spacey speech in _Big Kahuna_. [/QUOTE] Found it: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ00eBEToQc&mode=related&search=](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ00eBEToQc&mode=related&search=) ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/28 "2007-09-27T18:08:27Z")
Tom Joad: > [@](#): > > I’ll be all around in the dark. > I’ll be everywhere. Wherever you can look. > Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. > Wherever there’s a cop beating up a guy, > I’ll be there. > I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad. > I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re > hungry and they know supper’s ready. > And when people > are eating the stuff they raise… > living in the houses they build… > > I’ll be there too. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/29 "2007-09-27T18:10:29Z")
[QUOTE=Gangster Octopus] Jon Voigt’s speech to Eric Roberts in _Runaway Train_ about the fine line between civility and anarchy. [/QUOTE] ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/zL8QtRN2D_E/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/zL8QtRN2D_E?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque NSFW due to language ---
**Author:** ![RedSwinglineOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@RedSwinglineOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedSwinglineOne)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/30 "2007-09-27T18:11:53Z")
Not strictly a monologue, but Al Pacino at the end of Devils Advocate. Robert Shaw as Captain Quint in Jaws, on the sinking of the Indianapolis. […I’ll never put on a lifejacket again…](http://www.whysanity.net/monos/jaws.html) ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/31 "2007-09-27T18:15:47Z")
Meet Joe Black > [@](#): > > ``` > Joe starts eating, Parrish watches him, somewhat fascinated, > Joe's chewing has improved. > > PARRISH (cont'd) > Good? > > JOE > Excellent. What is it? > > PARRISH > Cold lamb sandwich with cilantro. A > little Coleman's mustard. > > Joe takes another big bite. > > JOE > Truly - uh - splendid. > > PARRISH > Glad you like it. My wife turned me > onto cold lamb sandwiches. Joan -- > that was my wife -- > > JOE > (familiarly) > Uh-huh. > > PARRISH > Cold lamb sandwiches -- not as chewy > as roast beef, not as boring as > chicken. She knew stuff like that. > > Silence, Parrish getting lost in his memories. > > PARRISH (cont'd) > -- Everything reminds me of her -- > there isn't a day that goes by that > I don't think about her -- One day > she was here. The next day she was > gone. What are you going to do? -- > I guess you've heard all this a > trillion times before. > > JOE > And more. > > PARRISH > Why didn't you stop me? > > JOE > Well...I don't know. > > ``` ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/32 "2007-09-27T19:45:08Z")
Not sure if this counts, but the whole pre-credit sequence in Raising Arizona is a favorite of mine. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/33 "2007-09-27T20:42:25Z")
[QUOTE=Gangster Octopus] ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/zL8QtRN2D_E/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/zL8QtRN2D_E?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque NSFW due to language [/QUOTE] Good lord, I forgot how much I loved that movie. That monologue / dialogue… So powerful… And the cinematography and visual direction were brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/34 "2007-09-27T21:19:05Z")
Anton Walbrook’s monologue in _The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp_, explaining why he fled Nazi Germany and is seeking asylum in the UK. It’s a good five minutes long, all done in one continuous close up, and it’s absolutely riveting. The film was made in 1943, and Walbrook, who was Austrian, was essentially explaining why he’d been forced to abandon his own country in the face of the Nazi regime. His sense of both betrayal and resignation is palpable, and it’s not an act. ---
**Author:** ![denquixote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@denquixote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/denquixote)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/35 "2007-09-27T22:18:28Z")
Sam Spade: When a man’s partner is killed, he’s supposed to do something about it. It doesn’t make any difference what you thought of him. He was your partner and you’re supposed to do something about it. And it happens we’re in the detective business. Well, when one of your organization gets killed, it’s-it’s bad business to let the killer get away with it, bad all around, bad for every detective everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/36 "2007-09-27T22:35:02Z")
Richard Crenna’s speech to the crew from **The Sand Pebbles.** > [@](#): > > “Today we begin cruising to show the flag on Tungting Lake and the Hunan Rivers. I want all honors rendered smartly. At home in America, when today reaches them it will be Flag Day. For us who wear the uniform every day is Flag Day. It is said that there will be no more wars. We must pretend to believe that. But when war comes, it is we who will take the first shock, and buy time with our lives. It is we who keep the Faith…We serve the Flag. The trade we all follow is the give and take of death. It is for that purpose that the people of America maintain us. And anyone of us who believes he has a job like any other, for which he draws a money wage, is a thief of the food he eats, and a trespasser in the bunk in which he lies down to sleep.” ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2007, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/37 "2007-09-27T22:54:08Z")
Al Bundy: “So you think I’m a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn’t respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean ‘loser’ to you, but let me tell you something: Every morning when I wake up, I know it’s not going to get any better until I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no upholstery, no gas and six more payments to fight traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I’ll never play football like I thought I would, I’ll never know the touch of a beautiful woman, and I’ll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I’m not a loser. ‘Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who’ll never be what he wanted to be are still out there, being what we don’t wanna be, forty hours a week—for life. And the fact that I haven’t put a gun to my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!” ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/38 "2007-09-28T03:07:16Z")
[QUOTE=Unauthorized Cinnamon] Perhaps it’s a cliche at this point, and obviously not written \*for \*a movie, but is there any pre-battle exhortation since that is not merely a pale imitation of \*\*Henry V’s Saint Crispin’s Day [speech](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAvmLDkAgAM) \*\*? [/QUOTE] That totally rips off Independence Day :mad: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tibidabo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@Tibidabo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibidabo)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/39 "2007-09-28T09:46:17Z")
Richard E. Grant’s Hamlet soliliquy at the end of ‘Withnail and I’ Brilliant ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/40 "2007-09-28T10:17:14Z")
**Sage Rat** , what you posted was a _dialogue_, not a _monologue_. Mine is also from _Withnail & I_ (I’m not sure the film can really claim credit for Withnail’s _Hamlet_ monologue, though Richard E. Grant’s performance of it was poignant as hell.) Uncle Monty: > [@](#): > > The old order changeth, giving way to the new, and God fulfils himself in many ways. > > And soon, I suppose, I shall be swept away by some vulgar little tumour. > > My boys, we are at the end of an age: we live in a land of _weather forecasts_ and breakfasts that ‘_set in_’; shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour. > > And here we are, we three: perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. > > Now which of you is going to be a splendid fellow and go down to the Rolls for the rest of the wine? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694.md?page=3)