# Greatest/Favorite Movie Monologues **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 27, 2007, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694 "2007-09-27T15:00:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/61 "2007-09-28T20:56:07Z")
It’s much shorter than some of the excellent entries here, but this is from _The Third Man_: > [@](#): > > “In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed — they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/62 "2007-09-28T21:25:25Z")
Lots of real beauties here. Love Quint’s speech from Jaws immensly (natch 😉 ) and pretty much all the other monologues mentioned. I’ll put forward one of several winners Richard E. Grant delivers in **How to Get Ahead in Advertising**. > [@Dennis Dimbleby Bagley](#): > > We’re living in a shop. The world is one magnificent fucking shop, and if it hasn’t got a price tag, it isn’t worth having. The Greatest freedom of all is the freedom of choice, and that’s the difference between you and me, boil. I was brought up to believe in that, and so should you, but you don’t want freedom, do you? You don’t even want roads. God I never want to go on another train as long as I live! Roads represent the fundamental right of man to have access to the good things in life. Without roads, established family favorites would become elite delicacies. Potter’s soap would be for the few. There’d be no more tea bags, no instant potatoes, no long life cream. Chewing gum would probably disappear, so would porkpies. There’d be no aerosols, no tin spaghetti, or baked beans with six frankfurters. Foot deodorizers would climax without the hope of replacement! When the hydrolized mono-sodium glutomate reserves ran out, food would rot in its packets. Jesus Christ, there wouldn’t be any more packets! Packaging would vanish from the face of the earth. But worst of all, there’d be no more cars, and more than anything, people love their cars. They have a right to them. They have to sweat all day in some stinking factory making disposable cigarette lighters or everlasting Christmas trees, by Christ, they’re entitled to them! They’re entitled to any innovation technology brings. Whether it’s ten percent more of it or fifteen percent off of it. They’re entitled to one of four important new ingredients. Why should anyone have to clean their teeth without important new ingredients? Why the hell shouldn’t they have their CZT? How dare some smutty Marxist carbunkle presume to deny them it? They love their CZT! They want it, they need it, they positively adore it, and by Christ, while I’ve got air in my body they’re going to get it! They’re going to get it bigger - and brighter - and better. I’ll put CZT in their margarine if necessary; shove vitamins in their toilet rolls. If happiness means the whole world standing on a double layer of foot deodorizers, I, Bagley, shall see that they get it! By God I will. I shall not cease, till Jerusalem is builded here, on England’s green and pleasant lands! ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/63 "2007-09-28T21:37:37Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] **Sage Rat** , what you posted was a _dialogue_, not a _monologue_. [/QUOTE] Not really. The bits that aren’t Parish are just head noddings. If you see the scene as performed, the fact that anyone else was saying something is entirely forgettable. I’d vote that if it comes across as a monologue then it’s a monologue. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/64 "2007-09-28T22:22:35Z")
Spencer Tracy’s at the end of _Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner_ Matt Drayton: “Now Mr. Prentice, clearly a most reasonable man, says he has no wish to offend me but wants to know if I’m some kind of a _nut_. And Mrs. Prentice says that like her husband I’m a burned-out old shell of a man who cannot even remember what it’s like to love a woman the way her son loves my daughter. And strange as it seems, that’s the first statement made to me all day with which I am prepared to take issue… cause I think you’re wrong, you’re as wrong as you can be. I admit that I hadn’t considered it, hadn’t even thought about it, but I know exactly how he feels about her and there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you son feels for my daughter that I didn’t feel for Christina. Old- yes. Burned-out- certainly, but I can tell you the memories are still there- clear, intact, indestructible, and they’ll be there if I live to be 110. Where John made his mistake I think was in attaching so much importance to what her mother and I might think… because in the final analysis it doesn’t matter a damn what we think. The only thing that matters is what they feel, and how much they feel, for each other. And if it’s half of what we felt- that’s everything. As for you two and the problems you’re going to have, they seem almost unimaginable, but you’ll have no problem with me, and I think when Christina and I and your mother have some time to work on him you’ll have no problem with your father, John. But you do know, I’m sure you know, what you’re up against. There’ll be 100 million people right here in this country who will be shocked and offended and appalled and the two of you will just have to ride that out, maybe every day for the rest of your lives. You could try to ignore those people, or you could feel sorry for them and for their prejudice and their bigotry and their blind hatred and stupid fears, but where necessary you’ll just have to cling tight to each other and say “screw all those people”! Anybody could make a case, a hell of a good case, against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you’re two wonderful people who happened to fall in love and happened to have a pigmentation problem, and I think that now, no matter what kind of a case some bastard could make against your getting married, there would be only one thing worse, and that would be if - knowing what you two are and knowing what you two have and knowing what you two feel- you didn’t get married. Well, Tillie, when the hell are we gonna get some dinner?” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/65 "2007-09-28T22:39:40Z")
Just for its cringeworthy wonderfulness, Baby to Johnny in **Dirty Dancing** : Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/66 "2007-09-29T00:27:17Z")
I forgot to give a shout out for the already mentioned Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction. I want to add a few. The Godfather: This set the tone of the movie in so many ways. Also the Johnny Fontane story, but that was a dialog. [first lines] [QUOTE=Bonasera] I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom, but I taught her never to dishonor her family. She found a boyfriend; not an Italian. She went to the movies with him; she stayed out late. I didn’t protest. Two months ago, he took her for a drive, with another boyfriend. They made her drink whiskey. And then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honor. So they beat her, like an animal. When I went to the hospital, her nose was a’broken. Her jaw was a’shattered, held together by wire. She couldn’t even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life beautiful girl. Now she will never be beautiful again. I went to the police, like a good American. These two boys were brought to trial. The judge sentenced them to three years in prison - suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They went free that very day! I stood in the courtroom like a fool. And those two bastards, they smiled at me. Then I said to my wife, for justice, we must go to Don Corleone. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Don Corleone] I never wanted this for you. I work my whole life - I don’t apologize - to take care of my family, and I refused to be a fool, dancing on the string held by all those bigshots. I don’t apologize - that’s my life - but I thought that, that when it was your time, that you would be the one to hold the string. Senator Corleone; Governor Corleone. Well, it wasn’t enough time, Michael. It wasn’t enough time. [/QUOTE] I love this one. [QUOTE=Don Corleone] I’m a superstitious man, and if some unlucky accident should befall Michael - if he is to be shot in the head by a police officer, or be found hung dead in a jail cell… or if he should be struck by a bolt of lightning - then I’m going to blame some of the people in this room; and then I do not forgive. But with said, I pledge - on the souls of my grandchildren - that I will not be the one to break the peace that we have made today. [/QUOTE] Now some from the [Untouchables](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094226/quotes): [QUOTE=Capone] I’m gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I’m gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I’m gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand. Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I’d have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that’s how you know who won. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Malone] You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. _That’s_ the _Chicago_ way! And that’s how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that? I’m offering you a deal. Do you want this deal? Ness: I have sworn to capture this man with all legal powers at my disposal and I will do so. [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/67 "2007-09-29T01:10:41Z")
Obviously, just about any movie of a Shakespeare play is going to have some damn good monologuin’. Two more recent ones I liked: Matt Damon in _Good Will Hunting_, explaining why he doesn’t want to work for the NSA: > [@](#): > > Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ‘cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had a no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, “Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area” ‘cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number got called, ‘cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from Southie takin’ shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, ‘cause he’ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ‘til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s got to walk to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ‘cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’ ‘cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. I figure fuck it, while I’m at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president. Renee Zellweger’s character in _Down With Love_, explaining what’s been going on in the entire movie up to that point, with backstory, in one continuous monologue that leaves Ewan McGregor’s character speechless. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/68 "2007-09-29T08:54:39Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > I’d vote that if it comes across as a monologue then it’s a monologue. Well, that’s not the universally understood definition, but each to their own. While we’re at it, the late lamented Spalding Gray’s movie monologue _Swimming to Cambodia_ is a stunning piece of work: moving, entertaining, enlightening, funny. All delivered straight to camera. Any of you who haven’t seen this, stick it on your Netflix picks or try to get it from Amazon - it’s kind of rare, but well worth the effort of getting it. The sequel, _Monster in a Box_ is very good too, but is a bit more self-indulgent, and can’t really touch the original. ---
**Author:** ![Mayo\_Speaks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mayo\_Speaks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayo_Speaks)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/69 "2007-09-29T09:30:05Z")
No love for Jack Nicholson at the end of “A Few Good Men?” > [@](#): > > Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/70 "2007-09-29T19:41:58Z")
[QUOTE=Bayard] Jimmy Stewart’s little monologue in _Harvey_ that includes the great line, “…because no one brings anything small into a bar.” [/QUOTE] This is one I came in to mention. (I’m the one who submitted it to the [IMDB Memorable Quotes page](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/quotes).) Here it is: > [@Elwood P. Dowd](#): > > Harvey and I sit in the bars… have a drink or two… play the juke box. And soon the faces of all the other people they turn toward mine and they smile. And they’re saying, “We don’t know your name, mister, but you’re a very nice fella.” Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We’ve entered as strangers - soon we have friends. And they come over… and they sit with us… and they drink with us… and they talk to us. They tell about the big terrible things they’ve done and the big wonderful things they’ll do. Their hopes, and their regrets, and their loves, and their hates. All very large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey… and he’s bigger and grander than anything they offer me. And when they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back; but that’s envy, my dear. There’s a little bit of envy in the best of us. > [@denquixote](#): > > Sam Spade: When a man’s partner is killed, he’s supposed to do something about it. It doesn’t make any difference what you thought of him. He was your partner and you’re supposed to do something about it. And it happens we’re in the detective business. Well, when one of your organization gets killed, it’s-it’s bad business to let the killer get away with it, bad all around, bad for every detective everywhere. This whole scene, the climax of the movie, is a dialog between Spade and Brigid, but my favorite line (maybe not quite a monologue) is a little later: > [@Sam Spade](#): > > BRIGID: You know whether you love me or not. > SPADE: Maybe I do. I’ll have some rotten nights after I’ve sent you over, but that’ll pass. If all I’ve said doesn’t mean anything to you, then forget it and we’ll make it just this. I won’t, because all of me wants to, regardless of consequences. And because you’ve counted on that with me, the same as you counted on that with all the others. Also maybe not quite on the level of most of the other monologues here, and maybe barely a monologue, but I’ve always liked Mr. Bernstein little recollection from _Citizen Kane_: > [@](#): > > A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn’t think he’d remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn’t see me at all, but I’ll bet a month hasn’t gone by since that I haven’t thought of that girl. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/71 "2007-09-29T19:49:05Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] While we’re at it, the late lamented Spalding Gray’s movie monologue _Swimming to Cambodia_ is a stunning piece of work: moving, entertaining, enlightening, funny. All delivered straight to camera. [/QUOTE] I second this one wholeheartedly. Great, great performance. ---
**Author:** ![Jurph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/50afbb/32.png) [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/72 "2007-09-29T20:28:51Z")
Popping in to second “[Coffee is for closers](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY),” written by Mamet, performed by Baldwin, in _Glengarry Glen Ross_. ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/73 "2007-09-29T21:09:53Z")
Two more good ones. Samuel Jackson as Jules in **Pulp Fiction** : “There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man…” and so on. (I’m guessing someone already thought to mention this, but I didn’t see it when I quickly skimmed the thread). HAL’s dying speech from **2001** : " I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it…" ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2007, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/74 "2007-09-29T22:29:51Z")
[QUOTE=Fir na tine] **Absence of Malice** with Wilford Brimley as James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: [/QUOTE] I opened this thread specifically to cite this scene. Here are a couple of other choice bits from the scene: > [@](#): > > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: Tell you what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna sit right here and talk about it. Now if you get tired of talking here, Mr. Marshal Elving Patrick there will hand you one of them subpoenas he’s got stuck down in his pocket and we’ll go downstairs and talk in front of the grand jury… Elliot? Jim?.. Fine. All right, Elving, hand whichever one of these fellas you like a subpoena and we’ll go on downstairs and talk in front of the grand jury. > District Attorney James A. Quinn: Gallagher’s a government witness. > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: Wonderful thing, a subpoena. > [@](#): > > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: You had a leak? You call what’s goin’ on around here a leak? Boy, the last time there was a leak like this, Noah built hisself a boat. > [@](#): > > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: We can’t have people go around leaking stuff for their own reasons. It ain’t legal. And worse than that, by God it ain’t right. > [@](#): > > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: What’d you figure you’d do after government service, Elliott? > Elliott Rosen: I’m not quitting. > James A. Wells, Assistant U.S. Attorney General: You ain’t no Presidential appointee, Elliott. One that hired you is me. You got thirty days. Props to screenwriter Kurt Luedtke and the uncredited polish by David Rayfiel I’m a big fan of scenes where somebody has made their decision and is telling everybody Just How It’s Going to Be. I know these are TV, not movies, but they fit my category In a particular episode of the old L.A. Law series (no, not the “Venus Butterfly” episode) Michael Tucker’s Stuart Markowitz character is left a large amount of money by a client. Everyone else in the law firm badgers to follow their suggestions about what to do with the money. Finally, he’s had enough and lays down the law as to what he’s going to do, end of story. And in WKRP in Cincinnati episode 76, “Jennifer and the Will”, Pat O’Brien, playing Colonel Buchanan, has an awesome monologue as the star of a video will in which he berates all of his money-grubbing relatives and anticipates their responses. He leaves the money in jennifer’s care to stage a parade for the veterans in his old unit. Great stuff. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/75 "2007-09-30T03:42:46Z")
A lot of good ones mentioned so far. Here’s one I particularly liked: Capt. “Lucky Jack” Aubrey to crew, before battle: > [@](#): > > Right lads, now, I know there’s not a faint heart among you, and I know you’re as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack… more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like. Until the signal calls, you’re to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you’ve gained elevation. and without recoil, there’ll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the lardboard battery… one shot only. You’ll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy… however… even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They’ll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize. > And we are worth more to them undamaged. Their greed… will be their downfall. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship, is England. So it’s every hand to his rope or gun, quick’s the word and sharp’s the action. After all… surprise is on our side. ---
**Author:** ![T\_SQUARE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@T\_SQUARE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/T_SQUARE)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/76 "2007-09-30T04:12:26Z")
[QUOTE=Push You Down] Alec Baldwin’s “Coffee is for closers!” monologue in Glengarry Glenross. [/QUOTE] That’s what I came in to say. Great stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/77 "2007-09-30T04:22:09Z")
Not the greatest in the world, but I found it amusing. From **Team America: World Police** , actor Gary explains foreign policy and why the world needs TA: > [@](#): > > Gary: We’re dicks! We’re reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks! And the Film Actors’ Guild!.. are pussies. And Kim Jong Il!.. is an asshole. Pussies don’t like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole… is a dick… with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn’t apporoporate, and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don’t know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies… all covered in shit. From this site: [Colin's Movie Monologue Page - more than 1,200 files from over the last 17 years](http://www.whysanity.net/monos/), which I just now notice is where a lot of you are getting your quotes from. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/78 "2007-09-30T04:32:15Z")
I can’t find it online but Walken (of course) as Sgt Toomey explaining the metal plate in his head in BILOXI BLUES. Another Walken- his tale about catching his ex-GF (“Bitch”) with a Voodoo Priest Sorcerer Warlock … disguised as a tennis instructor on the SNL skit “Stalk Talk”, which he also concludes by telling Julia Sweeney that he thinks about her when he masturbates. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/79 "2007-09-30T04:41:42Z")
[QUOTE=Unauthorized Cinnamon] Perhaps it’s a cliche at this point, and obviously not written \*for \*a movie, but is there any pre-battle exhortation since that is not merely a pale imitation of \*\*Henry V’s Saint Crispin’s Day [speech](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAvmLDkAgAM) \*\*? [/QUOTE] I prefer the mild, subdued conversation Harry has with the residents of Harfleur. 😃 > [@](#): > > This is the latest parley we will admit. > > Therefore, to our best mercy give yourselves, > or, like to men proud of destruction, defy us to our worst. > > For as I am a soldier, if I begin the battery once again, I will not leave the half-achieved Harfleur 'till in her ashes she lie buried. > > Therefore, you men of Harfleur, take pity of your town and of your people while yet my soldiers are in my command, whiles yet the cool and temperate wind of grace o’erblows the filthy and contagious clouds of heady murder, spoil and villainy! > > If not, why, in a moment look to see the blind and bloody soldier with foul hand defile the locks of your shrill, shrieking daughters, > > your fathers taken by their silvered beards, and their most reverend heads > dashed to the walls, > > your naked infants spitted upon pikes whilst the mad mothers > with their howls confused do break the clouds! > > What say you? Will you yield and this avoid? Or, guilty in defense, be thus destroyed? Holy crap… I’d surrender to the guy… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2007, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694/80 "2007-09-30T04:52:31Z")
It’s short, but it meant so much to his brethren: > [@](#): > > Over? Did you say “over”? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! > … > And it ain’t over now. ‘Cause when the goin’ gets tough… the tough get goin’! Who’s with me? Let’s go! > > … What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts, huh? “Ooh, we’re afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble.” Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I’m not gonna take this. Wormer, he’s a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer - ! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-favorite-movie-monologues/420694.md?page=5)