# greatest one liners from a movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 13, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003 "2004-02-13T06:03:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dalovindj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/65b543/32.png) [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/41 "2004-02-13T21:11:44Z")
Fun thread. Some of _my_ favorite one-liners off the top of my head: “Good? Bad? I’m the one with the gun.” - **One of the Ash movies** “When someone asks if you are a God - YOU SAY YES!” ~ **Ghostbusters** “As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I’ll be sound as a pound!” ~ **Austin Powers** “Lunch is for pussies.” ~ **Wall Street** “You wanna make fourteen dollars the hard way?” ~ **Caddyshack** “Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.” ~ **Cool Hand Luke** “I had to come to prison to be a crook.” ~ **Shawshank Redemption** “I do wish we could chat longer, but I’m having an old friend for dinner.” ~ **Silence of the Lambs** “From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.” ~ **Wrath of Khan** “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” ~ **Star Wars** “When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.” ~ **Star Wars** “Gentlemen. You can’t fight in here. This is the War Room!” ~ **Dr. Strangelove** These next ones aren’t one-liners, but they are some great small bits of dialogue: “We were doing fine until Dickless here shut off the power!” “Mr. Mayor, these men are con artists!” “Is this true?” “Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.” ~ **Ghostbusters** “I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth.” “I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take five and ten in Woolworth.” ~ **The Trial** DaLovin’ Dj ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/42 "2004-02-13T21:15:48Z")
From _Ghostbusters_: Mayor: “What happened here?” Dr. Spengler, pointing at EPA man: “Dickless here shut off our power.” Mayor, to rest of crowd: “Is this true?” Dr. Venkman: “Yes, it’s true: this man has no dick.” From _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_: Andie: “Now blow…nobody likes a Mister Sniffles.” Tony (in a perfect monotone): “Yeah, hate that Mister Sniffles.” ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/43 "2004-02-13T21:18:10Z")
Jay: “Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women don’t just fall out of the sky you know!” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/44 "2004-02-13T21:23:27Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > “Listen up you primitive zipper-heads…” > > Ash, Evil Dead III I thought he called them screwheads. I could be mistaken though. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/45 "2004-02-13T21:29:02Z")
I forgot to add my favorite line, from _Fight Club_: > [@](#): > > My God! I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school. ---
**Author:** ![zig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/bbe5ce/32.png) [@zig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zig)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/46 "2004-02-13T21:30:57Z")
_Hunt for Red October_ Conversation between Russian ambassador and U.S. official with Texas accent: “Ivan, are you trying to tell me you lost ANOTHER submarine!?” ---
**Author:** ![Southerner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@Southerner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southerner)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/47 "2004-02-13T21:46:22Z")
Smokey and the Bandit. Jerry Reed : ( after being thrown out of the biker bar ) “how do you like your hamburger”. Burt Reynolds : " I like my burger so rare a good veterinarian could have it on its’ feet in 15 minutes." ---
**Author:** ![Psi\_Cop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@Psi\_Cop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Psi_Cop)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/48 "2004-02-13T21:52:44Z")
“You see, in this world there’s two types of people, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.” -Man with No Name, “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.” -Psi Cop ---
**Author:** ![Mal\_Adroit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Mal\_Adroit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mal_Adroit)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/49 "2004-02-13T21:59:38Z")
“MIIIIIIKE!” Heather, _The Blair Witch Project_ “Aw maan… what’s this _shit_ doin all over _my shit,_ maan?” Josh, _The Blair Witch Project_ “You’re mother’s down here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message?” Devil-infested Linda Blair in _The Exorcist_ “Wendy… darling… love of my life. I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m _not gonna hurt you._ I’m just gonna bash your g\*\*damn brains in…” Jack Nicholoson, _The Shining_ “So many social engagements, so little time.” --John Goodman, _Raising Arizona_ “We’re in a tight spot!” George Clooney, _O Brother Where Art Thou_ ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/50 "2004-02-13T22:23:21Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > From _Ghostbusters_: > > Mayor: “What happened here?” > Dr. Spengler, pointing at EPA man: “Dickless here shut off our power.” > Mayor, to rest of crowd: “Is this true?” > Dr. Venkman: “Yes, it’s true: this man has no dick.” One of my favorite lines from that movie and the one they always cut when it’s on TV. Instead it becomes Mayor: “What happened here?” Dr. Spengler, pointing at EPA man: “Wally Wick here shut off our power.” Mayor, to rest of crowd: “Is this true?” Dr. Venkman: “Yes, it’s true: this man is some kind of Rodent.” Dosen’t quite have the same ring. Hell, it doesn’t even make sense. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/51 "2004-02-13T22:33:43Z")
> [@dalovindj](#): > > “I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth.” > “I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll take five and ten in Woolworth.” > ~ **The Trial** > > DaLovin’ Dj I could have sworn that was from **Duck Soup**. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/52 "2004-02-13T22:39:30Z")
Coen brother’s films are just chock-full of them. Nearly everyother line in the Big Lebowski. (And I’m not actually going to give example because you all know them and if you don’t then someone will be along shortly to mention a few.) ---
**Author:** ![wobg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90ced4/32.png) [@wobg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wobg)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/53 "2004-02-13T23:46:07Z")
Walter Matheau to Jack Lemon in the Odd Couple: “I thought you’d just heat the meat and the gravy would come.” or Apocolypse Now–“I love the smell of Napalm in the morning”. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/54 "2004-02-14T00:02:27Z")
“I don’t wanna kill you, and you don’t wanna be dead.” Danny Glover, _Silverado_ ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/55 "2004-02-14T00:32:45Z")
“We’re gonna do this if it harelips everybody in Bear Creek!” – Maj. Kong, _Dr. Strangelove_ “Try not to suck any dicks on the way through the parking lot!” – Dante, _Clerks_ “Your mother kicked me in the balls, Johnny. My sister kicked me in the balls once. Once.” – Danny Vermin, _Johnny Dangerously_ "Archie is _not fucking Mr. Weatherbee!_ – Banky, _Chasing Amy_ “What’s a Nubian?” – ibid. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/56 "2004-02-14T00:45:41Z")
Tombstone is my favorite movie for quotes… a few of the best: Doc Holliday: I have not yet begun to defile myself. Doc Holliday: Why Kate, You’re not wearing a bustle. How lewd. Doc Holliday: It seems poker’s just not your game, Ike. I know: let’s have a spelling contest! [cracks up laughing] Wyatt Earp: Are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed? Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why do you do it? Doc Holliday: Wyatt is my friend. Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends. Doc Holliday: I don’t. then the best one Doc Holliday: I’m your huckleberry. ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/57 "2004-02-14T01:55:40Z")
All this way and no **Princess Bride** quotes? For shame… For shame… **Vizzini:** I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains. **Westley:** You’re that smart? **Vizzini:** Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? **Westley:** Yes. **Vizzini:** Morons. And one from **Return of the Pink Panther** : [After an incident involving a blind beggar.] **Dreyfus:** The beggar was the lookout man for the gang. **Clouseau:** That is impossible. How can a blind man be a lookout? \*\ ***Dreyfus:** [Insinuating Clouseau] How can an idiot be a police officer? **Clouseau:** Well, all he has to do is enlist… ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/58 "2004-02-14T01:58:44Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > I could have sworn that was from **Duck Soup**. You didn’t know that Kafka wrote comedy? Secretary: The Dean is outside and he’s waxing wroth? Groucho: Oh, is Roth there too? Tell Roth to wax the Dean for a while. Horsefeathers Dowager: (not Margaret Dumont, for once.) That’s vile innuendo. Groucho: Yes, loves flies out the door when money comes innuendo. Money Business - both by SJ Perelman. Another Val Kilmer line from Real Genius (from memory) - to girl at party Drinking that will give you enormous breasts. Oh, it’s too late! ---
**Author:** ![UES\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@UES\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UES_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/59 "2004-02-14T02:06:56Z")
“You tell the angels in Heaven you’ve never seen evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you.” - Christopher Walken, the personification of menacing coolness, in _True Romance_. “Our surgeon did what they could, but it took them 2 hours just to get the smile off his face.” - _Top Secret_ “I want you to hold it between your knees.” - Jack Nicholson in _Five Easy Pieces_ “Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?” - _Airplane!_ ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/60 "2004-02-14T03:16:04Z")
“You’re talkin’ to my boy all wrong. Do that again, and I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.” – Christopher Walken, _Joe Dirt_ “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.” – Jame Gumb, _The Silence Of The Lambs_ “PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!” – ibid [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003.md?page=4)