# greatest one liners from a movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 13, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003 "2004-02-13T06:03:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Zweistein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/54ee81/32.png) [@Zweistein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zweistein)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/81 "2004-02-14T22:45:29Z")
Fetchez la vache ! … Mooooooooh ! The Holy Grail, Monty Python ---
**Author:** ![legion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/838e76/32.png) [@legion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/legion)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/82 "2004-02-14T23:33:21Z")
This one freaks me out every time. Silence of the Lambs, when Buffalo Bill says: “It puts the lotion in the basket…” “PUT THE FUCKIN’ LOTION IN THE BASKET!” ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/83 "2004-02-14T23:46:28Z")
More Jack Burton… Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president. When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.” More Princess Bride… You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people? -Westley As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. And really, that’s all this is, except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life. I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you, so let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so… be honest. How do you feel? -Count Rugen Lastly, my personal favorite… We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off. -Tyler Durden ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/84 "2004-02-14T23:56:58Z")
From _Moonstruck_: Olympia Dukakis: “Old man…you feed another piece of my food to that dog, I’ll kick you 'til you’re dead.” Ibid: Nick Cage: “I’m in love with you.” Cher: ::slap:: ::slap!:: “Snap out of it!” This is technically from a book, but the book was made into a movie: “A Child’s Christmas in Wales” Grandfather (played by Denholm Elliot): “…I can never remember whether it snowed for six days and six nights when I was twelve or whether it snowed for twelve days and twelve nights when I was six.” ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/85 "2004-02-15T01:50:24Z")
Too many from Lebowski/Fight Club to mention, so I’ll go with my favorite outside of those two from “Once Upon a Time in the West”: _Three of Jack’s men are at an empty station when Harmonica (Charles Bronson) steps off of a train:_ Harmonica: Did you bring a horse for me? Man 1 (laughing): No, it looks like we’re one short. Harmonica (shaking head): You brought two too many… ---
**Author:** ![CurlyD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee7513/32.png) [@CurlyD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CurlyD)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/86 "2004-02-15T03:51:47Z")
There are so many from **Pulp Fiction** , some already mentioned. But my favorite is: “You hear me talkin’ hillbilly boy?! I ain’t through with you by damn sight. _I’m gonna get medieval on your ass._” ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/87 "2004-02-15T06:02:44Z")
Are we talking memorable one-sentence movie dialogue or short speeches? I’ll just offer some lines I quote in everyday conversation. In any event. . . From _Sweet Smell of Success_ “President? My big toe would make a better President!” “I wouldn’t want to take a bite outta you. You’re a cookie filled with arsenic.” “Match me, Sidney.” From _The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance_ “This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” From _Dangerous Liaisons_ “You’ll find the shame is like the pain, you only feel it once.” “Like most intellectuals, he’s intensely stupid.” From _The Women_ “There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society, outside of a kennel.” From _All About Eve_ “I’m nobody’s fool, least of all yours.” “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!” “I’ll admit I may have seen better days… but I’m still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut” From _Steel Magnolias_ “I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for the last 40 years!” "There’s so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money. " “I’m not as sweet as I used to be.” “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize” “A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.” “There is no such thing as natural beauty.” From _Jackie Brown_ “My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass.” From _Tank Girl_ “Look, it’s been swell, but the swelling’s gone down.” "You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You gotta go: “Daddy, are you sure this is right?” “Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.” And pretty much every line of dialogue from BtVS ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/88 "2004-02-15T08:03:57Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > From _Sweet Smell of Success_ > “President? My big toe would make a better President!” > > “I wouldn’t want to take a bite outta you. You’re a cookie filled with arsenic.” That movie was just one great line after another. Was it that, or _Ace in the Hole_ that had the line: “I’ve met some hard-boiled eggs before, but you’re twenty minutes!” I saw them both as a double-feature years ago, and can’t remember which is which. ---
**Author:** ![hlanelee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@hlanelee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hlanelee)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/89 "2004-02-15T14:06:14Z")
Rodney Dangerfield to Sally Kellarman in _Back to School_: “Call me sometime, when you have no class!” ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/90 "2004-02-15T14:36:48Z")
From “A Man for All Seasons” spoken by Thomas More > [@](#): > > This country is planted thick with laws from coast to coast. Man’s laws, not God’s. And if you cut them down–and you’re just the man to do it–do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? From “The Lion in Winter” > [@](#): > > Prince John: Poor John. Who says poor John? Don’t everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there’s not a living soul who’d pee on me to put the fire out! > Prince Richard: Let’s strike a flint and see. and > [@](#): > > Henry II, King of England: I’ve snapped and plotted all my life. There’s no other way to be alive, king, and fifty all at once. and possibly the very best > [@](#): > > Prince Geoffrey: I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. > [smiles] We’re a knowledgeable family. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/91 "2004-02-15T14:41:33Z")
> [@Cyrokk](#): > > “What are you doing?” > “Thinking.” > “Well, while you are ‘thinking’, why don’t you think me up some of them donuts with the little sprinkles on top.” -_The Fugitive_ You beat me to it! I just watched that movie the other day, and was going to say this one too. “I don’t give a fuck, Riggs. That’s why I don’t have an ulcer, because I know when to say I don’t give a fuck.” -The Captain from the _Lethal Weapon_ movies ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/92 "2004-02-15T16:33:23Z")
Clint Eastwood as Josey Wales in **The Outlaw Josey Wales** : > [@](#): > > Josey Wales: You a bounty hunter? > > Bounty Hunter: A man has to do something these days to earn a living. > > Josey Wales: Dyin’ ain’t much of a living boy… > [@](#): > > Josey Wales: When I get to likin’ someone, they ain’t around long. > Lone Watie: I notice when you get to DISlikin’ someone they ain’t around for long neither. ---
**Author:** ![eburacum45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eburacum45/32/8690_2.png) [@eburacum45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eburacum45)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/93 "2004-02-15T16:39:23Z")
Since you mentioned a Man for all Seasons, how about this; “Why, Richard, it profits a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world. But for Wales!” ---
**Author:** ![TJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@TJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJay)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/94 "2004-02-15T23:11:17Z")
“Shut up and sit down, you big bald fuck!” - Dennis Farina as Avi in Snatch. This line has me crying with laughter every time I hear it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/95 "2004-02-15T23:37:38Z")
Am I the first to mention this one? _Moulin Rouge_: The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. The end-all and be-all of one-liners, IM(not-so)HO. ---
**Author:** ![Binky\_the\_Operator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@Binky\_the\_Operator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binky_the_Operator)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2004, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/96 "2004-02-15T23:54:14Z")
\*\*Sheriff Pangborn:\*\*Did you see that!? The Devil just blew up your church! \*\*Priest:\*\*_That’s not the Devil! It’s those GOD DAMN BAPTISTS!_ ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/97 "2004-02-16T01:11:36Z")
Nobody’s mentioned [_Torch Song Triology_](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0096289/quotes)? I guess it is a little obscure. Every second line is quotable. Best one-liner I can remember: (_said to a man who’s catcalling from the audience_): **Bertha Vanation:** “How rude! You have a high voice for a lesbian!” And not a one-liner, but still funny: (_between a pair of drag queens in the opening show_): **Bertha Vanation:** “Wait’ll you see _my_ act: Bertha Vanation, and the Dance of the Virgins.” **Marsha Dimes:** “Which she does completely from memory!” ---
**Author:** ![Flipstrip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f6c823/32.png) [@Flipstrip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipstrip)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/98 "2004-02-16T03:14:53Z")
This one from “The Princess Bride”: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.” From all the “Star Wars” movies: “I have a very bad feeling about this.” Two from “This is Spinal Tap”: “There’s a very fine line between clever and stupid.” “This goes to 11.” And if you’ve seen “Clerks,” you know this one: “37!” ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/99 "2004-02-16T04:13:38Z")
_Rustler’s Rhapsody:_ Sidekick: Roy, you shot him in the head! What do you have to say about that? Roy: I missed his hand. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/100 "2004-02-16T04:32:31Z")
Oh, yeah… _Pirates of the Caribbean:_ **British Commander:** You, sir, are undoubtedly the worst pirate I have ever heard of. **Jack Sparrow:** Ah, but you _have_ heard of me. And several others - pretty good movie for one-liners. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003.md?page=6)