# greatest one liners from a movie

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003>\
**Category:** Cafe Society\
**Created:** [February 13, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003 "2004-02-13T06:03:54Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 6

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**Author:** ![Baggins111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@Baggins111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baggins111)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/101 "2004-02-16T04:36:22Z")

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Hopefully I didn’t miss this one in the previous posts. It is a classic.

_The Graduate_: “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me . . . aren’t you?”

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**Author:** ![Stimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/779978/32.png) [@Stimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stimpy)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/102 "2004-02-16T04:59:48Z")

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from The Return of the Living Dead… the new boy has just seen a cadaver come alive and (i think) been instructed to and put an axe in the back of it’s head. He’s a little shocked, and when he starts to complain is told by the old guy to watch his mouth “if you like this job…”

New boy - “Like this job?!?”

**Ghostbusters**  
“Where do those stairs go?”  
“They go up.”

**Spies Like Us**  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
and so on… like this  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
“Doctor”  
😉

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**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/103 "2004-02-16T13:37:23Z")

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“From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.” ~ Wrath of Khan

\<Whispers in poster’s ear: This is originally from “Moby Dick.”\>

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**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/104 "2004-02-16T15:37:28Z")

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“I’ll have what she’s having.”

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**Author:** ![Somnambulist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Somnambulist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Somnambulist)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/105 "2004-02-16T15:46:53Z")

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Bit surprised we haven’t had anything from Arthur. My personal favourite:

(at their engagement dinner)  
Susan: Arthur, a real woman could stop you from drinking.  
Arthur: It’d have to be a real big one.

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**Author:** ![eburacum45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eburacum45/32/8690_2.png) [@eburacum45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eburacum45)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/106 "2004-02-16T15:58:05Z")

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_Raising Arizona;_  
So many social engagements, so little time.

_Felllowship of the Ring_  
Nobody tosses a dwarf!

_North by Northwest_  
I’m an advertising man, not a red herring. I’ve got a job, a secretary, a mother, two ex-wives and several bartenders dependent upon me, and I don’t intend to disappoint them all by getting myself slightly killed!

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**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/107 "2004-02-16T16:08:30Z")

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More fun- all real one-liners too (what do I win?):

More Ghostbusters:

Winston Zeddemore: Ray. When someone asks you if you’re a god, **you say yes**!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hee hee. “Get her.” That was your whole plan. I like it; it was scientific.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, someone with your qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Maybe now you’ll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?

🙂

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**Author:** ![Iacob\_Matthew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Iacob\_Matthew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iacob_Matthew)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/108 "2004-02-16T20:31:45Z")

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Nothing from _Dr. Zhivago_ so far?  
Victor- And don’t think of this as rape. That would complement us both.

Victor-I don’t agree with the Bolsheviks, but I have to admire them.  
Antipov- Why?  
Victor- Because they just might win.

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**Author:** ![heater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/858c86/32.png) [@heater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heater)\
**Post date:** [February 16, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/109 "2004-02-16T20:51:51Z")

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''scuuuse me while I whip this out"

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**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\
**Post date:** [February 17, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/110 "2004-02-17T02:23:45Z")

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“Looks like you won’t be attending that hat convention in July!”  
Hudson Hawk, from Hudson Hawk…

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**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\
**Post date:** [February 17, 2004, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/111 "2004-02-17T08:27:06Z")

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I AM GODZILLA. YOU ARE JAPAN!!! – Things To Do in Denver When You’re Dead

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**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\
**Post date:** [February 17, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/112 "2004-02-17T17:22:40Z")

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Guess the movie:

PIRATE!

* * *

## We thought you was a toad.

A - I’d sooner kiss a Wookie.

B - That can be arranged!

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**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\
**Post date:** [February 17, 2004, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/113 "2004-02-17T19:36:01Z")

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We all go a little mad sometimes.  
–Norman Bates, _Psycho_

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**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\
**Post date:** [February 17, 2004, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/114 "2004-02-17T19:37:12Z")

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“Clearly…you’ve never been to Singapore.”

Man, Johnny Depp just **stole** that movie.

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**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/115 "2004-02-18T00:33:27Z")

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Groucho Marx in Night at the Opera (I think). Looking at restaurant check: “Why this is an outrage! If I were you, I wouldn’t pay it.” Hands it to the woman.

“Oh, yeah? And who are you, Alfred Einstein?” Kingpin

“Yeah, I met her. She tried to sit in my lap while I was still standing up.” And Sternwood: “How do you take your brandy, sir?” Bogie: “In a glass.” Both from Maltese Falcon

“Their first album took 20 minutes to record. Their second, even longer.” The Rutles

“I’m not usually this close to the drink unless I’m on the floor.” Lost in Translation

“Yeah, there was nothing wrong with the name Michael Bolton until I was about fourteen and that no-talent ass clown started winning Grammys.” Office Space

“Maybe it’s true what they say about reincarnation. You just keep living the same life over and over. Great, that means I have to sit through the Ice Capades again!” Hannah & Her Sisters

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**Author:** ![Quack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e99b99/32.png) [@Quack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quack)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/116 "2004-02-18T00:59:48Z")

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Sgt. Hartman: How tall are you, private?

Private: Sir, 5 foot 10, sir!

Sgt. Hartman: 5 foot 10? I didn’t know they stacked shit that high.

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**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/117 "2004-02-18T05:27:44Z")

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Pretty much everything from Airplane.

“We have to get this woman to a hospital.”  
“What is it, Doctor?”  
“A big building full of doctors. But that’s not important right now!”

(or however it goes)

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**Author:** ![Heller\_Highwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@Heller\_Highwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heller_Highwater)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/118 "2004-02-18T08:06:42Z")

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> [@YellowTail](#):
>
> Groucho Marx in Night at the Opera (I think). Looking at restaurant check: “Why this is an outrage! If I were you, I wouldn’t pay it.” Hands it to the woman.

Yes, that was from _Night at the Opera_. Also, from the same scene:

Groucho (to Margaret Dumont): “When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay.”

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**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/119 "2004-02-18T08:55:51Z")

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In _Duck Soup_: Harpo grabs an urgent telegram from a government official, scans it quickly, wads it up and throws it away in disgust.

Chico: He gets mad 'cause he can’t read.

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**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\
**Post date:** [February 18, 2004, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-one-liners-from-a-movie/229003/120 "2004-02-18T13:30:38Z")

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“Sinbad” (the Dreamworks cartoon from last summer):  
“Get a shirt, Kale - before you put someone’s eye out.” \<- to First Mate who is always shirtless (it’s a cartoon!) and everything around them has suddenly frozen.

“Ghostbusters:”  
“LISTEN! …do you smell something?”  
“You’re right. No human being would stack books like this.”

“Noises Off:”  
“Did somebody call me? I thought I heard my voice…”

“Pass the Ammo:”  
“They’re gonna butt-fuck the preacher on TV.”

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