# Greatest Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 17, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195 "2012-02-17T22:58:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2012, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/221 "2012-02-28T07:29:08Z")
> [@Bytegeist](#): > > Hmmmm. I hadn’t noticed before, but I guess Lionel Hutz has been both a lawyer _and_ a real estate agent? That’s quite a career transition. He addresses it during the episode: “You see, the law business is a little slow, and since most of my clients wind uplosing their houses, this was a natural move for me.” That episode also introduced Gil, who wound up taking some of the legal and other jobs that where Lionel Hutz would have been used had Phil Hartman not died. > [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > For mine, the best quotes are the ones that imply a huge backstory, like the one above about Marge disliking fake kidnappings…Still?! Those are some of my favorites, too. ---
**Author:** ![Slade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Slade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slade)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/222 "2012-03-01T21:38:05Z")
I’ve just been watching a re-run of the episode with Springfield’s Prop 24 and its threat to deport all the town’s illegal immigrants. Homer comes round to the rest of the family’s view and decides tyo oppose the measure in order to save Apu. Lisa congratulates Apu and tells him he’s now got the entire Simpson family on his side, but he’s unimpressed, pointing out that three of them are below voting age. To which Homer proudly adds: “And _I’m_ not registered”. It’s the fact that sounds so pleased with himself… ---
**Author:** ![Slade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Slade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slade)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/223 "2012-03-01T21:47:22Z")
I also love Quimby’s response in that episode when angry townsfolk mob his office with their latest idiotic demand: “Are these morons getting dumber or just louder?” ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/224 "2012-03-01T21:50:47Z")
Homer: I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise. Gas Station Attendant: It’s your heart. And I think it’s on it’s last thump. Homer: Phew, I thought it was my transmission. _[drives away]_ Billy: Where’s he going? Gas Station Attendant: Billy, you remember that old Plymouth we just couldn’t fix? Billy: We’re going to sell him to Mr. Nikopopolous? Gas Station Attendant: You’re a dull boy, Billy. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/225 "2012-03-01T21:57:40Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > For mine, the best quotes are the ones that imply a huge backstory A closet on the monorail is opened, revealing an opossum mother hanging by her tail and several babies on her. Homer: I call the big one _Bitey_. ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/226 "2012-03-02T00:21:44Z")
Moe tells Homer about his career as a prize fighter. His record was something like 0-15 and all his pictures show him lying unconscious on the canvas. He insists he coulda been a champ but, “You know, it was all political.” Homer: “Lousy Democrats!” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/227 "2012-03-02T00:37:27Z")
Barlow: Mayor Quimby, you’re well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on crime. But suppose for a second that **your** house was ransacked by thugs, **your** family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths, you try to open the door but there’s too much **blood** on the knob – Quimby: What is your question? Barlow: My question is about the budget, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/228 "2012-03-02T09:02:52Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > Barlow: Mayor Quimby, you’re well-known, sir, for your lenient stance on > crime. But suppose for a second that **your** house was ransacked > by thugs, **your** family tied up in the basement with socks in > their mouths, you try to open the door but there’s too much > **blood** on the knob – > > Quimby: What is your question? > > Barlow: My question is about the budget, sir. I love that one - sums up political discourse pretty perfectly. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/229 "2012-03-02T10:30:49Z")
Moe: Come on homer. You know your money’s no good here…Wait a minute, this is real!! ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/230 "2012-03-02T16:37:28Z")
Another quote I like to use in real life: There’s no trick to it, it’s just a simple trick! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/231 "2012-03-09T21:15:21Z")
Troy McClure’s observation on the alternate ending to Who Shot Mr. Burns: But for that ending to work, you’d have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. And that would be downright nutty. Couldn’t have said it better myself. ---
**Author:** ![Tess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@Tess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tess)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/232 "2012-03-09T22:46:52Z")
“Two! Four! Six! Eight! Homer’s crime was very great! [pause] ‘Great’ meaning ‘large or immense,’ we use it in the pejorative sense.” ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/233 "2012-03-09T23:20:49Z")
> [@Esox\_Lucius](#): > > Moe tells Homer about his career as a prize fighter. His record was something like 0-15 and all his pictures show him lying unconscious on the canvas. He insists he coulda been a champ but, “You know, it was all political.” > > Homer: “Lousy Democrats!” Moe: “They called me Kid Gorgeous. Then it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe” ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/234 "2012-03-10T02:11:08Z")
Homer: If you want something to remember him by, I say get a tattoo. It’ll be a constant reminder of the one you love. [Homer pulls up sleeve to reveal tattoo saying “Starland Vocal Band”] Homer: [incredulous] Starland Vocal Band? THEY SUCK! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/235 "2012-03-10T04:42:33Z")
> [@bup](#): > > A closet on the monorail is opened, revealing an opossum mother hanging by her tail and several babies on her. > > Homer: I call the big one _Bitey_. Better yet, the closet was labeled “Emergency Equipment,” wasn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Cugel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cugel/32/1199_2.png) [@Cugel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cugel)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/236 "2012-03-10T06:55:02Z")
Lisa: “I can’t eat this. I can’t eat a poor little lamb.” Homer: “Lisa, get a hold of yourself. This is lamb, not _a_ lamb.” ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/237 "2012-03-10T10:18:27Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Better yet, the closet was labeled “Emergency Equipment,” wasn’t it? That is an old joke for _The Simpsons_. From the very beginning Homer’s job at the nuclear power plant was “safety inspector”. ---
**Author:** ![ecseas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ecseas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ecseas)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/238 "2012-03-10T11:23:12Z")
Homer: mmmmm pistol whip. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/239 "2012-03-10T14:10:00Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > That is an old joke for _The Simpsons_. From the very beginning Homer’s job at the nuclear power plant was “safety inspector”. he didn’t start as that. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/240 "2012-03-11T02:06:26Z")
“Simpson, eh?” - Mr. Burns Running gag. He rarely remembers Homer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=13)