# Greatest Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 17, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195 "2012-02-17T22:58:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/21 "2012-02-18T01:18:33Z")
“Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.” ---
**Author:** ![Tess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@Tess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tess)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/22 "2012-02-18T01:18:39Z")
“Giving everyone an equal part when they’re clearly not equal is called what again, class?” “Communism!” Lisa asks if they have any food that wasn’t cruelly slaughtered. Homer answers, “I think the veal died of loneliness.” ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/23 "2012-02-18T01:27:43Z")
Marge Simpson: Well, Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy. Homer Simpson: [sarcastic voice] Ooh, look at me! I’m making people happy! I’m the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! [walks out, slams the door, then sticks his head back in] Homer Simpson: Oh, by the way: I was being sarcastic. Marge Simpson: Well, du’uh. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/24 "2012-02-18T01:37:23Z")
One I use a LOT. ‘Can’t it be both, like the late Earl Warren?’ ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/25 "2012-02-18T01:39:03Z")
499 episodes, too many good lines, that unpossible to answer. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/26 "2012-02-18T01:40:46Z")
Oh, another favourite, though I use it a lot less… ‘I am so smart! S M R T…I mean S M A R T…’ ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/27 "2012-02-18T01:43:44Z")
ok, not real funny but appropriate, one i use to get around people. Pardon me. Look out. Pardon me. Excuse me. Hot soup. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/28 "2012-02-18T01:44:57Z")
Tour Guide: “It was a bloodless coup! They were all smothered with pillows” _\_ Dr. Hibbert: “There’s only one cure. [Fire! And lots of it!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDfqwHck2Qg)” Marge: “Oh, that’s your cure for everything.” ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/29 "2012-02-18T01:45:24Z")
Homer: I’ve always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is – and it’s me. Marge: You’re not a god, Homer. Lisa: Remember Dad, “All glory is fleeting.” Homer: So? Lisa: “Beware the Ides of March.” Homer: No! Lisa: Dad, I know you think you’re happy now, but it’s not going to last forever. Homer: Everything lasts forever. Lisa: Don’t you see? Getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless. Homer: Remove the girl… Lisa: Dad, you’re not with your Stonecutters now. There are no lackeys around to carry out your every – [Bart covers her mouth, drags her away, then salutes] ---
**Author:** ![Methyl\_Ethyl\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Methyl\_Ethyl\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Methyl_Ethyl_Death)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/30 "2012-02-18T01:51:24Z")
Bart: “Wow! you shot Zombie Flanders.” Homer: “He was a zombie?” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/31 "2012-02-18T02:23:57Z")
“Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.” ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/32 "2012-02-18T02:38:08Z")
I use this one a lot when my boyfriend offers me some of his Mountain Dew … “Eww! I’ll have the crab juice.” ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/33 "2012-02-18T02:38:46Z")
ok my absolute favorite line is: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/34 "2012-02-18T02:48:41Z")
Dr. Hibbert: “What kind of youthful indiscretions? Financial, sexual, or treasonous?” Krusty: “Russian hooker. Your call.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tooth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@The\_Tooth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tooth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/35 "2012-02-18T03:06:21Z")
Mlhouse: What’s it like, Bart? Bart: [Ableebalflableegafleegleabelblee!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61kHpmenkT8&t=1m12s) Milhouse: Gimme that! Comic Book Guy: No banging your head on the display case, please. It contains a very rare ‘Mary Worth’ in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide. Thank you. Baron von Wortzenberger: Ja, ja, ja, mach schnell mit der art things, huh? I must get back to Dancecentrum in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk. Yoko Ono: I’d like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat. Moe: Here ya go. Reverend Lovejoy: I know one of you is responsible for this, so repeat after me: If I withhold the truth may I go straight to hell, where I will eat _naught_ but burning hot coal and drink _naught_ but burning hot cola… ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/36 "2012-02-18T03:07:08Z")
“Embiggens is a perfectly cromulent word” Max Power, he’s the man with the name you want to touch But you mustn’t touch! His name sounds good in your ear But when you hear it, you mustn’t fear Because his name can be said, by anyooooone “There are three ways of doing things: The right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!” “Isn’t that the wrong way?” “Yeah, but faster!” ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/37 "2012-02-18T03:11:20Z")
“If I wanted smoke blown up my ass I’d be home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.” Probably better when you can see it: “Thai good?” “Tie good. Like shirt?” ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/38 "2012-02-18T03:12:34Z")
Every single time I tell my husband I’m going to the grocery store we have the following conversation: Homer: “Steak?” Marge: “Money’s too tight for steak.” Homer: “Steak?” Marge: “…sure Homer, we’ll have steak.” ---
**Author:** ![Ponch8](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponch8/32/9883_2.png) [@Ponch8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponch8)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/39 "2012-02-18T03:17:35Z")
“Your baby is brilliant. Why, she could already teach at Florida State.” This was the best because I went to the U. of Florida, which is FSU’s biggest rival. “Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I’ve seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.” > [@Spoons](#): > > “Me fail English? That’s unpossible!” I recently found out that “unpossible” is an actual word used by Shakespeare in _Richard II._ ---
**Author:** ![Arkcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Arkcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arkcon)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/40 "2012-02-18T03:37:37Z")
Homer: I don’t see how I have a choice. Marge: Don’t have a choice?! Of course you have a choice! You don’t have to go off and join a freak show just because the opportunity presents itself. _Homer blinks … stares … blinks twice_ Homer: You know Marge, in many ways, we are two _very_ different people. The long pregnant pause is just classic … good animation of a poignant moment. As the series goes on, these silent, thinking pauses become less frequent, this one is pretty late in the run. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=3)