# Greatest Simpsons Quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 17, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195 "2012-02-17T22:58:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Jilaad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jilaad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jilaad)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/101 "2012-02-19T06:57:21Z")
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/102 "2012-02-19T07:02:49Z")
> [@Enlightening\_Meditation](#): > > “Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help films as _Smoke Yourself Thin_ and _Get Confident, Stupid!_” -Troy McClure > > “Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such nature films as _Earwigs: Eww!_ and _Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory_” -Troy McClure “Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such Driver’s Ed films as _Alice’s Adventures through the Windshield Glass_ and _The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot_.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/103 "2012-02-19T07:14:56Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > ok my absolute favorite line is: > > In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics! Damn straight. They should make a Simpsons miniseries and reuse all the best lines. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/104 "2012-02-19T07:20:47Z")
Awesome, page 3 and my favorite hasn’t been taken: Sideshow Bob: I’ve been imprisoned for a crime I didn’t even commit! I mean, really, what’s “attempted” murder? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Another of my favorites, in the octuplets episode: Apu: Oh sure, we should get a nanny. And what would we pay her with, BANANA BREAD? Sorry, so sorry…as a token of apology, please take this baby. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/105 "2012-02-19T13:20:33Z")
“So, do you…like…stuff?” “That’s where I saw the leprechaun! He tells me to burn things!” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/106 "2012-02-19T16:03:39Z")
One of my favorites courtesy of Grandpa: My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star! and of course Bunjer, ya cheese eatin’ surrender-monkeys! ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/107 "2012-02-19T16:29:12Z")
“Sleep - that’s where I’m a Viking!” ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/108 "2012-02-19T16:44:32Z")
Jacques: “…meet me tomorrow for brunch.” Marge: “What’s brunch?” Jacques: “Its not quite breakfast, its not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end…” From _Life On The Fast Lane_ * * * Homer: “Bring me my ranch dressing hose!” * * * Homer: “Hello, my name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.” Postal Worker: “Okay. What’s your first name Mr Burns?” Homer: “I don’t know” \<\\> From _Blood Feud_ ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/109 "2012-02-19T17:48:24Z")
Homer’s brain: ‘Don’t say you were at a bar. Quick, what other place is open at one am?’ Homer: “Moe’s is a pornography store. I was buying pornography.” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/110 "2012-02-20T07:28:01Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > And you both forgot when Grandpa says “it’ll happen to you”. Ninja’d in Post #63. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Nom\_de\_Plume](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85f322/32.png) [@Nom\_de\_Plume](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nom_de_Plume)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/111 "2012-02-20T09:36:14Z")
Mmmmmmm… Free goo! ---
**Author:** ![Bamboo\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Bamboo\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bamboo_Boy)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/112 "2012-02-20T10:28:42Z")
Either Patty or Selma, I’m not sure which and even less sure that it matters, and don’t forget to conjure up a gravel-ly raspy voice: “Kids- the older they get, the cuter they AIN’T.” ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/113 "2012-02-20T10:42:14Z")
From “Blood Feud”: Homer: … (o)nce upon a time, there was a big mean lion who got a thorn in his paw. All the village people tried to pull it out, but nobody was strong enough! So, they got Hercules. And Hercules used his mighty strength, and Bingo! Anyway, the moral is, the lion was so happy, he gave Hercules this big… thing… of riches. Bart: How did a lion get rich? Homer: It was the olden days! ---
**Author:** ![BeaMyra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@BeaMyra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeaMyra)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/114 "2012-02-20T12:10:07Z")
> [@Small\_Hen](#): > > Homer’s brain: ‘Don’t say you were at a bar. Quick, what other place is open at one am?’ > Homer: “Moe’s is a pornography store. I was buying pornography.” See how old the show is, you wouldn’t even have to buy pornography today, you could just download it ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/115 "2012-02-20T13:16:54Z")
In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women… ---
**Author:** ![boozilu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@boozilu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boozilu)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/116 "2012-02-20T13:35:14Z")
Ah, TV. With it’s warm glowing warming glow. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/117 "2012-02-20T14:36:45Z")
Mmmm… unexplained bacon… ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/118 "2012-02-20T15:20:50Z")
Some **Kang and Kodos** lines: “Look out! He’s got a board with a nail in it!” “That board with a nail in it may have defeated us. But the humans won’t stop there. They’ll make bigger boards and bigger nails, and soon, they will make a board with a nail so big, it will destroy them all!” “We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.” “Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/119 "2012-02-20T15:22:07Z")
Really? All these posts and no one lists the one phrase that became a national catchphrase? 😉 “Don’t have a cow, man!” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195/120 "2012-02-20T15:28:16Z")
> [@Dave\_Hartwick](#): > > Spiderpig, Spiderpig > Does whatever a Spiderpig does > Does he swing from a thread? > No he can’t, he’s a pig. So THAT’S where that comes from. > [@buddha\_david](#): > > And my all-time favorite: > “Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” That’s a quote? I thought it was just classic Dope sarcasm. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greatest-simpsons-quotes/613195.md?page=7)