# Greeting women: Hug? Shake hands? Air Kiss? Cheek Kiss? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 20, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880 "2014-10-20T02:07:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jacksparrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jacksparrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jacksparrow)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/1 "2014-10-20T02:07:36Z")
Why do I have so much trouble with this one. Let’s say I’m at a party, and I’m running into friends who I’ve know for varying amounts of time. I usually shake guys’ hands (though that’s also another issue…with the fist bumps, finger locks and snaps, etc), but with women…wtf? I’m so sick of hugging some, but then right in front of them, trying to determine if they are only at the “hand shake” level. Maybe it’s my Aspergers? Then, when hugging a woman, do you actually kiss their cheek? Or air kiss? Or…??? One time I got all confused and we couldn’t determine which side to go to for the hug/kiss…and I kind of kissed her on the mouth. Seriously, I’m so sick of the hug/kiss thing. WHY am I kissing you?? Can’t I just say “high! good to see you”😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/2 "2014-10-20T02:10:36Z")
“Sup?” ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/3 "2014-10-20T02:20:08Z")
It’s perfectly o.k. to set your own standards as long as you are _scaling back_ from the group’s standards. If it’s a handshake group, don’t raise it to a hug and a kiss, but if it’s a hug and a kiss group it’s perfectly o.k. to extend your hand for a handshake if that’s what you’re comfortable with. You can also do the hug without the kiss if it’s the kiss that’s got you flustered. My group of friends are generally huggers- even guy-on-guy. When meeting friends of friends, it’s usually a handshake until we get to know each other better. The hugs tend to come sooner with new women than with new men. If you’re uncomfortable with any physical contact, you can work something out that is right for you. Maybe clasp your hands (making them off-limits for a handshake), then a smile with a polite little 1/4 bow. You could bring the bow back, it could be your thing. As long as you’re friendly and polite, and you’re not stepping _up_ from group standards, you’re fine. The key is to know what your greeting will be and commit to it with confidence. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/4 "2014-10-20T17:46:37Z")
If you decide on the kiss, and she slips you a little tongue, maybe you’re better friends than you realize. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/5 "2014-10-20T17:53:05Z")
_waves_ ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/6 "2014-10-20T19:32:02Z")
The countdown has begun. I generally just say hello. If she extends a hand, I shake it. Then I grasp her hand in mine, feeling the contact of flesh on flesh, and pump it up and down once or twice. I’m careful on disengaging to allow no extraneous finger contact. If she tries something, I keep a sharpened, slightly-grown-out fingernail handy for discouragement. I rarely go to parties. It’s too anxiety-provoking. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/7 "2014-10-20T19:58:50Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > If you decide on the kiss, and she slips you a little tongue, maybe you’re better friends than you realize. A boy’s best friend is his mother, but even so, I’d be worried. ---
**Author:** ![susanlinda823](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@susanlinda823](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susanlinda823)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/8 "2014-10-20T20:05:15Z")
I am perfectly ok with a handshake, I get tired of doing the whole hug/kiss. If we have not seen each other for time than sure. Show me some love. But not alll the time. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/9 "2014-10-20T20:16:53Z")
I agree with **bienville** on playing it down a notch. In general, the only acceptable place to make contact with women under such conditions you outline, and in the professional world, is hand-to-hand with a handshake. If the woman you are greeting goes ahead and moves things up the ladder of contact, say, to a hug, it’s OK to go along for the ride as long as she is the initiator. Let her take the lead and you will be OK. Also, for handshakes and for hugs, if it goes there, know when to let go - best to try for a disengage BEFORE she does. Otherwise, you start pinging the creep-o-meter. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/10 "2014-10-20T22:05:25Z")
_You_ don’t need to initiate physical contact with people. Let them do it and follow their lead. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/11 "2014-10-20T23:44:57Z")
> [@jacksparrow](#): > > Can’t I just say “high! good to see you”😕😕 Can’t see anything wrong with that. But it’ll probably go over better if delivered without a perplexed expression . For me, since I’m living in Japan now, it’s all just verbal greetings and head-bobbing. Way back when I was in high school, my circle of friends would share hugs, but usually when parting. > [@jimbuff314](#): > > The countdown has begun. And, incredibly, continues. ---
**Author:** ![Strainger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strainger/32/244_2.png) [@Strainger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strainger)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/12 "2014-10-21T00:30:59Z")
I typically find a couple of air pelvic thrusts to be an appropriate greeting. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/13 "2014-10-21T00:48:18Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > […] In general, the only acceptable place to make contact with women under such conditions you outline, and in the professional world, is hand-to-hand with a handshake. If the woman you are greeting goes ahead and moves things up the ladder of contact, say, to a hug, it’s OK to go along for the ride as long as she is the initiator. Let her take the lead and you will be OK. > > Also, for handshakes and for hugs, if it goes there, know when to let go - best to try for a disengage BEFORE she does. Otherwise, you start pinging the creep-o-meter. And I bet some of you thought I was kidding about it being anxiety-provoking. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/14 "2014-10-21T02:31:10Z")
> [@bienville](#): > > As long as you’re friendly and polite, and you’re not stepping _up_ from group standards, you’re fine. The key is to know what your greeting will be and commit to it with confidence. One thing I think you left out. You need to be the one who initiates, at least at first, so that you’re the one setting the level. I’d also suggest paying attention to proximity. People set the level of interaction they want by how close they get when they greet you. Someone who wants to shake your hand will stand further away than someone who wants a hug. You don’t have to be as close to shake hands as to hug. Someone who wants a kiss will put their head in a position where a kiss is easy. Of course, this is all assuming that the problem is that the OP is uncomfortable with his friends greetings. It could just be that he’s not sure how far they want him to go. In that case, no need to watch for subtle signals. Just let the other person initiate, and respond in kind. And if you don’t want to kiss with a hug, don’t. Turn you head where that’s unlikely. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/15 "2014-10-21T02:39:17Z")
Offer your hand. If she extends her hand, take it in your hand and raise it as you lower your head and kiss the back of her hand while gazing soulfully into her eyes. That’s what I did in high school. FTR, it never got me laid. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/16 "2014-10-21T02:45:02Z")
Boob Graze, obviously. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s37Vw76ZUdo) ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/17 "2014-10-21T02:53:04Z")
EW. Just, ew. Since the OP mentions Aspergers, social clues can be a challenge. Stick with offering a handshake if anything at all. NEVER try to kiss a cheek, hand, hair, forehead, air, anything. Just leave it off the table completely and you’ll be fine. A strange guy I’ve just been introduced to trying to apply lips anywhere near me will get pushed away. In cases where I’ve allowed it, I regretted it, what with one dude leaving saliva on my hand. (OMG, OMG what the hell!!) and one smearing my makeup. Just. Don’t. If you try to shake a hand, and the woman opens her arms for a hug, then hug her. Return what’s offered, but never offer more than a handshake yourself. Just raising a hand in an open palmed wave and a happy “hello!” is always fine, too. If she sticks a hand out for a shake, then go ahead. It’s the simplest thing, especially if small social signals can be hard for you to interpret. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/18 "2014-10-21T04:53:02Z")
Let her extend her hand first. Otherwise, you might be brought up on charges of rape. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/19 "2014-10-21T04:59:20Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > “Sup?” How _you_ doin’? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2014, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880/20 "2014-10-21T05:14:27Z")
Never say, “High! Good to see you.” Instead, say, “Hi! Good to see you.” No need to confuse the poor woman. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/greeting-women-hug-shake-hands-air-kiss-cheek-kiss/701880.md?page=2)