# Grindhouse movie review on aintitcool; or, the most awesome thing ever written **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 28, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896 "2007-03-28T21:36:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/1 "2007-03-28T21:36:16Z")
Submitted for your approval, the most awesome movie review ever written. 😃 > [@](#): > > Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”? > > Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie that’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs. > > It isn’t even a movie – it’s TWO movies with some trailers and stuff at the beginning, and also between the movies. The directors – more about them in a second (there’s TWO!) – wanted to recreate the way movies were back in the 1920’s, when you could sell a script that was one page that just said, “TITS THEN A MONSTER THEN MORE TITS THEN AN EXPLOSION THEN BONUS TITS” and everyone knew what you were talking about. > > Also, there’s zombies getting killed by a helicopter, which is not only cool to look at, but shows how the movie-makers did some research, to make things realistic. > > First off, the movie lets you know you’re going to get your poop kicked out of you, formed into a set of brass knuckles, and now here comes a poop-punch. > > Because they show a trailer for a movie I need to see RIGHT NOW with my eyes (I already saw it in my head when I was driving last week and Van Halen’s “Panama” came on the radio and I’d just started eating a Payday). It’s called MACHETE, and it’s got that Mexican guy who’s always in movies where there’s people who really need knives stuck into them, and he’s always, “Here, let’s get those knives in you”. Danny something. For more: [Neill Cumpston's Written The Only GRINDHOUSE Review You Ever Need To Read!!](http://www.aintitcool.com/node/32030) ---
**Author:** ![Mouse\_Maven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@Mouse\_Maven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mouse_Maven)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/2 "2007-03-28T21:50:49Z")
I know this movie(s?) is going to be filled with gore, pointless sexuality, and violence. I wanna see it! Gods help me. Oh yeah, is it just me or does Quentin Tarantino look like Shaggy? ---
**Author:** ![lilflower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@lilflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilflower)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/3 "2007-03-28T21:51:52Z")
That is awesome. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/4 "2007-03-28T21:53:08Z")
They plan to release this in Holland as well. As two separate movies. [insert pitworthy language here] ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/5 "2007-03-28T21:55:04Z")
Joe Bob Briggs must be creaming his jeans over this movie. Are there still any drive-ins left in America? ---
**Author:** ![Autumn\_Almanac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d26b3c/32.png) [@Autumn\_Almanac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autumn_Almanac)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/6 "2007-03-28T21:56:12Z")
Geez, I am so excited for this movie. Rose McGowan with a gun for a leg… that’s pretty damn hot. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/7 "2007-03-28T22:14:26Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Joe Bob Briggs must be creaming his jeans over this movie. Are there still any drive-ins left in America? [/QUOTE] They’re making a comeback. The one in my hometown that showed “adult movies” when I was a kid was recently rescued from flea market status and renovated. I saw “Superman Returns” there. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/8 "2007-03-28T22:14:26Z")
I’ll withhold judgment on the film and the veracity of the review in question, but these excerpts were fun: > [@](#): > > PLANET OF TERROR is directed by Robert Rodriquez, which is all I need to say. In fact, instead of his name on poster saying, “Directed By”, he can legally change his name to a picture of a naked Viking woman on a snowmobile with flamethrowers out the back and the flamethrowers are killing a Yeti. That’s the level of guaranteed quality his name brings to stuff… > > Actually, the fake trailers are kind of a bummer, because I really wish they weren’t fake. Maybe the government will put some “don’t be a pussy” drug in the water supply, and everyone will go see this instead of PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out, and they’ll make more of these… > > DEATH PROOF is about this dude, Driver Mike, and he’s played by Kurt Plissken, and goddamn but that dude just gets more bad-ass as he gets older. You know how Sly Stallone kind of looks like Bea Arthur now, and Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like Ally Sheedy? Well, Kurt Plissken looks like a dumpster full of drop kicks. He could fuck a bulldozer into eight Mini Coopers. Fuck, I should pitch that to someone. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/9 "2007-03-28T22:23:25Z")
The title of one of the movies, _Death Proof_, is because this guy’s car is “death proof.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/10 "2007-03-28T22:28:48Z")
I love Neil Cumpston’s reviews. They’re sometimes more entertaining than the movies themselves. _Grindhouse_ has been on my radar for a long time and I can’t wait to see it. ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/11 "2007-03-28T22:43:16Z")
I read that review the other day and laughed till I cried. The review seems to have a similar tone to the film itself, which I can’t wait to see. **Pravnik** , where in Texas are you (and that drive-in)? ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/12 "2007-03-29T06:14:45Z")
Marchant-Ivory move over! There’s a NEW team in tinseltown producing classic cinema, and the name is Tarantino-Rodriguez! ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/13 "2007-03-29T07:01:07Z")
It’s even on [Rotten Tomatoes](http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/grindhouse/?show=all) I hate Tarantino and Rodriguez, so this movie’s certainly nothing I want to be anything near, and judging from the review I wouldn’t like it even if it wasn’t by those two hacks, but I nevertheless did find his writing style entertainingly stupid. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/14 "2007-03-29T12:23:41Z")
[QUOTE=silenus] Joe Bob Briggs must be creaming his jeans over this movie. Are there still any drive-ins left in America? [/QUOTE] Dunno, but there’s a great drive in just west of Toronto in Oakville, the “5 Drive In,” which despite the name has three screens, not five. It would so be worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/15 "2007-03-29T14:35:47Z")
“Like, his director skills are so stripper-with-chainsaw good they make you grow asses on other parts of your body that he then kicks. I hope he directs more movies. I would see them, burn down the theater, and then call the fire department so I could tell all the fireman about what a kick-ass movie it was. When they started to attack me with axes, I’d fly away because Quentin’s movie would have given me ninja flight.” I am dying over this. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/16 "2007-03-29T14:37:04Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Dunno, but there’s a great drive in just west of Toronto in Oakville, the “5 Drive In,” which despite the name has three screens, not five. It would so be worth it. Probably because of Dundas St. (Hwy 5). And that’s where I’m going to see it. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/17 "2007-03-29T15:17:38Z")
As awesome as that review it doesn’t make me want to see the movie any more… BECAUSE IT’S NOT POSSIBLE. My desire to see Grindhouse is like the speed of light, impossible to exceed. Damn, it’s like they wrote that movie with me in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/18 "2007-03-29T15:27:52Z")
This will probably be the only movie we go to the show to see this year. I can’t wait! ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/19 "2007-03-29T15:33:19Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I love Neil Cumpston’s reviews. They’re sometimes more entertaining than the movies themselves. _Grindhouse_ has been on my radar for a long time and I can’t wait to see it. [/QUOTE] According to sources (intenet rumours), Neill is actually a pseudonym for Patton Oswalt, one of the funniest comedians working today. Whomever it is, they are the best film reviews around. He describe The 300 as “…a film that will give your eyeballs boners!” heh. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/20 "2007-03-29T17:16:33Z")
[QUOTE=yanceylebeef] According to sources (intenet rumours), Neill is actually a pseudonym for Patton Oswalt, one of the funniest comedians working today. [/QUOTE] Man, I love Patton Oswalt, I have to check these reviews out! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896.md?page=2)