# Grindhouse movie review on aintitcool; or, the most awesome thing ever written **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 28, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896 "2007-03-28T21:36:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/41 "2007-03-31T05:12:20Z")
[QUOTE=sneezy5660] Sort of back to the OP: Lamesa, Tx. has a drive-in movie, the only cool thing there, and there is a nice one between Midland and Odessa. [/QUOTE] Lubbock also has a drive-in, the [Stars & Stripes](http://driveinusa.com/). Apparently, they’re putting in a third screen. I guess it’s still possible to run a drive-in in places where land is cheap. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/42 "2007-03-31T09:20:16Z")
We have a Drive in in the south Seattle area, Kent/Auburn to be exact. its only open summers though. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/43 "2007-03-31T10:00:41Z")
[QUOTE=mobo85] This, and the fact that he keeps referring to _Planet Terror_ as _Planet of Terror_, reminds me of Jackie Harvey, the _Onion_ Hollywood-gossip character who always messes up simple names. I’m guessing this is intentional on the part of Cumpston’s writing style. [/QUOTE] I think that’s a safe bet. As my earlier post foreshadowed, I went looking for more of his reviews; here’s an excerpt from his take on **The Return of the King** (or as he refers to it, [**Hobbit-Man: The King Returns**](http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=16641) )– > [@Neill Cumpston](#): > > This movie starts with the origin of Golem - that creepy guy who looks like Iggy Pop and wears Tarzan pants and wants the invisible-ring. He’s still on a quest with the two hobbits - Rudy from the film RUDY and Fredo - to throw the ring into a volcano (this is like a serious version of JOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO). The ring is also evil but you keep thinking, while you watch it, that someone should put it on and check out some boobs. I have a feeling those scenes will be in the DVDs. > > At the same time, the two other midget-men and the giant hippies have seriously fucked up that one evil guy’s tower (he was Count Duke in Star Wars: Every Cock in the Universe Up My Ass Part II), and they hook back up with Magneto, and also that chick with the bow and arrows and finally the Giant Midget with the Axe. Oh, and also that I Don’t Want to be the King/I Am Destined to Be the King Dude is with them, and he has this whole other story where he pretty much decides to be the King because, I mean, pussy for miles. This is where I started getting really confused, though, because they start talking about kingdoms and alliances and there’s a lot of lines like, ‘Rohan shall ride!’ and ‘Gondor still stands!’ and ‘Flabadan Son of Rectum must wear the mantle of Bloggith!’ and also there’s some shit with the elves that’s like being in a fucking candle store for twenty minutes. > > But the movie is only doing this to set up the BATTLE OF SHIT-YOUR-PANTS, which isn’t the actual name of the battle but SHOULD be because you will shit stuff you did not eat when you see it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/44 "2007-03-31T11:22:55Z")
[QUOTE=Dante] Probably because of Dundas St. (Hwy 5). [/QUOTE] Yup. Back in the day, 9th line started at the lake. The 5 Drive-in was on it just south of the Highway 5 intersection, and in those days it only had one screen. Lots of good memories of that place (I grew up on 9th Line near the lake in the 60s). The Mustang Drive-in south of London, Ontario, is usually packed. A hot summer night, a vehicle with a removable cover, and the Mustang Drive-in, made for a fine combination. Sudbury’s 69 Drive-in closed in 1992 (named after the major road that is was near, not the activities in which some of the audience members participated). Every time I went there I was eaten alive by either black flies or mosquitos or deer flies or horse flies or a young lady named Silvia, depending on the time of year. Years earlier an owner of the place had once made a film to be shown there called “Corpse Eaters.” (Ha! You thought I’d never get back on topic!) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/45 "2007-03-31T11:41:44Z")
– continued from above From a review of “Corpse Eaters”: [http://www.severed-cinema.com/reviews/abcd/corpse\_eaters.php](http://www.severed-cinema.com/reviews/abcd/corpse_eaters.php) (not safe for work – titties, well, more like boobies, but you be the judge) > [@](#): > > It was filmed in Sudbury, Ontario, with the soul purpose of showing the film at his very own drive-in theatre, “The 69 Drive-In”. > . . . > > Initially upon the films completion Zazalenchuk was unable to afford lab processing fees, but after saving enough money from his driive-in revenue, was able get the film developed. Zazalenchuk’s dream came true in 1974 when Corpse Eaters premiered at his drive-in. The movie had a long lifespan until a New York distributor purchased the film, to later shelve it into obscurity as a tax write-off. > > . . . > > The film opens with a warning message . . . . If a viewer has the inability to control nausea, then when a questionable scene is about to happen a “warning buzzer” and a “picture of a patron reacting to the scene” will alert the viewer notifying you to turn away. . . . . The funny thing is, this actually occurs throughout the film. > > . . . > > Corpse Eaters is mess of a film as far as technical standards go. It is virtually devoid of any cohesive semblance of continuity. The film jumps all over the place, beginning with the morgue attendants, then to our sex crazed crew, to dream sequences, and back to the morgue again. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/46 "2007-03-31T12:09:24Z")
I have a vague recollection of a drive-in in the Hamilton/Stoney Creek area off in a field near Mud St. – for some reason Mud St. stuck in my mind all these years. (I wonder if that is where they bury the zombies?) ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2007, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/47 "2007-04-02T20:15:48Z")
[QUOTE=pravnik] Submitted for your approval, the most awesome movie review ever written. 😃 [/QUOTE] I simply cannot believe ANY movie could be that good. Directors ALWAYS find a way to screw it up, with too much exposition between explosions or irrelevant romantic subplots with not nearly enough nudity and real sex. If I WANTED a movie with that crap I’d’ve gone to “PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out.” :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2007, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/48 "2007-04-03T02:00:30Z")
[QUOTE=Autumn Almanac] Where’s your _vision_, man? Let me repeat: Rose McGowan… with a gun… FOR A LEG! [/QUOTE] That’s… _Rose McGowan_??? :eek: Holy mother of purl ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/49 "2007-04-07T22:23:38Z")
[QUOTE=dropzone] I simply cannot believe ANY movie could be that good. Directors ALWAYS find a way to screw it up, with too much exposition between explosions or irrelevant romantic subplots with not nearly enough nudity and real sex. If I WANTED a movie with that crap I’d’ve gone to “PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out.” :mad: [/QUOTE] I have just seen this movie and I must respectfully submit that this movie review is COMPLETELY CORRECT. This movie is so exploding-whale-nutsack-awesome that entirely new dictionaries must be invented to describe the awesomeness. Get a mental image in your head, if you will, of a stripper. This stripper has a rocket-launcher on her back and minitiature strippers instead of hands. And THOSE miniature strippers are wielding chainsaws and it’s raining ZOMBIES. That’s how awesome this movie is. No, wait. It’s more awesome than that. Fuck, I need a drink. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/50 "2007-04-07T23:15:12Z")
[QUOTE=slortar] I have just seen this movie and I must respectfully submit that this movie review is COMPLETELY CORRECT. This movie is so **exploding-whale-nutsack-awesome** that entirely new dictionaries must be invented to describe the awesomeness. Get a mental image in your head, if you will, of a stripper. This stripper has a rocket-launcher on her back and minitiature strippers instead of hands. And THOSE miniature strippers are wielding chainsaws and it’s raining ZOMBIES. That’s how awesome this movie is. No, wait. It’s more awesome than that. Fuck, I need a drink. [/QUOTE] (bolding mine) Dude, I am _sooooo_ stealing that! Oh yeah, since I’m supposed to see the movie tomorrow, I guess that answers the question if I need to buy some booze tonight. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2007, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/51 "2007-04-08T05:59:20Z")
[QUOTE=dropzone] I simply cannot believe ANY movie could be that good. Directors ALWAYS find a way to screw it up, with too much exposition between explosions or irrelevant romantic subplots with not nearly enough nudity and real sex. If I WANTED a movie with that crap I’d’ve gone to “PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out.” :mad: [/QUOTE] You are absolutely correct. Tarantino’s Deathproof starts off a little slow. By slow, I mean watching a group of super hot chicks drinking, smoking weed and talking about fucking anf blowing dudes. And then Kurt Russel drives a Chevy Nova through their freakin face. booya ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/52 "2007-04-09T03:54:31Z")
Saw it tonight, thanks to the generosity of a friend and while I didn’t hate it, I was disappointed with the flicks. IMHO, the first _hour_ of both films could have been chopped out with no loss in quality. [spoiler]It was at the hour mark in _Planet Terror_ before chickie gets the machine gun/grenade launching leg. It should have been in the first 15 minutes that she got it. Most of the story about the doctors and their marriage should have just been fucking cut out. It added _nothing_ to the movie, but time. Also, this film _needed_ Samuel L. “Bad Muthafucka” Jackson something fierce. Oh, and the baby? The baby needed at _least_ a Red Ryder BB gun for a leg! 😃 Kurt Plissken’s character was just inexplicable. I had been hoping for something like an amphetamine fueled race/duel between him and the Challenger, but that wasn’t the direction they went. Some things that they did in _Death Proof_ that I just totally don’t get. First of all, I live not too far from the town in TN where part of the film was supposed to be set. They totally _did not_ film on location there for some reason, and only one part of the area they used resembled the area (BTW, there used to be a Tucker dealer there.) Also, freakin’ 1970 Dodge Challenger’s are pushing close to $100K, and one like that would have been snapped up in _seconds._ I don’t get why they showed the roll cage in the Challenger, either. Also, in one of the shots, when you see Kurt Plisskin hit the brakes, it’s the wide pedal of an auto, in another shot, it’s the narrow pedal of a stick, and both cars seemed to be autos. If you closely, you can see that the cars have California plates, none of the cars are sporting “Titans” plates/decals, and that the damaged panels on the cars have rust spots. Also, the doors on the Challenger _don’t_ have any rubber weather stripping on them like the should. Finally, the engines just didn’t have the right bassy, grab you by the colon, rumble I was hoping for. I also wish both films had been more self-referential. I did like the faux-trailers, and I hope that “Werewolves of the SS” and “Thanksgiving” both end up getting made. [/spoiler] Over all, I give 'em a 5 out of 10. Some hot babes, but no exposed titties. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/53 "2007-04-09T05:52:16Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I also wish both films had been more self-referential. Okay…[spoiler]Tarantino’s movie is a love letter to (a) the grindhouse genre: movies shot on extremely low budgets, such that they get to do maybe 15-20 minutes of cool stuff and pad out the rest of the time with static chitchat, which structurally the film emulates almost perfectly; (b) the craftspeople who work on these films: note that the second group of women is mostly movie people, and notice the prominently featured movie posters in the bar scene, among other elements; and (c) stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who **plays herself** in the movie, and who kicks unholy amounts of ass. And on the last point, the **definition** of an exploitation movie is a movie whose budget is so low that it can’t afford to do what a Hollywood movie does, which is hire lots of cast or build large sets or go to exotic locations or produce elaborate visual effects, so they stretch their dollar by “exploiting” the elements they can afford, which is to say, naked girls, cheap gore, midgets, and the like; and what is more in the spirit of an exploitation movie than hiring a lead actress who you can ACTUALLY STICK ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR DURING THE HAIR-RAISING CHASE SCENE. 😃 Oh, and the very ending? Absolutely **perfect.** _Death Proof_ is **extremely** self-referential, but it’s in a deep, highly formal way, not obvious and superficial, not “wink-wink.” In fact, I think it might be one of Tarantino’s best movies, on a par with _Jackie Brown._ I’ll need to see it again to be certain. _Planet Terror_, on the other hand, was just okay. Fun, but not a lot of real content; and what’s more I think it misses the point of what a grindhouse movie is supposed to be. There is no way an independent exploitation filmmaker could afford that kind of wall-to-wall mayhem, with dozens of extras in full makeup, several military vehicles, multiple huge explosions, digital visual effects, and everything else. Okay, maybe Rodriguez made this as sort of an **idealized** version of one of these movies, making it so it **is** the way you remember it in retrospect. When one of these movies kicks your ass, in your memory you gloss over the subpar bits, overlooking the padding of the driving scenes and the long pointless dialogue and the crappy effects, and you remember the entire movie as the best half hour. Perhaps Rodriguez was attempting to make the movie of our memories instead of an actual grindhouse feature. Regardless, it works fine, but it’s hardly special. Certainly not next to _Death Proof_, which I can’t freakin’ **wait** to see again. I’m just not sure about sitting through _Planet Terror_ again.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/54 "2007-04-09T06:29:47Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Okay…Tarantino’s movie is a love letter to (a) the grindhouse genre: movies shot on extremely low budgets, such that they get to do maybe 15-20 minutes of cool stuff and pad out the rest of the time with static chitchat, which structurally the film emulates almost perfectly; (b) the craftspeople who work on these films: note that the second group of women is mostly movie people, and notice the prominently featured movie posters in the bar scene, among other elements; and (c) stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who **plays herself** in the movie, and who kicks unholy amounts of ass. And on the last point, the **definition** of an exploitation movie is a movie whose budget is so low that it can’t afford to do what a Hollywood movie does, which is hire lots of cast or build large sets or go to exotic locations or produce elaborate visual effects, so they stretch their dollar by “exploiting” the elements they can afford, which is to say, naked girls, cheap gore, midgets, and the like; and what is more in the spirit of an exploitation movie than hiring a lead actress who you can ACTUALLY STICK ON THE HOOD OF THE CAR DURING THE HAIR-RAISING CHASE SCENE. 😃 [/quote] Yet the film didn’t have _any_ nekkid chicks. I kept hoping we’d get to see Zoe’s boobies flop out while she was on the hood, but that didn’t happen. ☹ And really, with “careful” editing, a high speed chase can seem like it goes on for ages, lot’s of films, including **non** -exploitation films use recycled footage during car chases. Oh, and their tain’t _nuttin’_ exotic about Lebanon, TN, trust me. If they could go to Texas and California for the flick, why couldn’t they go to TN? Oh, and IIRC, _Deathrace 2000_ had lots of driving sequences, and not a helluvalot of exposition, and Coreman sure as shit didn’t spend a bundle on the flick. > [@](#): > > Oh, and the very ending? Absolutely **perfect.** I dunno, I would have liked to have seen the look on "Bubba"s face when they showed back up with what was left with his car. :eek: > [@](#): > > _Death Proof_ is **extremely** self-referential, but it’s in a deep, highly formal way, not obvious and superficial, not “wink-wink.” In fact, I think it might be one of Tarantino’s best movies, on a par with _Jackie Brown._ I’ll need to see it again to be certain. Yeah, I got those, but I think that it needed some wink, wink moments. > [@](#): > > _Planet Terror_, on the other hand, was just okay. Fun, but not a lot of real content; and what’s more I think it misses the point of what a grindhouse movie is supposed to be. There is no way an independent exploitation filmmaker could afford that kind of wall-to-wall mayhem, with dozens of extras in full makeup, several military vehicles, multiple huge explosions, digital visual effects, and everything else. Okay, maybe Rodriguez made this as sort of an **idealized** version of one of these movies, making it so it **is** the way you remember it in retrospect. When one of these movies kicks your ass, in your memory you gloss over the subpar bits, overlooking the padding of the driving scenes and the long pointless dialogue and the crappy effects, and you remember the entire movie as the best half hour. Perhaps Rodriguez was attempting to make the movie of our memories instead of an actual grindhouse feature. Regardless, it works fine, but it’s hardly special. See, I wasn’t analyzing the film like that at all. I was just hoping for an hour and a half of stupid, over the top gore laden violence, sort of like how I remember _Gremlins._ (I haven’t seen it since it was in the theater.) Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, they wouldn’t have had the budget for all that in a _real_ exploitation film, but this wasn’t, of course. Oh yeah, in checking the cast list on IMDB, I see that the deputy who got his finger bitten off was make up expert extrodanaire Tom Savini. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/55 "2007-04-09T06:48:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh yeah, in checking the cast list on IMDB, I see that the deputy who got his finger bitten off was make up expert extrodanaire Tom Savini. See, if you were **really** a fan of the genre, you would have recognized him on sight, like I did, and not had to look him up later. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896/56 "2007-04-09T06:57:06Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] See, if you were **really** a fan of the genre, you would have recognized him on sight, like I did, and not had to look him up later. 😛 [/QUOTE] 😛 Yourself, one of the reasons I went to IMDB was because a bunch of the folks in the film (including him) looked familiar, but I couldn’t put a name to the face. Have you read his book on make up? I have (he spends a bit too much time talking about how he couldn’t get the blood to look right in this or that film, IMHO). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grindhouse-movie-review-on-aintitcool-or-the-most-awesome-thing-ever-written/397896.md?page=2)