# Groaners. The really bad joke thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875 "2004-09-18T18:18:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/41 "2004-09-19T00:28:29Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > A woman with one leg shorter than the other? > > Ilene ‘Edge of the Cliff’ By Eileen Dover. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/42 "2004-09-19T00:34:36Z")
> [@](#): > > Just how old are you then??? :eek: As old as my tongue, and not quite as old as my teeth. > [@](#): > > A _Japanese_ woman with one leg shorter than the other? What do you call a _pirate_ woman with one leg shorter than the other? _Arrrr_lene. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/43 "2004-09-19T00:41:02Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > ‘Edge of the Cliff’ By Eileen Dover. “Tracks in the Snow” by Peter Draggen “Antlers in the Treetops” by Whogoose D. Moose ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/44 "2004-09-19T01:22:36Z")
Two disasters: Two ships, one carrying red paint and one carrying blue paint, collided. All of the sailors were marooned. Terrible crash downtown yesterday involving a truck carrying thesauruses. The spectators were shocked, amazed, astonished, horrified… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/45 "2004-09-19T01:29:03Z")
In the news: “A Cessna 152 training aircraft crashed into the cemetary. 253 bodies recovered so far.” ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/46 "2004-09-19T01:43:48Z")
“Tiger in the Outhouse” - by Claude Balls. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/47 "2004-09-19T02:10:02Z")
My favorite joke: Ask me if I’m an orange. When they ask you, say No. Book titles: How My hurdling Career Ended by Wan Hung Lo How I Cured My Hemorrhoids by Phil McCracken Whipped Cream and Other Erotic Foods by Adolf Oliver Nipples I Am A Sex Fiend by Haywood Jablome Surviving Without Your Genitals by Hugh Biture-Kokoff ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/48 "2004-09-19T02:10:51Z")
_Up the Yellow River_ by I. P. Freely. _Lights Out at a Boys’ Boarding Schoo_l by Holden and Sharon Dix. _Under the Grandstand_ by Seymour Butz _40 Years in a Bordello_ by Lotta Cox ---
**Author:** ![Mithril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mithril/32/3517_2.png) [@Mithril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithril)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/49 "2004-09-19T02:42:53Z")
What did the number zero say to the number eight? Hey, nice belt! ---
**Author:** ![Southpaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@Southpaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Southpaw)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/50 "2004-09-19T02:44:40Z")
What is red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Hippopotamus ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/51 "2004-09-19T05:00:06Z")
A man walks into a phychiatrist’s office clothed only in saran wrap. The psyciatrist says: I can clearly see you’re nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/52 "2004-09-19T05:13:29Z")
What did the ghost get after listening to music too loud? An EERIE ACHE!!! Two teddy bears were in the little boys room, when one turns to the other and says “Hey, would you pass the toilet paper?” The other bear says: [spoiler]What do I look like, A TYPEWRITER?!?!?[spoiler] What’s white, creamy and falls from the sky? THE COMING OF THE LORD!!! Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails and says: Hey, could you PUT ME UP FOR THE NIGHT!!! I need to stop drinking coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/53 "2004-09-19T05:16:47Z")
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole?Phil.What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?Russel.What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a backwater?Eddy.What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in space?Anything you want, but it won’t matter. He can’t hear you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tygerbryght](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9a28c/32.png) [@tygerbryght](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tygerbryght)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/54 "2004-09-19T05:17:39Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > As old as my tongue, and not quite as old as my teeth. > … :eek: You’re wearing inherited dentures?? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/55 "2004-09-19T05:24:52Z")
Erm… Actually, I stole that. I think it was from _Miracle on 34[sup]th[/sup] Street_. What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating behind a fishing boat? Chum. ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/56 "2004-09-19T05:29:11Z")
What do a pizza delivery boy and an gynecoligist have in common? Both can smell it, but they can’t eat it. ---
**Author:** ![Heller\_Highwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@Heller\_Highwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heller_Highwater)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/57 "2004-09-19T05:33:49Z")
Blame my mother for this one: What’s the first thing you know? Ol’ Jed’s a millionaire. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/58 "2004-09-19T06:04:25Z")
What’s grey and will kill you if it falls on you? State Highway 1! There’s these two goldfish in a tank, and one turns to the other and says… So, do you know how to drive this thing? What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk! What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs? A look! What do you call a fly with no wings no legs AND no eyes? A raisin! I’ll be here all week folks, so tell your friends, try the veal - it’s lovely… ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/59 "2004-09-19T16:11:00Z")
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/60 "2004-09-19T16:22:11Z")
What do you call a cow masturbating? Beef strokin’off. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875.md?page=4)