# Groaners. The really bad joke thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875 "2004-09-18T18:18:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![CheapBastid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8baadc/32.png) [@CheapBastid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheapBastid)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/102 "2004-09-21T21:48:30Z")
What is a foot long and slippery… A SLIPPER! ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/103 "2004-09-22T00:45:40Z")
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her when she misbehaved? They left the plunger in the toilet ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/104 "2004-09-22T01:15:34Z")
Book Title: Living Gay by Ben Dover & Phil McCrevice. An arrogant old millionaire hated his family, and had no friends and he didn’t know who to leave his estate to. He finally decided to have a clone created of himself thinking it would be a way him to live forever. A it turned out the clone didn’t know right from wrong. He went out boozing up every night and whoring around. He was getting arrested all the time for his rude and lascivious behaviour. The millionaire realized his plan wasn’t going to work, and he needed to get rid of the younger version of himself, once and for all. The millionaire lured the clone to a cliff and pushed him to his death. He was immediately arrested for making an obscene clone fall. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? he didn’t have the guts to ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/105 "2004-09-22T06:34:51Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > How did Helen Kellers parents punish her when she misbehaved? > > They left the plunger in the toilet Or They rearranged the furniture ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/106 "2004-09-22T06:41:33Z")
What do you do when a leper rolls hois eyes at you? [spoiler]roll them back - he might need 'em[spoiler] How can you tell if a leper’s sent you a letter? The tongue’s stuck to the flap How do you make spaghetti? Hit a leper over the head with a tennis racket What’s black and white and red all over? A newspaper An embarrassed zebra Two nuns in a chainsaw fight ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/107 "2004-09-22T14:12:59Z")
Would the accumulated depreciation on a building in Tehran be an Iran contra-account? ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/108 "2004-09-22T15:17:00Z")
What’s E.T short for? He’s got no legs ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/109 "2004-09-22T21:29:56Z")
Who speaks Spanish and drives a chariot? Ben Hernandez Who wears pink tights and drives a chariot? Ben Gay ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/110 "2004-09-22T22:07:10Z")
A stupid joke but it made me laugh. What do you call Mailman Bob after he got fired? Bob ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/111 "2004-09-23T15:10:54Z")
Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted. * * * Sherlock Holmes was asked to solve the scurvy mystery for the royal navy. “And therefore, Watson, it can only be that a vital element is missing from the diet of our sailors–one which just happens to be found in citrus fruit.” “But Holmes what does it all mean? How do you propose to cure scurvy onboard our ships?” “A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson, A Lemon Tree.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/112 "2004-09-24T20:47:01Z")
What do Winnie-the-Pooh and Attila the Hun have in common? The same middle name. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/113 "2004-09-25T10:34:05Z")
> [@NoPretentiousCodename](#): > > Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted. > > * * * > > Sherlock Holmes was asked to solve the scurvy mystery for the royal navy. > > “And therefore, Watson, it can only be that a vital element is missing from the diet of our sailors–one which just happens to be found in citrus fruit.” > > “But Holmes what does it all mean? How do you propose to cure scurvy onboard our ships?” > > “A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson, A Lemon Tree.” I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Sensualips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@Sensualips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensualips)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/114 "2004-09-25T10:39:58Z")
> [@](#): > > “A Lemon Tree, my dear Watson, A Lemon Tree.” elementary, my dear watson, elementary ---
**Author:** ![Sensualips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@Sensualips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensualips)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/115 "2004-09-25T10:41:41Z")
make that: elementary my dear Cicero, elementary ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/116 "2004-09-25T10:42:38Z")
oh duh :smack: Thanks for making me feel stupid! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sensualips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7c8e57/32.png) [@Sensualips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sensualips)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/117 "2004-09-25T11:01:41Z")
Anytime…what are fiends, er friends for? Sorry I have been up all night and am in a silly mood. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/118 "2004-09-25T11:06:55Z")
Where did the owl move when he retired? Boca Raton How many Dobermans does it take to change a light bulb? Four ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/119 "2004-09-25T12:39:26Z")
How does a Frenchman say three kitties drowned? Un deux trois quatre cinq ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/120 "2004-09-25T12:41:51Z")
**notfrommensa** indeed! {spoiler}text to be hidden{/spoiler} with instead of { } ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2004, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875/121 "2004-09-25T12:51:43Z")
So a guy goes to his doctor, and complains of feeling tired and listless. The doctor examine him, and asks what he had for breakfast. The guy replied “snooker balls, like I do every morning” (this joke was told to me by an Englishman…substitue billard balls if you like). “Snooker balls?” asked the doctor, incredulously. “Sure. I had a red ball and a blue one for breakfast this morning. Last night, I had a yellow and a black, and for lunch, I plan on having a couple of oranges.” “Well”, says the doctor, “There’s your problem. You’re not getting enough greens”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groaners-the-really-bad-joke-thread/264875.md?page=7)