# Grocery store shenanigans **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 27, 2013, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277 "2013-12-27T08:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spaghettifrier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@Spaghettifrier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spaghettifrier)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/1 "2013-12-27T08:00:12Z")
1. Bring a laser pointer to your favorite produce area and help other shoppers by suggesting which watermelon, orange, zucchini, or other-what-have-you they should choose by shining your laser pointer on it. Be careful not to be seen. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/2 "2013-12-27T08:28:37Z")
Ten 2 liter bottles of soda. One frozen chicken. Free bowling! ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/3 "2013-12-27T08:35:54Z")
Frozen pizza Frisbee (a far better use for the stuff, actually) ---
**Author:** ![Spaghettifrier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@Spaghettifrier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spaghettifrier)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/4 "2013-12-27T08:42:31Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > Frozen pizza Frisbee > > (a far better use for the stuff, actually) hmmm, for some reason, I actually prefer frozen pizza over most restaurants. Nothing beats Jack’s original cheese, with your own toppings added!! ---
**Author:** ![Esox\_Lucius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Esox\_Lucius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esox_Lucius)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/5 "2013-12-27T09:06:54Z")
Be careful not to be seen eating it. ---
**Author:** ![Spaghettifrier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@Spaghettifrier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spaghettifrier)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/6 "2013-12-27T09:36:47Z")
Leave interesting notes in between boxes of cereal ---
**Author:** ![OldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/3bc359/32.png) [@OldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OldGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/7 "2013-12-27T20:01:51Z")
My son (when he was about 10) and I would always play Secret Service for my wife. We’d talk into out collars describing where she was going and stake out the ends of the aisle. (We’d often hear what sounded like real coded security calls. We never knew if it was actually us they were worried about or not though.) When wifey tired of this, she’d send us on separate errands to find stuff she’d “forgotten”. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/8 "2013-12-27T20:49:04Z")
> [@Spaghettifrier](#): > > 1. Bring a laser pointer to your favorite produce area and help other shoppers by suggesting which watermelon, orange, zucchini, or other-what-have-you they should choose by shining your laser pointer on it. Be careful not to be seen. You’d probably get arrested for shining the light on genetically modified foods. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/9 "2013-12-27T21:15:44Z")
Make one pass through the store filling your cart. Make a second pass through the store emptying your cart, leaving things in random locations. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/10 "2013-12-27T21:25:42Z")
Try to sneak stuff into other peoples’ carts without them noticing. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/11 "2013-12-27T21:41:15Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Try to sneak stuff into other peoples’ carts without them noticing. Bonus points if you can do this and have them blame it on their kids… ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/12 "2013-12-27T22:04:06Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Make one pass through the store filling your cart. > > Make a second pass through the store emptying your cart, leaving things in random locations. This is an assholish thing to do. An employee then has to take all that stuff you randomly placed and put them back where they belong. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/13 "2013-12-28T02:54:04Z")
Two women, standing side-by-side, taking turns picking up progressively larger cucumbers, saying “This one!”… No! THIS one!.. NO! THIS one!" Extra points if they’re both dressed as nuns. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/14 "2013-12-28T07:33:30Z")
As you go through the store, pick up your favorite items and perform cheerful commercials for each of them, with hand flourishes and toothy smiles. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/15 "2013-12-28T10:51:45Z")
Putting random groceries in other people’s carts while they’re not looking never gets old. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/16 "2013-12-28T12:24:40Z")
Do all your grocery shopping from other people’s carts. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/17 "2013-12-28T12:39:18Z")
Assume the posture and tonal quality of a whiny teenager: “There’s nothing to eat in here!!!” Sing appropriate jingles as you see certain products - wait, do products have jingles any more?? All that comes to mind right now is _“Frosted Lucky Charms - they’re magically delicious!!”_ Ask employees to direct you to embarrassing products, loudly. “Hey, where are the adult diapers??” “What aisle has constipation meds??” “Do you guys sell stuff for jock itch??” ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/18 "2013-12-28T12:52:10Z")
Fill an entire grocery cart with about $300 of groceries and then go to the self check-out. Assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/19 "2013-12-28T13:44:09Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > This is an assholish thing to do. An employee then has to take all that stuff you randomly placed and put them back where they belong. Oh I agree totally. I’m always getting on my wife’s case because she will decide she doesn’t want something and will just drop it somewhere and I tell her “That’s not where you found it!” And she works in retail! You’d think she’d know better. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277/20 "2013-12-28T14:42:56Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Fill an entire grocery cart with about $300 of groceries and then go to the self check-out. > Assholes. Fill an entire grocery cart with _produce_, then go to the self checkout. Assholes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grocery-store-shenanigans/677277.md?page=2)