# Groom taking brides' surname **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 31, 2014, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670 "2014-05-31T01:04:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/41 "2014-06-02T15:47:06Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I’m the opposite. I don’t understand why getting married should change your name. It’s not a big deal to me, and I’m fine with anyone changing their name for any reason they want. I do not, however, understand the desire to keep the family name from dying out. I can’t imagine caring about that. And if you did care, just give your kids their mothers last name. We did this, more or less - my wife and I both kept out last names, the kid got my last name (we decided as a compromise - kid would take my last name, would be taught her ancestral language as well as English). ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/42 "2014-06-02T16:08:44Z")
In Cameroon, married Peace Corps couples would sometimes have a tough time when they entered their community because sharing a last name in some areas is associated with siblings, not spouses. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/43 "2014-06-02T16:19:30Z")
In Cameroon, married Peace Corps couples would sometimes have a tough time when they entered their community because sharing a last name in some areas is associated with siblings, not spouses. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/44 "2014-06-02T17:23:52Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You’re going to be a unit, and that unit needs a name. No, it doesn’t. Husband and I have been a “unit” composed of two people with different surnames for going on 24 years, and it’s working out just fine, thanks. Sorry if it takes you longer to say that you’re coming to dinner at our house (yet for some reason don’t know us well enough to use our first names). This strikes me as the same general sort of logic behind “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/45 "2014-06-02T17:30:34Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You’re going to be a unit, and that unit needs a name. People say things like “We’re visiting the Smiths”, or “I’ve invited the Johnsons over for dinner”. OK, when it’s just a family of two, people might be able to just say “Bob and Mary”, or whatever, but that gets unwieldy fast once you start having kids. Nah, when people refer to us as a unit (let’s say I’m Ms Smith and he’s Mr. Ward) they just say “the Smith-Ward’s” (especially since our kids are hyphenated, using both our last names). So they’d say “we’re going over to the Smith-Ward’s house tonight” ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/46 "2014-06-02T17:32:34Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > I used to think that way. I swore that if I ever got married I’d be keeping my maiden name or maybe hyphenating. But then I actually did get married - in my absolute dream wedding - and all my husband asked was that I take his last name. I figured that for all he does for me and how much he adores me I can at least do that. > > . I understand why you agreed. I don’t understand why he asked. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/47 "2014-06-02T17:59:43Z")
Regarding celebrities, there’s also the actor [Aaron Johnson](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aaron_Taylor-Johnson)and the artist/director [Sam Taylor-Wood](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Taylor-Wood), who married and became Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/48 "2014-06-02T21:53:07Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You’re going to be a unit, and that unit needs a name. People say things like “We’re visiting the Smiths”, or “I’ve invited the Johnsons over for dinner”. OK, when it’s just a family of two, people might be able to just say “Bob and Mary”, or whatever, but that gets unwieldy fast once you start having kids. For something vaguely like this reason, I use my husband’s surname socially – also because I belong to a couple of cultures where this is by far the norm, and it would confuse people if I did not. However, neither my workplace nor the U.S. Government needs a unique name for this unit, and hence I have not taken his name legally. (I also have other reasons, like the fact that I like my name, I like the history behind it, and I have published papers under my name.) ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/49 "2014-06-03T01:50:34Z")
> [@starryspice](#): > > Two friends of mine combined their last names into one. I don’t want to share their last name, but it worked really well. Unfortunately, they got divorced and went back to their original names. Such a shame. Are you talking about Joe and Susan Kokinballs? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/50 "2014-06-03T11:30:05Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > You’re going to be a unit, and that unit needs a name. People say things like “We’re visiting the Smiths”, or “I’ve invited the Johnsons over for dinner”. OK, when it’s just a family of two, people might be able to just say “Bob and Mary”, or whatever, but that gets unwieldy fast once you start having kids. China and Korea, to name two countries, have been doing just fine for thousands of years without requiring one spouse to take the other’s surname upon marriage. Married folks there even have children and the lack of a “unit” surname doesn’t appear to be a problem either. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/51 "2014-06-03T11:54:41Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > China and Korea, to name two countries, have been doing just fine for thousands of years without requiring one spouse to take the other’s surname upon marriage. Married folks there even have children and the lack of a “unit” surname doesn’t appear to be a problem either. In a closer place, a lot of Latin American countries (if not all) also don’t have the “change the surname” as tradition. Closer even, doesn’t Quebec also has a “no change in surname” tradition? ---
**Author:** ![amanset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8dc957/32.png) [@amanset](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amanset)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/52 "2014-06-04T14:24:37Z")
Here in Sweden it is not unknown for a Groom to take Bride’s surname if he has something spectacularly boring, like Svensson. I know of people in the UK that have done the “mixing them both into one” thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2014, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/53 "2014-06-04T15:33:08Z")
I didn’t realise until this week that the people in my department (who’ve met him a number of times over the past few years) assumed my spouse was Mr Boods. While telling this story to a friend of about 25 years, _she_ then asked, 'What IS his surname, by the way? Come to think of it, I’m not sure my mom knows, either. So due to a bit of absent-mindedness on my part, loads of people think he’s either taken my name, or that my name is his name. Or something like that. Anyway, I’ve got the Bingo song stuck in my head now. Fab. ---
**Author:** ![yo\_han\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yo_han_go/32/130_2.png) [@yo\_han\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yo_han_go)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/54 "2014-06-05T11:38:32Z")
I’ve known a man who used to be (vaguely) Newman (and short and skinny) and them become (vaguely) Chiefman. Oh yes. He heard a lot about it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/55 "2014-06-05T13:46:46Z")
I’ve heard of guys taking their wives’ last names, but don’t know of anyone personally who did. My sister hyphenated her last name with her husband’s for awhile, but found it cumbersome and later went back to her birth name. My wife’s sister-in-law had a similar experience. When my girlfriend and I became engaged, we discussed that. I told her I’d be honored and pleased for her to take my last name, but that of course it was her decision. She soon did choose to take my last name, using her maiden name as her middle name (she’d never carried for the middle name she got at birth), and has never since expressed any regret. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/56 "2014-06-07T12:56:25Z")
I knew a couple who hyphenated their last names after they married and both used the hyphenated last name. This was in the mid-80s and was just becoming a more common practice. The names sounded fine together (not that it particularly matters) and it was a little unusual at the time, but no big deal. But, I do remember thinking what was going to happen if their daughter, who also had the hyphenated last name, married someone with a hyphenated last name and they decided to hyphenate their already-hyphenated names. Sarah Smith-Jones-Brown-Watson is going to get tricky when filling out forms with limited spaces. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/57 "2014-06-07T13:17:11Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I don’t understand why getting married should change your name. I’m with you. As someone (I wish I knew who) said on NPR years ago: “Why on earth would you change your name because of a wedding? You’re getting _married_, not joining a witness protection program!” ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670/58 "2014-06-07T18:52:11Z")
Isn’t it great that people can decide for themselves what they want to do with their names after they get married? In other words I’m starting to sense a bit of judging of other people’s choices, which is uncalled for. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/groom-taking-brides-surname/689670.md?page=2)