# Grovelling behavior by an African American man. Why did he act like this? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 25, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075 "2011-08-25T19:21:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/21 "2011-08-26T00:36:45Z")
I don’t know that I stand out. The neighborhood is pretty much a mix of white, black, and hispanic, but I suppose that you may be onto something. I had gone to my mother’s straight from work and was still wearing a shirt and tie. That probably stands out in that neighborhood, especially later in the evening. ---
**Author:** ![Rekd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Rekd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rekd)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/22 "2011-08-26T00:38:56Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > You may be right, but you had to be there. It seemed like it was fear rather than politeness. He wouldn’t even look at me. I should add that he acted this way in front of his friends. > > I guess “loitering while black” may be an issue similar to “driving while black”. I’m just curious why you say African American in one post and black in another. Did you originally feel like you might be offensive if you used black in the title? Or did you assume the black Americans were, indeed, from Africa? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/23 "2011-08-26T00:41:06Z")
I use the terms interchangeably. I didn’t really think about it. But black Americans are, for the most part, of African ancestry, and they’re commonly referred to as African Americans. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/24 "2011-08-26T01:17:26Z")
Could it be that the guy didn’t want to be mistaken for a stereotypical thug, and was perhaps overly apologetic? ---
**Author:** ![planetcory](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/planetcory/32/1032_2.png) [@planetcory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/planetcory)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/25 "2011-08-26T02:15:03Z")
Bosstone got it right in the second post. ‘Boss’ is just generic black slang. A term of ‘informal respect.’ It wasn’t intended to convey subservience, just respectful acknowledgement. He likely calls many of his friends the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/26 "2011-08-26T03:52:49Z")
It’s black slang? I say “Boss…” ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/27 "2011-08-26T07:16:42Z")
My take on it is – now that you’ve clarified that you were wearing a shirt and tie – is this: You came into the neighborhood, driving a newish car and looking like “the man.” The residents of the block thought you were an outsider. Once you kissed your mom goodbye at the door and threw an “I love you!” over your shoulder, they recognized their mistake. You went from being an outsider to being a dutiful son of a long-term neighborhood fixture and the boy was embarrassed. I doubt your car will be leaned on again. In some places, the neighborhood watch is a LOT more effective than a bunch of elderly busy-bodies that go to bed at 8PM. /Has lived in Detroit, proper. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/28 "2011-08-26T11:46:52Z")
Duh! Time traveler from the 1860’s. StG ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/29 "2011-08-26T11:50:38Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > It honestly reminded me of movies I’ve seen about the old Jim Crow south. The guy actually called me “boss”. When someone calls me boss I assume they spent time in prison. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/30 "2011-08-26T12:12:41Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > When someone calls me boss I assume they spent time in prison. In my experience this assumption would be very, very inaccurate. I’ve heard lots of people say it, I say it, and very few to none of that set have been in prison. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/31 "2011-08-26T12:19:23Z")
I think you underestimate how grave an offense it is to sit on someone’s car. You brush it off like it’s no big deal, but you’re an outlier. Most people would flip shit. Hell, _this_ guy would probably flip shit if someone sat on his car. So he was probably apologizing because he sincerely felt like an ass. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/32 "2011-08-26T12:29:22Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > In my experience this assumption would be very, very inaccurate. I’ve heard lots of people say it, I say it, and very few to none of that set have been in prison. I’ve only had three people call me boss my entire life. Two were African American and one was white. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/33 "2011-08-26T13:09:32Z")
He may have thought you were a cop in plainclothes. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075/34 "2011-08-26T14:02:18Z")
“Boss” was only a small part of it. If he had just stood up and said “sorry boss” in a friendly tone I probably wouldn’t have given it much thought. It was the combination of that with his whole attitude and the repeated “sorry, sorry”. Just to clarify, he wasn’t sitting on the car, just leaning, not that big a deal to me as long as you don’t scratch up the paint or something. It’s not something I like but it’s also not something I would usually make a big confrontation about. I might have said something like “careful of the car man” in a friendly tone if he hadn’t beaten me to it with his “sorry, sorry”. I actually do visit my mother pretty regularly as she’s elderly and needs my brother and I to do her shopping and little repairs around the house, etc. so I imagine I’m already a neighborhood fixture. My mother, my brother, and myself, are on good terms with everyone we know in the neighborhood, of various races, and I assume that we’re not on bad terms with those we don’t know. You’ve all given me various reasonable explanations. I probably made a big deal out of nothing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grovelling-behavior-by-an-african-american-man-why-did-he-act-like-this/594075.md?page=1)