# Grown children not inviting parents to social events
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [May 29, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554 "2014-05-29T12:54:44Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/1 "2014-05-29T12:54:44Z")
The thread about encouraging children to a higher socioeconomic level made me think of this.
My ex gets very upset because are children don’t always invite us to their parties. Some of their parties are their social groups and some are a mix of family and friends. I don’t expect to be part of his social group and think nothing of helping them prepare for a party I won’t be attending. Family and friend parties we are naturally invited to. If I try to explain this to her she always has the same answer, she feels they are ashamed of us. Truth is we would both be uncomfortable and not fit in anyway. The average age is one generatin below us.
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My son does advise me to attend his beer maker gatherings because I make all his equipment and I think he wants to keep me up to date.
My feeling is that this is very normal behavior on their part, has anyone else had issues with this?
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### Author:  [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/2 "2014-05-29T13:13:57Z")
In Western culture, it would be considered unusual (and a bit of a downer on the party atmosphere) to invite parents when one is planning a party for friends.
What culture is your ex from?
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### Author:  [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/3 "2014-05-29T13:14:36Z")
Your ex sounds insecure.
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### Author:  [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/4 "2014-05-29T13:17:03Z")
Lemme guess, you’re the cool parent. 🙂
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### Author:  [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/5 "2014-05-29T13:18:13Z")
The only weird thing is somehow your adult children draft you into helping set up their parties, that you’re not invited to. Or even that you are invited to.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/6 "2014-05-29T13:29:30Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> The only weird thing is somehow your adult children draft you into helping set up their parties, that you’re not invited to. Or even that you are invited to.
I don’t really help set up for the party as much as maybe do some handyman projects that need done before a party. Ex is from poor working class in the south but has done reasonably well in her own right. Both of us have no more than high school educations and very limited travel and life experience for that matter. Neither of us would have much to talk about. I feel a little bad that she is offended and hurt, I guess I am looking for the right thing to say to make her feel a little better about it.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/7 "2014-05-29T13:40:05Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#):
>
> In Western culture, it would be considered unusual (and a bit of a downer on the party atmosphere) to invite parents when one is planning a party for friends.
Not around here it’s not. I wouldn’t say every party includes parents, but it’s not uncommon at all. My parents are getting to the age where parties that go later than about 8pm are too late for them, but before that I had no problem saying to them “I’m having a group of people over, you guys should stop by and have a drink.”
Currently, I know at least one couple in their late 20s/early 30s and their parents, late 50s/early 60s, who I see at parties together all the time. I also have hung out with several other of my friend’s parents at various get togethers.
As far as the OP, not sure what to say. Could it be that the girlfriend came from a place where multi-generational socializing was the norm, and in the current place, it’s not?
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### Author:  [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/8 "2014-05-29T13:41:00Z")
I’m sure you would both have at least as much to talk about as anyone else at the party, but there is nothing strange about not being invited. Please encourage your wife to NOT share the fact that she is hurt or offended with the kids. They have the right to their own social lives and should not feel obligated to include their parents in every gathering. My mom used to guilt me every time I did any social event and did not include her, even though I spent plenty of time with her and did invite her whenever it was even remotely appropriate. Maybe your wife needs some friends of her own or a hobby.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/9 "2014-05-29T13:45:14Z")
As far as the OP, not sure what to say. Could it be that the girlfriend came from a place where multi-generational socializing was the norm, and in the current place, it’s not?
[/QUOTE]
Good point, where she comes from everyone is invited to everything. Something she seems to fail to rememeber is that when we were a young married couple we sometimes did the same thing.
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### Author:  [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/10 "2014-05-29T14:23:24Z")
I would never dream of inviting my mother to a social gathering with friends, and I live with her.
She doesn’t invite me to her parties either. We have our own friends.
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### Author:  [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/11 "2014-05-29T15:22:21Z")
> [@AnaMen](#):
>
> Maybe your wife needs some friends of her own or a hobby.
^This! It’s a common enough problem with older empty-nesters, and I think especially moms. My mom is like this, but my dad is not.
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### Author:  [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/12 "2014-05-29T15:37:55Z")
I think it depends somewhat on the relative age and maturity of the children.
If they are in their 20s or early 30s it might be uncomfortable for all parties if parents in their 50s or 60s were present.
On the other hand, but they time they are in their 40s and 50s including parents in a party would hardly be unusual.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [May 29, 2014, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/13 "2014-05-29T15:56:09Z")
> [@Colibri](#):
>
> I think it depends somewhat on the relative age and maturity of the children.
>
> If they are in their 20s or early 30s it might be uncomfortable for all parties if parents in their 50s or 60s were present.
>
> On the other hand, but they time they are in their 40s and 50s including parents in a party would hardly be unusual.
My daughter will be turning 50 this year and I have noticed as she gets older we are included more often. I also notice I have more in common with her guests than I would my sons guests who are in their early to middle 30’s usually.
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### Author:  [@minionkat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minionkat)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/14 "2014-05-30T02:59:36Z")
I occasionally invite my mother to my parties. She is a lot of fun and my friends love her. My friends often invite my mother to their parties, barbecues and the like. This is true for my different circles of friends. My mother is not always the only parent there. My mom is 67 years old and goes to ComicCon and plays Cards Against Humanity, so ymmv. She loved the Hobbit Day we did last year.
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### Author:  [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/15 "2014-05-30T03:15:23Z")
I think this is generational. I grew up in the 60s, and there was the kids’ world and the parents’ world and never the twain shall meet.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/16 "2014-05-30T03:34:57Z")
I don’t invite my parents or siblings to my non-family parties. Nor would I solicit their help in preparing for a party I’m throwing, whether they’re invited or not, now that I’m over 12. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/17 "2014-05-30T04:01:29Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#):
>
> Ex is from poor working class in the south but has done reasonably well in her own right. Both of us have no more than high school educations and very limited travel and life experience for that matter. Neither of us would have much to talk about.
Slightly off-topic, but one of my friends is a guy who left school at 14 and has worked in forestry and on fishing boats all his life. Fascinating guy to talk to, and I can listen to him for hours; don’t assume that just because you don’t have higher education it disqualifies you from conversation: I know plenty of people from university I wouldn’t waste breath on.
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### Author:  [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/18 "2014-05-30T06:07:12Z")
Might I suggest a compromise? The parents (“the rents” as the youth say these days) should be invited, drop by and meet and visit a bit before having to leave early so as to not spoil the heavier drinking that is anticipated later before eyes are being made and sexy-time hoped for. Nothing puts the damper on flirting like Mom demanding to be part of the conversation.
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### Author:  [@the\_diego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_diego)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/19 "2014-05-30T06:22:50Z")
I wouldn’t want to disco or bar hop with my parents, that’s for sure.
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### Author:  [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)
#### Post date: [May 30, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/grown-children-not-inviting-parents-to-social-events/689554/20 "2014-05-30T06:43:00Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#):
>
> Might I suggest a compromise? The parents (“the rents” as the youth say these days) should be invited, drop by and meet and visit a bit before having to leave early so as to not spoil the heavier drinking that is anticipated later before eyes are being made and sexy-time hoped for. Nothing puts the damper on flirting like Mom demanding to be part of the conversation.
Yeah. I mean its so difficult to host good orgies these days , without having to cater to your parents.:dubious:😃
On a serious note , maybe the fact the OP is separated is the reason you are not invited. Kids often don’t want to deal with issues of parents.
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