# Gruesome Church Advertisements **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933 "2004-04-02T18:45:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/21 "2004-04-03T04:37:46Z")
Passion 2: Destruction of Jared-Syn ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/22 "2004-04-03T04:39:23Z")
Passion 2: \*\*the \*\* Destruction of Jared-Syn ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/23 "2004-04-03T06:17:55Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > My pastor (and boss) told people that before they went to see the movie they should read the book. Someone actually asked him if it was at Borders. Ummm I don’t get it? Are you saying Border doesn’t sell Bibles? Or that people who shop at Borders are too (insert adjective here) to read The Bible? Personally I bought mine at a thrift shop when I started studying it… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/24 "2004-04-03T06:23:59Z")
The Passion II: _Die Harder._ Nah… not possible. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/25 "2004-04-03T07:32:02Z")
> [@Krisfer the Cat](#): > > Ummm I don’t get it? Are you saying Border doesn’t sell Bibles? Or that people who shop at Borders are too (insert adjective here) to read The Bible? > Personally I bought mine at a thrift shop when I started studying it… Means the people who asked if it was at Borders were thinking of a novelization of the movie, and didn’t get that he meant THE BIBLE. A local church has a huge sign downtown that has the publicity poster for The Passion with the text “MEET THE AUTHOR THIS SUNDAY” ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/26 "2004-04-03T07:51:57Z")
Eh, I have nothing against gruesome billboards, as long as the people putting them up also have nothing against televised Super Bowl boobage and such. Live and let live, right? ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/27 "2004-04-03T08:43:44Z")
> [@racinchikki](#): > > Means the people who asked if it was at Borders were thinking of a novelization of the movie, and didn’t get that he meant THE BIBLE. > " bleh… I expect one of those to pop up any day now… Can sitthee with all the tacky souvenir and jewelry shit that is offered in my email. ---
**Author:** ![Lillith\_Fair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lillith\_Fair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lillith_Fair)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/28 "2004-04-03T13:57:28Z")
“Means the people who asked if it was at Borders were thinking of a novelization of the movie, and didn’t get that he meant THE BIBLE.” Exactly–someone didn’t realize he meant to read the Bible first. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/29 "2004-04-03T15:21:07Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > In fact, I’d venture to say that most of the people executed by Vlad the Impaler suffered worse than Jesus. I mean, _Jesus_ didn’t even get get anything shoved through his butt! Messianic rabbi Les Gosling (Google on Biblical Research Institute or Freedom in Messiah") speculates that He did, as Roman treatment of prisoners included rape & that the Psalm 22 reference to being abused by “dogs” prophesied such. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/30 "2004-04-03T17:01:19Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Messianic rabbi Les Gosling (Google on Biblical Research Institute or Freedom in Messiah") speculates that He did, as Roman treatment of prisoners included rape & that the Psalm 22 reference to being abused by “dogs” prophesied such. Hmm. If Mel get’s wind of that, I shudder to think what the “Special Edition” of the DVD is going to contain as a “bonus” feature and what the director’s commentary will entail. Mel: See that? That’s my penis, and it’s going straight into the Lord’s ass! I imagine that the “deleted scenes” will be interesting. Mel: Well, in this scene, there just wasn’t enough blood. I thought that five gallons of blood would be enough, but when you look at it on film, you can see that there’s only a thin layer of blood on the ground, and not large pools of it. So far, I haven’t seen any horrific billboards, but a lot of church’s have signs out front referencing the film, and the wording of one I found to be [amusing](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=246477). ---
**Author:** ![aerodave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f08c70/32.png) [@aerodave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerodave)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/31 "2004-04-03T17:35:03Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Or, _Jesus II: Electric Boogaloo_. _clap_ _clap_ That’s awesome…I’ve got a friend that would love that response. He says that any time he hears the “two” after a sequel, he’s compelled to add “Electric Boogaloo.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/32 "2004-04-03T19:07:25Z")
> [@racinchikki](#): > > A local church has a huge sign downtown that has the publicity poster for The Passion with the text “MEET THE AUTHOR THIS SUNDAY” Heh. I saw an ad for the movie _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ and it had a little thing in the billing box saying “Read the book from Suchandsuch Press”. ---
**Author:** ![Steel\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/33 "2004-04-03T19:20:11Z")
I’m REALLY surprised no one has done this one: **Passion II: ElectraGod in Blue** As an atheist, the depiction of all the suffering is another way the christian churches make people feel guilty, to get them into church, and donate money. Biggest scam of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/34 "2004-04-03T20:31:09Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Mel: See that? That’s my penis, and it’s going straight into the Lord’s ass! Thanks a lot **Tucker**. I’m probably taking the Hell Express for laughing out loud at that! 😉 I have seen Bibles being sold with a picture of Jim Caviezel from the movie on the cover. Oh, for the love of God… oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/35 "2004-04-03T20:46:57Z")
> [@ITR champion](#): > > **The Passion of Scooby Doo**. Ahahahaha. My computer just got a shower. \*\* THE PASSION OF SCOOBY DOO. RESURRECTION OF MR. JOHANSON.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/36 "2004-04-04T04:24:57Z")
> [@ITR champion](#): > > **The Passion of Scooby Doo**. “Now, to prove to you that there is no such thing as Pontius Pilate.” Freddy reaches up and removes the latex mask revealing, “Old mister Witherspoon, from the carnival!” “Our first clue was this copy of The Dead Sea Scrolls For Dummies we found in the secret passage. The thumbprint on the cover was smudged alright. But, the reason it’s smudged is because somebody’s hand was covered in caramel.” “The next clue was the offer to let Jesus go free. No real Roman governor would do that. But, Barabbas partner would want to free him so they could finish recovering the hidden diamonds.” “The final clue was this large mirror. It showed that the flying Pilate was really just an image thrown by this film projector.” “Cheez, we come here for some falafel and end up uncovering a plot to kill the Son of God.” “And I would have gotten away with it too. If not for you medlling kids and that dog.” “Yep, when it comes to finding the afi khomen or solving mysteries, nobody beats my best pal-” “Scooobyyy Dooobbyyy Dooooo!” ---
**Author:** ![Mofo\_Rising](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mofo\_Rising](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mofo_Rising)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/37 "2004-04-04T05:10:03Z")
Wow, this went from OP to blasphemy in no time flat. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. What bugs me is that I have seen a lot of churches with banners showing the movie and some other slogans such as “Find out the real truth here!” Did the churches makes these banners or were they, shudder, handed out as a sort of press kit? That’s creepy, folks, even if it makes sense. Anyway, I picked up somewhere that imagining and trying to understand the actual physical pain that Jesus went through was an accepted practice in some branches of Chrisitanity. You know, to understand what Jesus actually went through to redeem the world. Of course, that was probably picked up from “freethinking” books. Anyway, if that was the case, THE PASSION would simply be an extension of that tradition. Doesn’t matter that I thought it was the kid’s version of Jesus with gore thrown in. By the way, did anybody find the reveal of Jesus’ ressurection at the end to be, I don’t know, a bit action movie-ish? I mean, the people applauding Jesus rising from the grave like Jerry Rice scoring a touchdown and the music? I half expected Jesus to say “Let’s kick some ass.” Hell, Mel, why not end it like MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON while you’re at it? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/38 "2004-04-04T06:11:04Z")
> [@](#): > > Hell, Mel, why not end it like MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON while you’re at it? > [@](#): > > In fact, I’d venture to say that most of the people executed by Vlad the Impaler suffered worse than Jesus. I mean, Jesus didn’t even get get anything shoved through his butt! We could combine the two! Jesus comes back from the dead and throws a sharpened 10-foot cross through Pilates ass! “It’s symbolism! He’s showing how angry he is!” ---
**Author:** ![bookbuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@bookbuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bookbuster)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/39 "2004-04-04T06:40:04Z")
OMG, just seeing the words “The Passion of Christ II” had me rolling around in a fit. In a couple of years we will have the futuristic big budget thriller epic: **"The Passion of Christ III - Shock and Awe"** ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2004, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933/40 "2004-04-04T10:06:42Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Messianic rabbi Les Gosling (Google on Biblical Research Institute or Freedom in Messiah") speculates that He did, as Roman treatment of prisoners included rape & that the Psalm 22 reference to being abused by “dogs” prophesied such. Yeah, but it still wasn’t a freaking [caber](http://www.kyscottishweekend.org/caber.html) enema. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gruesome-church-advertisements/237933.md?page=3)