# Guess what? I'm a REPUBLICAN!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 4, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312 "2002-07-04T03:56:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/21 "2002-07-04T14:12:33Z")
Of course Anthracite, It’s only fair that I point out that Anecdotal evidence is not a par for all democrats / republicans. ---
**Author:** ![MisterBK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MisterBK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterBK)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/22 "2002-07-04T14:14:25Z")
Dammit, apparently **MisterBK** is so liberal that he _can’t even count_! ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/23 "2002-07-04T15:32:30Z")
Just call it 31a and 31b, the gay welfare rule. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/24 "2002-07-04T15:43:55Z")
OK, let’s get down to brass tacks here. **Guin** , if you’re going to be a Republican, first you’re going to have to straighten out that slice. Yeah, I know, Tiger democratized the game blahblahblah, but we in the GOP do it right. So get to the driving range and hit a couple of buckets until it’s straight, all right? Next, you’re going to need some money. So either quit that K-mart job and buy some Lowe’s shares or marry someone with some scratch. Sorry, but it’s a rule. Wardrobe: This is very important. Republicans do not wear bowling jackets. Ever. Even while bowling (which we don’t admit we do, but we do). So take some of that money and get some Prada or something. This will get you started for now. Let me know when you’ve gone through the checklist and we’ll move on to advanced lessons such as retirement planning, sailing lessons and how to choose a polo pony. Congratulations on becoming a Republican, and I hope you look forward to many years of pleasure from your new status. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/25 "2002-07-04T16:19:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*You could try joining the Libertarians instead, amusingly defined in an article I once read as “Republicans who like drugs.” \*\* Does “amusingly” mean “stupidly wrong”? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Gui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@El\_Gui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Gui)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/26 "2002-07-04T18:19:17Z")
and Guin., what are you doing voicing your thoughts anyway? Get in the kitchen and bake me some pie!!! You damn wretch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ModeratelyNuts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a9adbd/32.png) [@ModeratelyNuts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ModeratelyNuts)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/27 "2002-07-04T19:47:07Z")
Hello everyone, new poster here. This subject interests me. While reading the thread, I notice many stereotypes of “republicans”. Now, not all posters did this but many did. I realize that it may have been tongue-in-cheek, but it seems to me that lefties claim to be tolerant of everything, yet if anyone disagrees with their views, it is all right to be intolerant to them. So what if someone has a legal firearm? So what if they don’t like homosexuals? So what? “Just because they are different from you doesn’t give you the right to hate them.” Ever hear that before? Lefties always pull that line. Maybe they should live by it when it comes to people on the right. Just venting. Ready to be flamed, M.N. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/28 "2002-07-04T19:54:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > \*\*Of course Anthracite, It’s only fair that I point out that Anecdotal evidence is not a par for all democrats / republicans. \*\* Absolutely true, I agree. And my contributions to this thread were stupid and pointless. BTW - I’m listening to “Clearest Morning” right now, done by a group that I feel has some real potential. Would you happen to know the name of the band? Oh, now it’s “Orange Dinghy”…I really like 3/4 songs (“Underwear” doesn’t do anything for me, I fear) ---
**Author:** ![lenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3bc359/32.png) [@lenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lenin)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/29 "2002-07-04T20:32:33Z")
1. Flag burning shall result in an immediate flogging. 2. Criminals don’t deserve to live, anyway. 3. The Justice System has **never** made a mistake. 37b) Anyone who claims so is obviously guilty of some crime and should be executed. 37c) Executions shall be taped and shown on Pay-Per-View. 4. The poor need to have the bulk of the taxes in order to help the economy stay afloat. 5. Government programs have never helped the economy. 6. Bill Clinton is the son of Satan. 40b) Bill Clinton is Satan. 40c) All Democrats worship Bill Clinton and have shrines to him in their basement, and in addition, see nothing wrong with him. 40d) Bill Clinton’s attempted impeachment by Republicans was entirely due to his breaking the law and had nothing to do with the fact they hated him. 7. The only reason the economy went up during Clinton’s reign is because of the seed that Ronald Reagan planted. 8. Ronald Reagan is the greatest president of all time. 9. Corporations should be allowed to do whatever they goddamn well please. 10. Free spech is a dangerous tool that must be outlawed… 44b) Except in the case of huge corporations giving millions to leaders in exchange for political favors, which is free speech and not bribery. 11. Questioning the government is treason. 12. Anyone who isn’t a Republican is guilty of treason. 13. Texas is the model for the perfect state. 14. In order to ensure a small government, we must limit all civil liberties immediately. 48b) The ACLU is to be disbanded. 15. If a rich person is found guilty of a crime, the jury was obviously full of communists. 16. We must remain isolationist such that corrupt communist organizations like the U.N. do not theaten the sovereignity of the U.S… 50b) Except when it comes to countries with oil in them. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/30 "2002-07-04T20:50:37Z")
**ModeratelyNuts** , welcome to the SDMB (or at least the posting part thereof)! Why make fun of the Republicans? Because there’s no point in making fun of the Democrats–they do too good a job of it themselves. And as far as “stereotypes” are concerned I don’t see anything new in this thread, the ones used here have been around for a long time. And as you’ll find out, if you haven’t already, giving Dopers any kind of an opening at all invites assault with a battering ram. (Subtlety? Try the next window down–we’re fresh out here.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/31 "2002-07-04T21:16:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philosophocles \* > \*\* > 15) Cross your fingers behind your back when you have to give a speech about “getting tough on corporate crime” \*\* 15a) Before raping and pillaging your corporation’s assets, be sure to donate a lot of money to the Republican Party. It’ll make it easier to get out of a conviction. 15b) Be sure to set up a few of your underlings so the public will think the government is “doing something” about corporate crime. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/32 "2002-07-04T21:30:45Z")
::eyeing **Guin** Suspiciously:: Sorry, ducks, but this means I gotta kick you out of the ‘Liberal but not a fucking lunatic’ section - no more white wine and brie for you m’dear. Garcon!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/33 "2002-07-04T21:36:35Z")
Lenin: You forgot something… 1. The only reason the economy went up during Clinton’s reign is because of the seed that Ronald Reagan planted **the first year he was in office**. (of course, that was the ONLY year Reagan KNEW he was holding an office. After that is was all a blur to him) 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/34 "2002-07-04T21:59:26Z")
lenin wrote: 40) Bill Clinton is the son of Satan. 40b) Bill Clinton is Satan. and thus was born the Mystery of the Unholy Diune. bill Clinton is the son of Satan, yet, is also Satan! I cant explain why right now, i have to get back to my black sabbath ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/35 "2002-07-04T22:01:49Z")
_sigh_ Wait…I have to learn to play…golf? Um, no wait. I don’t want to be a 'pubby! I want to play SW RPGs. This is so HARD!!! So like, does this mean I can’t get that Shut Down the School of the Assasins Shirt? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/36 "2002-07-04T22:03:15Z")
1. Richard Nixon was a decent and honorable man who was hounded out of office over a minor mistatement of fact. 2. Bill Clinton was a vile and despicable man who _should_ have been hounded out of office because he lied to the American people. ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/37 "2002-07-04T22:09:13Z")
1. Even though Bill Clinton put mentally retarded prisoners to death as Governor of Arkansas, and as President pandered to all the folks who demanded a V-Chip and TV rating system, signed the 1996 welfare reform law, and pushed for NAFTA over the strenuous objections of organized labor, Bill Clinton is the epitome of all that is liberal. HE IS THE MOST ULTRA-LIBERAL LEFTIST IMAGINABLE. :eek: (After all, if Rush says so, it must be right.) 2. Of course, Hillary was the one who was really running the country during the Clinton administration, so we should blame her for anything evil that happened in the world during those years. However, this fact should not prevent us from also condemning Bill Clinton for everything evil that happened in the world during the tenure of the Clinton administration. 3. The mere fact that something may have happened before Bill Clinton was born doesn’t mean he is blameless for what happened. 4. If Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, or Dick Armey have an affair, divorce, or some other adverse domestic situation, they are still to be viewed as authorities on “family values”. 5. Participation of third party candidates in presidential elections: Ralph Nader GOOD, Pat Buchanan BAD ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/38 "2002-07-04T22:15:44Z")
P.S. My numbering begins after Lenin’s ended at 50b. We need to adjust this anarchic numbering system. Perhaps regard 51-55 as 53-57, while inserting elucidator’s rules as 51-52 (given that lenin had already stated rules 41 and 42)? Or perhaps renumber elucidator’s rules of presidential impeachment as 56-57? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/39 "2002-07-04T22:36:50Z")
System? System? We don’t need no _steeenking_ system! ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/40 "2002-07-04T22:57:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ModeratelyNuts \* > \*\*So what if someone has a legal firearm? So what if they don’t like homosexuals? So what? “Just because they are different from you doesn’t give you the right to hate them.” Ever hear that before? Lefties always pull that line. Maybe they should live by it when it comes to people on the right. \*\* I’ll agree with you on guns and SUVs, but it really fuckin’ pisses me off when people defend their intolerance by whining that theyre being discriminated against. “Oh, you’re so _intolerant_- you won’t let me beat that gay guy to death with a baseball bat. Whaa whaa, boo fuckin’ hoo.” “Oh, you’re so intolerant, you won’t let me indoctrinate your children into my religion, waa waa, boo fuckin’ hoo” Here’s a real simple rule for you- your right to expect others to respect your beliefs/lifestyle/choices etc… ends when you quit respecting others. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312.md?page=3)