# Guess what? I'm a REPUBLICAN!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 4, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312 "2002-07-04T03:56:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stafford_cripps/32/7167_2.png) [@The\_Stafford\_Cripps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stafford_Cripps)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/41 "2002-07-05T00:08:56Z")
I was going to write much the same as grendel72; we’re expressing our views in a political debate, not advocating the restriction of someone else’s human rights. I get pissed off when you question somebody’s views or judgement and they say “Oh, don’t I have a right to freedom of speech?” Fuck off; it’s _you_ who is advocating the denial of _my_ freedom of speech. We’re actually the ones who are with Voltaire in believing that you should have the right to state your shitty views. This “right” does not mean that no-one is allowed to disagree with you, or that the government can’t legitimately pursue a different policy. For the record I don’t regard this as a specifically right-wing trait, nor do I go around stating my opinion on everybody’s actions (my flatmates may disagree with that assertion). ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/42 "2002-07-05T00:19:45Z")
And you must, of course, become very thin-skinned about your dignity and abandon any sense of humor. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/43 "2002-07-05T00:29:09Z")
So like, threads like this are out then? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/44 "2002-07-05T00:39:37Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t want to be a 'pubby! I want to play SW RPGs. That’s good, because all those Ignorant, Dishonest, Godless Commie Trekkies are all Democrats. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/45 "2002-07-05T00:54:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*So like, threads like this are out then? \*\* Just so. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/46 "2002-07-05T01:03:53Z")
You might want to re-think this whole thing **Guinn** For instance, have you considered whether or not you would be comfortable with the, uh, _limitations_ of Republican sexual behavior? If you can’t picture Ann Coulter doing a particular thing, its probably “off the menu”, so to speak. There is no accredited mental health treatment for Republicanism. I got better myself due to a rigorous application of sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. Up from Objectivism, so to speak. And if it doesn’t work, well, I mean, what the hell, you know? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/47 "2002-07-05T01:15:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\* > If you can’t picture Ann Coulter doing a particular thing, its probably “off the menu”, so to speak. \*\* I can picture Ann Coulter doing all manner of things, but I don’t want to. :o 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ennui](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ennui/32/3396_2.png) [@Ennui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ennui)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/48 "2002-07-05T01:55:29Z")
An intrepid hitch hiker walks beside a nearly abandoned stretch of rural highway deep in the middle of nowhere. It’s was too early in the day for the sky to be getting dark so the heavy clouds above might be holding some rain. It had been an hour since the last car had passed him and he despaired of getting a ride. Just then a car pull up to him and shouted through a half rolled window “Are you a democrat or a republican?” The hitch hiker proudly replied “democrat” and the driver said “Walk bum” and drove off. The wind was picking up and the hitch hiker plodded down the road with his thumb out and waited another hour till another car came by. As it pulled over the window came down and again was heard “Are you a democrat or a republican?” Well, our man had marched in the '60s and avoided grapes in the '70s and was too principled to lie so replied “democrat.” As that car drove off without him it began to drizzle. As the next hour proceeded that light drizzle progressed into a steady downpour and what started as a tickle in the back of his throat was quickly becoming a hacking cough. Just then another car pulled over, driven by the most beautiful woman you’re ever likely to see on a nearly deserted back stretch of rural road. She called out to our hitch hiker “democrat or republican ?” Uncertain if it was the fear that the inclimate weather might turn a chest cold into walking pneumonia or the unquestioned allure of the lovely driver but our man heard himself croak out “republican.” “Well you just hop on in then” and they were off down the road. Only a few minutes passed before his political conscience caught up with him and he asked the driver to let him out. When asked why he replied “look lady, I’ve only been a republican for fifteen minutes and I already feel like screwing somebody.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/49 "2002-07-05T02:05:27Z")
Hmmm…well, let’s see…I do like watching King of the Hill…does that count? ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/50 "2002-07-05T02:19:13Z")
1. The Constitution is not to be taken seriously, except for the second and fifth amendments. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Kahuna_Burger)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/51 "2002-07-05T02:23:58Z")
Phil Gramm is being driven across rural Texas by his personal driver on a rainy day when he hears a WHAM and the car comes to a halt. They’ve run over a pig, and the driver can see a farmhouse in the distance. The car isn’t damaged too badly, but Gramm fears that this could be bad publicity if someone finds out, so he sends the driver over to tell the family in the farmhouse what happened to their pig. He falls asleep waiting in the car for the driver, and when he gets back to wake Gramm it’s morning again. Gramm yells, “Where the hell were you?!” The driver replies, “Well, first the family gave me some dry clothes because I had walked so far in the rain. Then they made about the nicest dinner I’ve ever seen for me. And last night I had sex with their really hot daughter.” Gramm is puzzled. “Why the hell did that happen?” The driver shrugs. Gramm then asks, “Well, what did you say to them?” The driver says, “Well, when I walked in I said I’d been driving Phil Gramm around all day and I ran over the pig.” OK, not a Republican joke per se, but I’m angry at Gramm because I learned he wants to put a Ronald Reagan Monument on the National Mall. Just saying that gives me nausea. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/52 "2002-07-05T03:10:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NutWrench \* > \*\*56) The Constitution is not to be taken seriously, except for the second and fifth amendments. \*\* 56b) And the fifth amendment should only take effect in trials for white-collar crimes that involve large sums of money. Otherwise anyone who does not want to talk is obviously guilty and should be publically executed immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Daikona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@Daikona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daikona)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/53 "2002-07-05T06:25:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Moto \* > \*\*We’re right on more issues than the Democrats, and we’re growing! \*\* :rolleyes: I must have missed the memo where ‘what Mr Moto thinks’ became inarguably right. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \* > \*\*Wow, this thread didn’t turn into nothing more than a vehicle for people to snipe at the Evil Republicans[sup]TM[/sup]. Right. > > The only thing that I’ll say is that the Republican leadership seems to be woefully and profoundly out of synch with all registered Republicans I know personally. And I live in a County that is about 75%-80% Republican, IIRC. > \*\* Yes… but what Joe Blow from East Armpit thinks doesn’t end up being forced on me, since he doesn’t make the laws. Maybe if they disagree so much with what Republicans politicians do, they should do something insane like _not vote for them_, rather than vote for them and then insist they don’t really believe all that stuff. Then maybe I’d believe them. \*\* > [@](#): > > For example, I don’t know a _single_ Republican IRL who believes that the Government should mandate sexual behavior, should discourage gays and lesbians from being full partners with full rights in society, should uphold any religion over any other (or make any religion part of their party platform), or that feel that abortion should even be part of a party platform. The vast, vast majority of them are in favor of moderate gun control and are not NRA members, do not think that flag burning is something that needs an Amendment or law to ban it; and feel that the government must do a great deal more to protect the environment, reduce energy consumption, and enact more workplace and career safety measures. \*\* ok, first off, you have very unusual ‘Republicans’ where you live. Secondly, and more importantly, I ask again. If these people disagree with that many of the major platforms of the republican party, why the hell are they voting for them? If you think there should be some degree of gun control, there shouldn’t be enforced christianity, gays should have rights, the environment needs protecting, and abortion should be left alone, why the fuck would you repeatedly vote for a party that opposes every bit of that? ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/54 "2002-07-05T07:42:32Z")
Not sure about the numbering, but I’d like to toss out the following variation on #32: 1. Racism is dead, and those niggers have nothing to complain about any more. (Stolen from Molly Ivens courtesy of _The Way Things Aren’t,_ FAIR’s annotation of Rush Limbaugh’s lies and errors) ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/55 "2002-07-05T09:05:49Z")
> [@](#): > > I must have missed the memo where ‘what Mr Moto thinks’ became inarguably right. Hey, if a Republican said it, you can bet your boots you can believe it! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/56 "2002-07-05T12:55:38Z")
**manhattan** has it wrong. _Republicans_ tend to slice, Democrats hook. Anyway, **Guinastasia** you have my sympathy. I’ve just been accused on another forum of being a tree-hugger, so my reputation is also pretty well shot now. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*And you must, of course, become very thin-skinned about your dignity and abandon any sense of humor. \*\* What’s that smiley for extreme irony overdose? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/57 "2002-07-05T13:14:57Z")
What I think isn’t inarguably right. It is right, though. Let’s argue. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![zut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zut/32/2875_2.png) [@zut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zut)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/58 "2002-07-05T13:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mr. Moto_ > We’re right on more issues than the Democrats, and we’re growing! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daikona \* [in response to the above] > :rolleyes: > I must have missed the memo where ‘what Mr Moto thinks’ became inarguably right. Oh, c’mon **Daikona** , that statement most certainly does _not_ deserve a rolleyes. Seems to me that any Republican that can pop into this thread and participate with the same all-in-good-fun spirit that everyone else is, then that’s commendable. I don’t see why a simple spirited defense deserves a critique. Particularly since, in light of **elucidator** ’s unnumbered rule (“And you must, of course, become very thin-skinned about your dignity and abandon any sense of humor”), **Mr. Moto** ’s probably a closet Democrat anyway. And, just to keep in the spirit of things: 57) States rights are of paramount importance, except when they get in the way of Republican goals, in which case said goals are a federal issue anyway. 58) In the same way, judicial activism is just plain evil, unless it serves to advance a Republican agenda, in which case it’s called “correction of past judicial activism”. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/59 "2002-07-05T13:42:07Z")
It’s that dyed-in-the-wool Republicans shouldn’t work to correct their slices, they should _glory_ in them. In the most ideologically correct, a drive ideally should be started two fairways over, describing a right-angle parabola and winding up in the correct fairway. But never into the woods, where you might wind up being corrupted by tree-huggers. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312/60 "2002-07-05T14:17:47Z")
Closet Democrat? Nope, Republican (actually, conservative Republican) all my life. I was raised in a Democratic area, though, in a mostly Democratic family. I understand Democrats and like most of them, but wouldn’t be one to save my life. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guess-what-im-a-republican/117312.md?page=4)