# Gum Chewers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 26, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562 "2010-06-26T02:55:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/1 "2010-06-26T02:55:34Z")
I pit gum chewers. 1. You look like a fucking cow chewing their cud, and have a facial expression that looks about as intelligent. 2. You are addicted to a behavior that is completely unnecessary. 3. If you are one of those morons who continuously snaps and pops your gum, you are an antisocial tard who is doing it just to annoy other people. 4. You are responsible for the Chicago Cubs. 5. Most of You are as bad as smokers, who treat the world as your ashtray, tossing your gum on the ground the moment you are done with it. I can forgive numbers one through four, well, maybe not number four, but number five is the last straw. Riding home on my bicycle from the grocery store, with a backpack full of groceries, my front tire picked up one of your disgusting wads that you saw fit to spit into the middle of the street, and brought my front wheel to a dead halt when your offal wedged between my tire and fork, causing me to pitch over the bars. I now have major road rash on my face, a sprained and possibly fractured wrist, loose teeth, jaw pain, and you have reactivated my old knee injury. Your disgusting gum was shredded into fine thread which now decorates my wheels, frame and handlebars. Fuck you, gum chewers. Fuck you with Satan’s thorny dick. If a car had been coming behind me, I might not even be able to post this, as I might be in the hospital or the morgue. As it is, I am typing with one hand, and debating whether to go to the ER to have my wrist and knee x-rayed. Wise up. People with class and breeding don’t chew gum. It is a filthy habit, practiced by low types. If you must constantly do something with your mouth, I suggest you take up smoking, at least the rest of us will get some tax revenue. I have never been thrown off my bicycle by a cigarette butt, and there is the added benefit that you will die sooner and the planet will be rid of your sorry, orally fixated ass. Alternatively, you can suck my dick. Gum. I hope you choke on it. And you broke most of my eggs. ---
**Author:** ![SoulFrost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f07891/32.png) [@SoulFrost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoulFrost)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/2 "2010-06-26T03:08:22Z")
GUM stopped your bike? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/3 "2010-06-26T03:11:39Z")
That’s a huge hunk of gum. Did someone spit an entire pack of dentyne on the ground? ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/4 "2010-06-26T03:24:43Z")
Wow. And I thought I hated dog shit. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/5 "2010-06-26T03:25:05Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > Riding home on my bicycle from the grocery store, with a backpack full of groceries, my front tire picked up one of your disgusting wads that you saw fit to spit into the middle of the street, and brought my front wheel to a dead halt when your offal wedged between my tire and fork, causing me to pitch over the bars. You sure it wasn’t the retread off a truck tire? Gum? Seriously? ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/6 "2010-06-26T03:32:18Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > That’s a huge hunk of gum. Did someone spit an entire pack of dentyne on the ground? I am not sure how it happened, it doesn’t take much if it wedges between you brake pad and the rim where there is very little clearance. There was a big wad between the tire and the fork, but it didn’t seem to be enough to stop the tire. There are threads of the disgusting shit all over my spokes and frame, even the rear wheel. > [@Frank](#): > > Gum? Seriously? I wouldn’t have believed it either, but it is definitely gum. Smells like mint flavor, and strands are all over my bike. I wonder if it behaves like a non newtonian fluid. I can’t understand how something that pliable could stop my front wheel like that. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/7 "2010-06-26T03:37:28Z")
This makes me want to buy some gum. ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/8 "2010-06-26T03:43:01Z")
Try it again but get video this time. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/9 "2010-06-26T03:47:28Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > Try it again but get video this time. It would have been great on YouTube! Alas no video. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/10 "2010-06-26T03:53:05Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > This makes me want to buy some gum. Just so you know, there is a $1000 fine for littering in California. But as a gum chewer, I don’t expect you to be intelligent enough to care. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/11 "2010-06-26T04:00:06Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > I wouldn’t have believed it either, but it is definitely gum. Smells like mint flavor, and strands are all over my bike. That should be enough, including enough spit, for you to get DNA from it that could be matched to a suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/12 "2010-06-26T04:01:30Z")
> [@t-bonham@scc.net](#): > > That should be enough, including enough spit, for you to get DNA from it that could be matched to a suspect. Do you think the cops would bother? I mean, this IS the Burbank, CA PD we are talking about here. Their priorities are all about busting people for DWB and covering up each other’s crimes. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/13 "2010-06-26T04:01:45Z")
> [@Stan\_Shmenge](#): > > Just so you know, there is a $1000 fine for littering in California. But as a gum chewer, I don’t expect you to be intelligent enough to care. Ew, like I’d want to live in California. People there are so retarded they can’t even dodge a piece of gum big enough to flip them over their handlebars. Still, I’d have loved to be working in the emergency department when you came crying in. Also, it’d be worth every penny of that thousand dollars if I’d have been able to see it. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/14 "2010-06-26T04:06:35Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Ew, like I’d want to live in California. People there are so retarded they can’t even dodge a piece of gum big enough to flip them over their handlebars. > > Still, I’d have loved to be working in the emergency department when you came crying in. Yes, California is a terrible place to live, please tell all your friends, and never come here. And a fractured carpal bone, some of which, due to poor blood supply, sometimes never heals and can cause permanent disability, is real fucking funny. As someone who makes their living with computers as a freelancer, it could throw me into the street. Lotta laughs! Go fuck yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/15 "2010-06-26T04:08:52Z")
There’s a special circle in hell for those who chew gum with their mouths open. Disgusting cretins. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/16 "2010-06-26T04:09:08Z")
If you get thrown into the street, post from the library so we know it. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/17 "2010-06-26T04:09:54Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > There’s a special circle in hell for those who chew gum with their mouths open. Disgusting cretins. Snap snap POP! ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/18 "2010-06-26T04:11:11Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > If you get thrown into the street, post from the library so we know it. You should be sleeping with the fishes. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/19 "2010-06-26T04:13:38Z")
Hey are you still temping at the grocery store? ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562/20 "2010-06-26T04:14:15Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > Hey are you still temping at the grocery store? Butthurt retail worker is butthurt. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/gum-chewers/544562.md?page=2)