# Guns Are Evil! Ban Them! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 26, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327 "2004-02-26T19:44:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Uncivil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ccd318/32.png) [@Uncivil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncivil)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/1 "2004-02-26T19:44:52Z")
Guns are evil, and should be banned completely. All armies should be de-militirised and re-equipped with fluffy cushions to hurl at each other. Hollywood should be ashamed of their ceaseless promotion of firearms, and should be forced to digitally edit out any trace of guns from their films. This could be easily done without compromising their artistic integrity. For example, in westerns the guns in the cowboys’ holsters could easily be replaced with shoes, which they could quickly throw at each other. The “quick on the draw” concept would live on unspoiled by this new interpretation. Hard-Boiled should be remade so the fighters simply hurl eggs at each other. There is no film that couldn’t be enhanced in this way. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/2 "2004-02-26T19:47:20Z")
Dude, I’d lighten up on the fibre if I were you. 😃 Besides, guns should be replaced by pies, not shoes. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/3 "2004-02-26T19:51:57Z")
And in _Tora! Tora! Tora!_, I guess the Japanese can drop Betamax players on the USS Arizona, and strafe the airfields with Pachinko balls. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Uncivil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ccd318/32.png) [@Uncivil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncivil)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/4 "2004-02-26T19:53:55Z")
Whoops, wrong forum, this should have gone in GD… ---
**Author:** ![Uncivil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ccd318/32.png) [@Uncivil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncivil)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/5 "2004-02-26T19:57:23Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Besides, guns should be replaced by pies, not shoes. Pffft, that would just turn it into a farce. ---
**Author:** ![Adjustable\_Beavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Adjustable\_Beavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adjustable_Beavis)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/6 "2004-02-26T21:36:25Z")
Just replace the bullets and bombs with cotton balls. ---
**Author:** ![Petter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Petter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petter)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/7 "2004-02-26T22:06:17Z")
> [@Uncivil](#): > > Whoops, wrong forum, this should have gone in GD… No, I’m pretty sure you posted it in the correct forum. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/8 "2004-02-26T22:34:51Z")
> [@Uncivil](#): > > Guns are evil, and should be banned completely. All armies should be de-militirised and re-equipped with fluffy cushions to hurl at each other. I beg to differ. Armies should be equipped with those ‘giant-sized Q-tips’ they call “pugil sticks”. Have you ever flung a fluffy cusion at someone? It’s okay. Have you ever fought someone with a pugil stick? Now _that’s_ some f\*ckin’ fun warfare. Tripler I can only dream of the day it happens. . . 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/9 "2004-02-26T22:51:47Z")
> [@Uncivil](#): > > Pffft, that would just turn it into a farce. Replace guns with chicken cannons. That’ll turn it into an Air Farce 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/10 "2004-02-27T08:39:49Z")
**Uncivil** …are you actually vehemantly anti-gun yourself, or are you making fun of anti-gun people? That’s not meant to be an insult…I just honestly can’t tell anymore. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/11 "2004-02-27T11:58:57Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > Have you ever fought someone with a pugil stick? Now _that’s_ some f\*ckin’ fun warfare. Pugil Sticks are HARD! Wars would be very short. I just about got knocked the f\*\*\* out pretty early in one fight, and was pretty down on myself, until the guy who whooped me ended up whooping each and every person in the Company. I felt better getting my ass handed to me by the Champion. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/12 "2004-02-27T12:11:49Z")
I think we need to take this one step further - instead of cotton balls (someone might choke on them), the combatants should taunt each other with hurtful poems. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/13 "2004-02-27T13:15:26Z")
> [@Uncivil](#): > > Whoops, wrong forum, this should have gone in GD… Nice strawman you’ve built there. :rolleyes: Your heavy sarcasm, coupled with the pretty much guaranteed responses that will follow, make me think that The BBQ Pit is the place for this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/14 "2004-02-27T13:27:05Z")
What sarcasm? ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/15 "2004-02-27T13:32:49Z")
> [@UncleBill](#): > > Pugil Sticks are HARD! Wars would be very short. I just about got knocked the f\*\*\* out pretty early in one fight, and was pretty down on myself, until the guy who whooped me ended up whooping each and every person in the Company. I felt better getting my ass handed to me by the Champion. I was pretty good with those things when I was in the army. I can’t remember ever losing, or even getting hit hard. There is nothing like seeing a guys helmet go flying when you poked him hard in the head, Hehe! ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/16 "2004-02-27T14:06:39Z")
The OP is a complete and utter putz. This has been a Guaranteed Response™. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/17 "2004-02-27T14:10:34Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I think we need to take this one step further - instead of cotton balls (someone might choke on them), the combatants should taunt each other with hurtful poems. I think this has possibilities … \*In the news today: diplomats are negotiating with India and Pakistan to prevent the exchange of limericks along the Kashmiri border from developing into full-fledged sonnets … The conflict in central Africa has reached its fourth stanza with no end in sight … And the UN has sent negotiators in another attempt to resolve the long-standing epic poetry in the Middle East … \* Yes, it sounds like a good idea to me. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/18 "2004-02-27T14:12:26Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I think we need to take this one step further - instead of cotton balls (someone might choke on them), the combatants should taunt each other with hurtful poems. Nah, we all need to develop our own versions of The Joke. ---
**Author:** ![MMI](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/53a042/32.png) [@MMI](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MMI)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/19 "2004-02-27T14:22:00Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I think we need to take this one step further - instead of cotton balls (someone might choke on them), the combatants should taunt each other with hurtful poems. I don’t know about this if we are seeking to make war more humane. Listening to vast quantities of poorly written poems could be extremely painful. Unless the goal is to be a deterrent - some sort of mutually assured pentamer. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327/20 "2004-02-27T14:46:11Z")
> [@UncleBill](#): > > Pugil Sticks are HARD! Wars would be very short. I just about got knocked the f\*\*\* out pretty early in one fight, and was pretty down on myself, until the guy who whooped me ended up whooping each and every person in the Company. I felt better getting my ass handed to me by the Champion. When I first read this, I thought “Dude, what company do you work for?”, and had visions of middle aged men in three piece suits battling each other while the Star Trek battle music a la _Gamesters of Triskelion_ played in the background… Then I realized you probably meant company in the military sense of the word. Then I found a mirror and laughed and pointed at myself. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. When come gunfight, bring pie. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-are-evil-ban-them/231327.md?page=2)