# Guns! on Mars!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [August 24, 2015, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710 "2015-08-24T12:32:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/1 "2015-08-24T12:32:25Z")
I picked up a copy of **The Wizard of Mars** over the weekend. I’;d heard of this 1965 film, but never seen it. It has wonderfully bad dialogue (“Other people go to the Moon. _WE_ had to go to Mars!”) and awful special effects. But I was particularly struck by an odd detail. It’s another case of Guns on Mars.
If you’re going to be on the First Expedition to Mars, one of the things you probably wouldn’t want to bring would be a gun. It has no conceivable use, and it might go off, which would be a Bad Thing in a pressurized vehicle that you don’t want to have leaks in. But, for some reason, even some of the better science fiction films of the 1950s and 1960s about The First Expredition to Mars gives our intrepid astronauts guns. The fact that they sometimes end up with a plausible reason to use them is no excuse – they couldn’t have known that when they were packing for the trip.
**Robinson Crusoe on mars** – Byron Haskin’s 1964 film that is actually pretty good. That Paul Mantee has a gun does this film no favors.
**It! The Terror from Beyond Space** – the film from which _Alien_ was ripped off. Pretty decent SF from noted SF writer Jerome Bixby, but, boy, is it dated. Smoking cigarettes on a space ship? When they sit down to eat, it’s the women who serve the food? But the worst lapse is that, not only does this second expedition to Mars have guns (so did the first, as they point out), they also carry grenades!! Why? Even worse, they use both the guns and the grenades _on board their ship_!
**Angry Red Planet** – Okay, in this one it’s a super-scientific Sonic Gun, but it’s still a gun. It’s a good thing they had it, because it turns out to be the perfect thing for killing Woman-Eating Plants and blinding Rat-Bat-Spiders. Unfortunately, it does diddley against Giant Space Amoebas.
and now, of course, **The Wizard of Mars** features a gun, which they use against the Giant Martian Canal Maggots, and also to shoot off in frustration.
I’ll betcha any money the new film of _The Martian_ won’t feature any guns.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/2 "2015-08-24T12:36:20Z")
The first robot we sent to Mars is armed with a laser, so we’re heading in the right direction.
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### Author:  [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/3 "2015-08-24T13:28:41Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> I’ll betcha any money the new film of _The Martian_ won’t feature any guns.
Well, in the novel Mark watches **The Dukes of Hazzard** on Mars, so it’s possible they’ll show Sheriff Coltrane with one at some point. (The Dukes used bows and arrows.) But yeah, even then guns probably won’t be featured.
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### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/4 "2015-08-24T13:32:46Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> If you’re going to be on the First Expedition to Mars, one of the things you probably wouldn’t want to bring would be a gun. It has no conceivable use
That’s just silly. What if you get to Mars and you run into [Devil Girls From Mars\*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil_Girl_from_Mars')? How do you plan to defeat them? Hmmmm? Tell me that, Mister Meacham.
\*Nyah was only one. There had to be more.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/5 "2015-08-24T13:51:21Z")
> [@Fenris](#):
>
> That’s just silly. What if you get to Mars and you run into [Devil Girls From Mars\*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil_Girl_from_Mars')? How do you plan to defeat them? Hmmmm? Tell me that, Mister Meacham.
>
> \*Nyah was only one. There had to be more.
That’s different. The Devil Girl from Mars came to Earth, sol we knew she was there, so we’d have a reason to bring guns to Mars.
Just like in the 1960s Topps card series **Mars Attacks!** , we knew there were hostile Martians up there, so when we sent the Earth Invasion Force up there they brought guns:
[https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images;\_ylt=AwrBT8o1INtVc5MAzXVXNyoA;\_ylu=X3oDMTEyNWxxYW41BGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMyBHZ0aWQDQjAzNjdfMQRzZWMDc2M-?p=Mars+Attacks+Cards+Smashing+the+Martians&fr=yfp-t-412#id=0&iurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn3.volusion.com%2Fjants.petuy%2Fv%2Fvspfiles%2Fphotos%2F19048-2.jpg&action=click](https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images;_ylt=AwrBT8o1INtVc5MAzXVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEyNWxxYW41BGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMyBHZ0aWQDQjAzNjdfMQRzZWMDc2M-?p=Mars+Attacks+Cards+Smashing+the+Martians&fr=yfp-t-412#id=0&iurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn3.volusion.com%2Fjants.petuy%2Fv%2Fvspfiles%2Fphotos%2F19048-2.jpg&action=click)
Similarly, in the 1898 unauthorized sequel to _War of the Worlds_, Garrett Serviss in **Thomas Edison’s Conquest of Mars** has the titular inventor come up with the “Disintegrator Beam” (the first time that term was used) to counteract H.G. Wells’ Martian Heat Gun, so we could go to Mars and conquer them there.
> **[Edison's Conquest of Mars](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edison%27s_Conquest_of_Mars)**
>
> Edison's Conquest of Mars is an 1898 science fiction novel by American astronomer and writer Garrett P. Serviss. It was written as a sequel to Fighters from Mars, an unauthorized and heavily altered version of H. G. Wells's 1897 story The War of the Worlds. It has a place in the history of science fiction for its early employment of themes and motifs that later became staples of the genre.
> The book features Thomas Edison as the primary character, though neither Edison nor H. G. Wells were invo...
But in the cases I cited it was our _first_ expedition to Mars, and we had no reason to expect hostility. So why bring guns?
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### Author:  [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/6 "2015-08-24T13:56:11Z")
Magellan, Cook, and Hudson had no reason to expect hostility either. Look what happened.
Of course, sometimes the hostility was from their own crews. But it was still hostility.
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### Author:  [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/7 "2015-08-24T14:24:07Z")
Well, they had [guns](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TP-82) on Soyuz craft, until 2007 apparently. Granted, it’s not for aliens, it’s for survival in the event of landing in the wrong part of Siberia. But it’s not far-fetched for a spacecraft of the time to have a gun.
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### Author:  [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/8 "2015-08-24T14:43:01Z")
In the classic Abbott and Costello Go to Mars, while they are in outer space, Costello fires a gun at one of the bad guys who have stowed away in the rocket ship. The bullet simply drops to the floor, “because they have moved away from Earth’s gravity,” IIRC.
And, despite the title, ‘alien planets’ that rocket ends up visiting are actually Venus and. . . Earth! They land in New Orleans around Mardi Gras time and think the costumers are aliens.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/9 "2015-08-24T17:28:55Z")
> [@scabpicker](#):
>
> Well, they had [guns](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TP-82) on Soyuz craft, until 2007 apparently. Granted, it’s not for aliens, it’s for survival in the event of landing in the wrong part of Siberia. But it’s not far-fetched for a spacecraft of the time to have a gun.
That’s the excuse Heinlein gave for having guns aboard _Rocket Ship Galileo_, but it always seemed a little too pat. Interesting to know that the Russians actually used the same reasoning.
I wonder if they read Heinlein.
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/10 "2015-08-24T17:32:23Z")
You sure about that? I remember the scene in _Rocket Ship Galileo_ as using a gas canister, and him switching to a gun for _Destination Moon_ (which was to be made into a movie) because he thought that it would be more familiar to audiences (reinforced by the Daffy Duck short shown in the movie).
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### Author:  [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/11 "2015-08-24T17:33:11Z")
Well, you need handguns for hunting rabbits, rifles for hunting deer or caribou, and grenades to fend off bears and big cats.
🙂
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### Author:  [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/12 "2015-08-24T17:33:13Z")
Having a gun to deal with Moon Nazis is just common sense. Mars Nazis would be ridiculous though.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/13 "2015-08-24T17:35:46Z")
> [@Lemur866](#):
>
> Having a gun to deal with Moon Nazis is just common sense. Mars Nazis would be ridiculous though.
What about Mars Godless Commies?
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### Author:  [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/14 "2015-08-24T17:39:15Z")
It is the Red Planet, after all.
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### Author:  [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/15 "2015-08-24T17:44:35Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> That’s the excuse Heinlein gave for having guns aboard _Rocket Ship Galileo_, but it always seemed a little too pat. Interesting to know that the Russians actually used the same reasoning.
>
> I wonder if they read Heinlein.
Why the incredulity? The Mercury spacecraft carried survival knives for the same reason. I can’t link to it from my phone, but I have seen a photo of Gordon Cooper examining one, in the book _We Seven_. Granted, it wasn’t a gun but a Bowie knife with compass, fishing line, matches, etc., but the reasoning was the same: a survival tool if the capsule came down in the boonies.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/16 "2015-08-24T17:51:05Z")
> [@mbh](#):
>
> It is the Red Planet, after all.
Good point.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/17 "2015-08-24T18:14:26Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#):
>
> Why the incredulity? The Mercury spacecraft carried survival knives for the same reason. I can’t link to it from my phone, but I have seen a photo of Gordon Cooper examining one, in the book _We Seven_. Granted, it wasn’t a gun but a Bowie knife with compass, fishing line, matches, etc., but the reasoning was the same: a survival tool if the capsule came down in the boonies.
Knives are one thing, guns quite another. You can use knives in all sorts of survival situations that don’t involve hostile people trying to kill you. Gins, on the other hand, essentially assume that people or animals are going to try to hurt you. But the manned missions were VERY closely watched. It’s hard to believe John Glenn was going to have to fight off cannibals. Or man-eating crocagators.
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### Author:  [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/18 "2015-08-24T18:21:33Z")
Even better, in [King Dinosaur](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Dinosaur) (1955), not only do they bring rifles, but also a _small nuclear weapon._
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/19 "2015-08-24T18:24:12Z")
Yes, but did they have a nuclear hand grenade?
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [August 24, 2015, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guns-on-mars/728710/20 "2015-08-24T18:46:07Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> Knives are one thing, guns quite another. You can use knives in all sorts of survival situations that don’t involve hostile people trying to kill you. Gins, on the other hand, essentially assume that people or animals are going to try to hurt you. But the manned missions were VERY closely watched. It’s hard to believe John Glenn was going to have to fight off cannibals.
But if he did, he would be very glad to have it.
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