# Guy shoots off his own testicle, blames ninjas **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 20, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465 "2013-03-20T16:57:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/1 "2013-03-20T16:57:14Z")
What the thread title says. Beautiful in its simplicity… > **[Cops: Teen who said Ninjas did it shot himself](https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2013-03-16-chi-cops-teen-shot-himself-after-giving-masked-men-account-20130316-story.html)** > **[Teen Shoots Himself in Groin, Blames Ninjas](https://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/teen-shoots-himself-in-groin-blames-ninjas/2052447/)** > > An Elmwood Park teen who was injured in a shooting Friday is believed to have shot himself, officials said. _ **Always Expect Ninjas!** _ XD ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/2 "2013-03-20T21:23:23Z")
He was trying to impress the ladies. Naturally. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/3 "2013-03-20T21:44:15Z")
They’ll really be impressed with his groin scars, and possible lack of one of his nuts. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/4 "2013-03-20T21:50:55Z")
Don’t be fooled! This kid is going to grow up to be the next Hitler! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/5 "2013-03-20T22:42:19Z")
Ninjas don’t use guns. I suspect he might be lying. Or facing a whole new dangerous breed of ninjas ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/6 "2013-03-21T02:47:31Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Ninjas don’t use guns. I suspect he might be lying. Or facing a whole new dangerous breed of ninjas [Kunoichi](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kunoichi). > [@](#): > > Kunoichi (くノ一?) is the term for a female ninja or practitioner of ninjutsu (ninpo). ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/7 "2013-03-21T02:55:57Z")
> [@](#): > > After police received the information, police went to the alleged shooting scene but could not find any evidence of the shooting. In addition, the police interviewed potential witnesses and reviewed surveillance video but failed to find any evidence of the attack Duh, ninjas. And when the police came back and questioned the guy a second time, he changed his story and said he shot himself in the crotch. I think it’s pretty clear the ninjas went to the hospital and told him to say that. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/8 "2013-03-21T03:13:15Z")
Speaking of phony police reports, I just ran across this: [http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/2013/03/two-men-shot-and-killed-themselves-after-interrupted-during-ellis-county-burglary-wednesday.html/](http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/2013/03/two-men-shot-and-killed-themselves-after-interrupted-during-ellis-county-burglary-wednesday.html/) “One of the suspects was found dead in an adjacent field. He had several gunshot wounds and is believed to have shot himself.” ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/9 "2013-03-21T03:46:00Z")
Goddamn, another gun nut. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/10 "2013-03-21T07:32:37Z")
It takes a nut to do something like that. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/11 "2013-03-21T10:34:22Z")
Life with one testicle beats walking around half cocked. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/12 "2013-03-21T11:30:40Z")
> [@Lancia](#): > > He was trying to impress the ladies. Naturally. The come-on: “It was This-Big… but that’s the one that got away…” :smack: and the come-back: “Oh, yeah? Well you should see the Other guy…” ☹ “On the ground over there… what the hell is that? Calamari?” “Don’t touch that…!” ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/13 "2013-03-21T13:32:21Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Ninjas don’t use guns. I suspect he might be lying. James Bond and Tiger Tanaka would [beg to differ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLJ5PTyGXcY#t=2m14s). ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/14 "2013-03-21T16:38:01Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > Speaking of phony police reports, I just ran across this: > > [http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/2013/03/two-men-shot-and-killed-themselves-after-interrupted-during-ellis-county-burglary-wednesday.html/](http://crimeblog.dallasnews.com/2013/03/two-men-shot-and-killed-themselves-after-interrupted-during-ellis-county-burglary-wednesday.html/) > > “One of the suspects was found dead in an adjacent field. He had several gunshot wounds and is believed to have shot himself.” Sounds like he got shot a few times by the homeowner he was trying to rob, ran into a field, and decided to kill himself then and there. Several gunshot wounds, shot himself. ---
**Author:** ![LawMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@LawMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LawMonkey)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/15 "2013-03-21T17:15:28Z")
But at least he was able to stop them from kidnapping [President Ronnie](http://baddudesvsdragonninja.com/kidnapped.jpg)! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-shoots-off-his-own-testicle-blames-ninjas/653465/16 "2013-03-22T18:24:22Z")
> [@Duke\_of\_Rat](#): > > Several gunshot wounds, shot himself. He was probably trying to make sure so he fanned the trigger.