# Guy Stuff

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 19

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**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/361 "1999-11-12T22:56:00Z")

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Sealemon… icicle enema??? shouldnt you be taking to Satan about such things?

* * *

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

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**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/362 "1999-11-12T23:10:00Z")

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Did you say the keys are lost, UncleBeer? Damn…

Ok, remember what I said about the yellow wire? Now is the time to add teh yellow wire to the others. But we better move the Cowgod before we hotwire the sucker. Matter of fact, everybody better back away from the truck. I’m not \* exactly \* sure what this’ll do. It’ll either start the truck or blow it up.

Ready?

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**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/363 "1999-11-12T23:55:00Z")

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_ **dazed** _  
Oh… the Yellow one…Jeezzuuss K Wristwatch, that thing packs quite a punch! I guess hotwiring might be guy stuff. Where the hell are…Snow???

:::feels a stream of liquid coming from up above,on top of the truck:::

HeeeeeYYYY!!! Well, Uncle Beer, I’m sorry I interrupted your Piss Manifesto!

Man, I’m hungry…whasssthis? A pecan log? Uggghhh. it’s petrified…well, let’s just save it for Satan, heh, heh…

Guys? There’s a big moose nuzzling up to the deer head on the front of the…WOW! Will ya look at that! Moosies are quite…impressive…

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**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\
**Post date:** [November 12, 1999, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/364 "1999-11-12T23:55:00Z")

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Just make sure you get all the beer out first.

Okay, let 'er rip.

* * *

**Dopeler effect:**  
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

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**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/365 "1999-11-13T00:14:00Z")

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OK, it’s my truck, my responsibility.

(our father who art in heaven, hallowed be the name)

\< third person \> John touches the yellow wire to the the other 2 and runs like hell.

There is a long, rumbling explosion, launching into the air 3-4 forgotten cans of beer and 5-6 forgotten, passed out posters. A shaved pink creature, resembling a singed squid with 4 legs, is hurled into the nearby Stuckey’s. The moose, poor creature, thinking it has found its true love in the mounted deer’s head, is rolled end over end into a ditch. As the flames settle, the Teeming Millions stare in amazement at the truck, which is now scorched terribly… but the engine seems to be running. \< /third person \>

Well, are you going to just stand there or are we goin’ to Graceland?

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**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/366 "1999-11-13T00:17:00Z")

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\< third person \> John touches the yellow wire to the the other 2 and runs like hell.

There is a long, rumbling explosion, launching into the air 3-4 forgotten cans of beer and 5-6 forgotten, passed out posters. A shaved pink creature, resembling a singed squid with 4 legs, is hurled into the nearby Stuckey’s. As the flames settle, the Teeming Millions stare in amazement at the truck, which is now scorched terribly… but the engine seems to be running. \< /third person \>

“We apologize for the moose. Those responsible have been sacked.”

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**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/367 "1999-11-13T00:57:00Z")

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elelle cranes her neck, staring in hushed amazement as the still erect moose-member begins it’s descent…

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**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/368 "1999-11-13T01:21:00Z")

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No problemo, mis amigos. We can use my travel agent discount and rent a Winnebago. Who’s got room on their plastic?

Or not. Maybe we could settle here. Stick a flag in the ground, claim the land, and call it Ceciland…where men are men and women are never allowed to talk about menstrual caps.

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**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/369 "1999-11-13T01:56:00Z")

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- pulling the leaves out his ass \*

Holy Toledo !! Did they HAVE to be thorny ones ???

Uh, now that we’re without wheels and all… you think we might be able to borrow these police cars that are pulling up right now ? I’m sure they’ll get us across ANY border without any trouble.

- another BIG sip of Jack \*

G’morrning Ofser. Hows thingzz ? We seem to be lozzzzzt a bit here. Ya mind if we borrow that Chevy of yourzz ? What ?

_quickly pulls up trousers_

O that. Don’t worry. It’s a girl thing, evidently. You know how them women are. Complex, and stuff.

## Now how 'bout them wheels ?

Coldfire

* * *

“You know how complex women are”

- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/370 "1999-11-13T02:00:00Z")

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:::nudges Sue:::

Um, have I had too much beer, or is that moose flying?

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**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/371 "1999-11-13T05:31:00Z")

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Darn it, and I was going to make chocolate moose later…

_finds the cooking sherry and takes a swig_

* * *

Live a Lush Life  
Da Chef

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**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/372 "1999-11-13T14:02:00Z")

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Man. I had a dream _just like_ this the other night.

Wow. A flying, flaming, bald moose member. It’s sooo repulsive. And yet…strangely…attractive.

\< snaps out of it \> Wow. That’s some tequila! Where are my pants? \< pulls them up \>

And Falcon? I’m not done with you yet. One snowball just ain’t enough. Heh heh.

Let’s get some wheels! Graceland awaits!

\< takes another pull on the bottle. Pauses to fart reflectively)

Maybe we could replace the suspensions on them, slap some oversized tires on 'em and have our own Monster Truck Rally…

* * *

You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing.

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/373 "1999-11-13T14:58:00Z")

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:::::yawns & rubs eyes because she doesn’t have balls to scratch:::

Mornin’ all. I had the weirdest dream! There was this moose, and he was on fire, but he was \*flying,\*and…

:::sees smoking moose bits strewn about:::

Never mind. Is there any more beer? Or did that get blowed up too?

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**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/374 "1999-11-13T15:09:00Z")

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\< tosses Christi a bottle of Cuervo \>

We’ll have to make a beer run, I’m afraid.

In the meantime, is there any more shit we can blow up?

* * *

You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing.

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/375 "1999-11-13T15:17:00Z")

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Oh well. I guess Cuervo will just have to do.

:::scrapes some road salt off the still-smoldering truck, licks it, and chugs from the bottle:::

Okay! I’ve got matches and a travel bottle of hairspray. Let’s go light something on fire!

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**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/376 "1999-11-13T16:05:00Z")

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Hey look! Here comes someone! It’s a winnebago with something painted on the front…uh…lessee… “St. Alphonse’s Holy Riders”- with a little halo. And it looks like a nun’s driving! OOOOeeeeeee! Our prayers have been answered…

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**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/377 "1999-11-13T16:43:00Z")

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_yawn_ morning all… \<nails Captain Sealemon with a morning snowball?

* * *

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

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**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/378 "1999-11-13T17:14:00Z")

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Quick, Elelle! You distract those nuns with that moose dork, and I’ll grab the keys!

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**Author:** ![CanadianSue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@CanadianSue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanadianSue)\
**Post date:** [November 13, 1999, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/379 "1999-11-13T17:23:00Z")

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oooooh winging a mighty snowball at Captain Sealemon

* * *

“Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

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**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 1999, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/380 "1999-11-14T06:13:00Z")

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\< Grabbing Sue \>

It’s time to play that wonderful game Dunk The Canadian!

\< burys her in the snow \>

Ummm…guys? I might have gone overboard with the whole “setting shit on fire” stuff.

I think it’s time to get going.

I’ll help tie the nuns up.

* * *

You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing.

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