# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 28
**Author:** ![Kanooka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@Kanooka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kanooka)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/541 "1999-11-20T03:05:00Z")
MIDGET PORN?! HOW DID YOU GET AHOLD OF THAT? Give me that, I never signed the release forms… come on, come on, the female must have its way, it is almighty… …Wait, i forgot…I’m not a midget… I just say I am, I’m a total oxymoron! ---
**Author:** ![Kanooka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@Kanooka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kanooka)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/542 "1999-11-20T03:37:00Z")
Wow, nobody on this board at the moment? Fine. **hotwires somebody’s RV that she finds in the front yard** ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/543 "1999-11-20T03:51:00Z")
Hey, moderator, do you think maybe we could start a new thread. I think after 500 posts, it should be split off or something. ## BTW guys, it wasn’t very nice of you to hit me over the head with a bottle and then steal my beer truck. One minute I’m talking to you, the next minute I wake up and the parking lot is empty, except for a bunch of empties and some dead animal which I have been unable to identify. Shadowfox “We are what we pretend to be.” - Kurt Vonnegut ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/544 "1999-11-20T04:34:00Z")
;;;in a sweet mood;;; Here Schroedinger… here kitty kitty…c’mon Schroed… is he dead or alive??? What the fuck, pass the tequila!!! ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/545 "1999-11-20T05:50:00Z")
:::takes a brief break from his random firing::: Anybody hungry? I sure know I am. I brought some…stamps and a couple scratch and sniff stickers… :::grunts loudly and lights up his cigar:: I think…I should have left a message with the wife…I just don’t know which one to leave it with… ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/546 "1999-11-20T06:29:00Z")
{standing by road, thumb out) Okay, I had a life. It was feeble, but okay already, you corrupted me already. I tried for the Chicago (“Home of Cece” Vomit Fest) but bombed out. Real life is basically overrated, and if you can have a drunk chef turning out pork rinds using an acetylene torch in the back of a hijacked ambulance, you probably need a swacked out librarian, right? I have right here 3 bags of barbeque chips, a vat of dip, the inflatable sheep sent to me by Wally and a few others who will remain unnamed, a very scratchy tape of “1 bourbon, 1 scotch and 1 beer”, and a mixed case of Sam Adams, Boone’s Farm, Fennel Schnapps and EverClear. Oh, and sterno cans to cook any road kill along the way. So, gonna pick me up, or do I have to shoot out your tires? Veb ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/547 "1999-11-20T07:23:00Z")
Hop in, Veb. By the way, you’re driving. * * * This space for rent. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/548 "1999-11-20T13:45:00Z")
I’m driving too, Wally. Sue and Christi are driving also, when they’re not passed out. There’s a few others driving, but I’m not sure which ones are real, and which ones are haluceen…haluninot…which one’s aren’t real. Holy shit. Is that sterno? I’ve always wanted to try that! BTW Veb: Don’t look at the guy sitting on top of the ambulance. He…doesn’t like it very much. \< Looks away, scratching head \> * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/549 "1999-11-20T13:55:00Z")
What are the odds of a little trip to Michigan\>? Anyone with me? Oh Hell, I’m driving… ::Makes a left at Abuquerque:: * * * Yer pal, Satan ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/550 "1999-11-20T15:30:00Z")
When from out of the bright Saturday morning sun, an F-14 noses over. With 20 mm cannon blazing, the makeshift roadblock disintegrates. Sheriffs, state cops and agents from Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms scatter as their vehicles are ripped apart by the fusilade raining down from the mach-1.3 Tomcat. The ambulance’s makeshift radio crackles… “Satan you’re all clear through to Michigan. I’ve got your air cover. ChiefScott over.” ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/551 "1999-11-20T15:44:00Z")
WoooHooo! We got an air excort now! This really _is_ a mission from God! And, WoooHoooo! **#550!!!** * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/552 "1999-11-20T15:51:00Z")
Excorting is what I do best. I gotta free back seat and a carrier w/90+ aircraft fueled, armed and standing by. Anyone wanna play? ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/553 "1999-11-20T15:51:00Z")
Excorting is what I do best. I gotta free back seat and a carrier w/90+ aircraft fueled, armed and standing by. Anyone wanna play? ::rips off a cool Immelman:: ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/554 "1999-11-20T16:19:00Z")
“Damn you, keyboard! That’s an “S”, not a freakin’ “X”!” If you don’t mind vomet that smells like tequila all over your cockpit, then I’m there! \< Sealemon: misspelling with the best of them! \> * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/555 "1999-11-20T16:56:00Z")
You’re in the back, Seale. Pick a town, any town, and we’ll take it out. The difference between boys and men? The amount of damage their toys can do! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/556 "1999-11-20T17:47:00Z")
:::salutes ChiefScott::: That was the coolest thing that I have ever seen. That was cooler than Seale’s jail-breaking fart. :::salutes again, this time knocking herself unconscious because she forgot to put the tequila bottle down::: ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 1999, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/557 "1999-11-21T06:34:00Z")
\< swiging from the bottle \> Hey, Chief, ya sure got a lotta dials and such back here! I’ll have to play with them as soon as we reach 10,000 feet or so… Hmmmm…I can’t think of any city in particular I wanna blow up right now. How about we buzz the White House, then fly over to Memphis to get a head start on the drinking? \< making sure he has Melin’s card…\> * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 1999, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/558 "1999-11-21T06:54:00Z")
Check under your seat. Before I launched a threw a gallon of bilge wine down there. Made from the finest strawberries, grapes and other assorted fermentable fruit scrounged from the mess decks. It packs quite a punch so be careful you don’t bump that little red switch on the joystick. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/559 "1999-11-20T20:05:00Z")
You mean _this_ one? Ooops. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 1999, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/560 "1999-11-20T20:15:00Z")
Hey, where’d Des Moines go? It was there just a second ago. Catrandom [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=27) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=29)