# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 32
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 1999, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/621 "1999-11-27T08:51:00Z")
:::The Yeti’s eye’s roll back in his sockets. His lips move, as if saying a prayer in another dimension::: “Please save?” please… save… what? :::Looks around at snoring lumps of folks strewn about…::: Don’t worry. They’re beyond the thread thing. Woof your warp as it may. They’ll come back… ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 1999, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/622 "1999-11-27T15:22:00Z")
Bigfoot, you law one paw on Pikachu’s cute little head and your fetid hide will adorn the floor of my den! (I’ve sorta come to like that little critter since Neurro stole that clean-shaven mongoose back.) Have a blast of this :::hands over the electric tequila:::. Pretty soon, Pokemon will be your best friends. ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/623 "1999-11-28T00:13:00Z")
:::growls in anger::: FOOL! I am not falling for your conformist tricks that prey on the gullible! Pikachu is evil, as are the rest of the bunch. They killed my wife…AND THEY’RE GOING TO KILL YOU, TOO! :::throws the electric tequila in elelle’s direction::: GET THAT AWAY FROM ME! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/624 "1999-11-28T13:57:00Z")
\< catches the bottle in mid fling \> OK, yeti. I understand your hatred for all things Pokemon. But you never, and I mean _never_ waste perfectly good alche-hol. \< takes a big swig \> Satan, Chris, Falcon, Sue, Ayesha: Get off me! I’m tired of being one of the drivers, and my lap is _killing_ me! * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/625 "1999-11-28T14:59:00Z")
::Grabbing the wheel:: I got it. Where’s Ayesha and her ears? Mmmmm. Wiper fluid… Ahhhh! I think I’m blind!!! ::grinds gears and floors the accelerator:: ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/626 "1999-11-28T15:31:00Z")
There were _gears_? No wonder the engine sounded funny when I was doing 80! Ugh. I haven’t brushed my teeth in three weeks (of course, neither has anyone else here). I got more hair on my teeth than on my head! \< spend the next ten minutes working up a loogie \>…glorghh…snnnnoooooorrrrt…grumph…snooooort… \< leans head out the window and hooks the loogie \> **SPLOOSH!!!** Damn…y’all remember the “he slimed me” scenes from Ghostbusters? Yeesh. I hope nobody was following to close behind us… * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/627 "1999-11-28T17:11:00Z")
Loogies! hat’s the only thing I haven’t seen on this long, strange trip. Nice one, Seale. I’ve always wanted to learn how to do that. :::rummages through purse, finds travel pack with toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash::: Hey, I’ve got toothpaste! I’ve only got one toothbrush, though. No. It’s mine. I realize we’ve become good friends over the course of the last few weeks, but there are some things I just will not do. You’re welcome to use the toothpaste & mouthwash. Is there any food around here? ---
**Author:** ![Kanooka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@Kanooka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kanooka)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/628 "1999-11-28T17:18:00Z")
Tooothbrush. :::puts on her camoflage gear::: :::becomes the infamous stalker of the guy thread::: Must…have… toothbrush… hairy…teeth…bad. ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/629 "1999-11-28T17:23:00Z")
**A red thunderbird, driven by a beautiful woman, pulls along the right side of the ambulance. John, seated beside her and dressed in a composite of styles of dress from around the world, leaps into the ambulance through one of the gaping holes.** You guys will never believe where I’ve been for the past week. See, the yeti tossed me off the ambulance, and then… Damn, no one cares. Well, long story short, the Japanese found out we were responsible, but they’ve got enough problems of their own, since I sort of released some sort of giant lizard that laid waste to the entire country. So that’s good news. The bad news is I think it followed me home. Can I keep it Chief Scott, can I, huh? I promise I’ll feed it every day. **a scaly green hand seizes the T-bird and eats the girl** See? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/630 "1999-11-28T17:43:00Z")
Hey John, I don’t have a problem with the lizard, but you might want to throw a bag over his head. Sunset’s got some issues, and, well, having a huge green lizard around probably won’t help him find any inner peace. But hey, it’s good to see you again! ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/631 "1999-11-28T19:02:00Z")
Yeah, John, But where didja get the _hat_? \< rimshot \> * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/632 "1999-11-28T19:39:00Z")
Whoa Nelly! Hey guys, there’s about 200 really mean lookin’ dudes blocking the road and, I believe they’re being led by… LOVEROCK!!! ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/633 "1999-11-28T20:37:00Z")
Loverock? **ALL HANDS ON DECK!** Battle Stations! Battle Stations! Prepare depth charges! Ready torpedo bays 1 to 4! Arm nuclear war heads! Wait until they get closer! Brithael is mine! * * * This space for rent. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/634 "1999-11-28T20:39:00Z")
Time to see if trolls make good speedbumps or not. Ramming speed! * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/635 "1999-11-28T21:35:00Z")
You can’t push 'er any faster! She’s about ta blow! :::hides under dash, waiting for troll explosion::: ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/636 "1999-11-28T21:40:00Z")
_Kat stands at the side of the road holding a large case, occasionally checking her watch. As the ambulance speeds by, she steps easily into the back through a gaping hole._ Man, you guys will not believe how much trouble I had catching up to you. Luckily, I caught the newsbreak announcing the mysterious troll blockade and figured you’d end up passing by here about now. _opens case_ Now, let’s see what I got here. _starts passing out bottles_ Vodka, rum, scotch… I have plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers in here, too; figured all the guys here would have cleaned out any food stashes you all had by now. Oh, and I almost forgot. _reveals secret weapon_ I brought a dictionary and a set of encyclopedias to throw at the trolls. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 1999, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/637 "1999-11-28T21:48:00Z")
FOOD! :::stuffs face with stuffing, takes huge swig of gravy::: (mmphmmph)Famks Kat! Yr pfechcy(mmphmph)! :::swallowing::: Now, let me have one of those encyclopedias… :::hangs MW volume 6 out window, aiming at trolls::: Pow! Pow! Pow! Wow…I feel so, so…_armed!_ This is great! ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/638 "1999-11-29T00:14:00Z")
::The vehicle crashes headlong into the trolls, the smarter of whom run for cover, the majority end up in a road-obscuring pile on the hood. ChiefScott slams on the brakes, the bodies roll off the hood, to stop at the feet of a well-dressed man, all in black:: Hello, kindred souls, I can’t stay long, but I’ve brought you beer, guns, and money. It’s only a couple hundred, but how much could you expect me to pickpocket from a bunch of trolls? ::tosses a wad of cash, a few brewskies, and a couple of .45s through the windshield:: Have an _enjoyable_ trip. And I suggest you make a small stop at the Denny’s about 5 miles down the road. Adios amigos. Oh, and Brian, I like your style. ::the ambulance starts up and passes him, but the mirrors show he is no longer on the road.:: ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/639 "1999-11-29T00:20:00Z")
Freakazoid with beer, firearms and money just delivered, guys. And the asshole forgot the Cheezy Poofs! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/640 "1999-11-29T01:14:00Z")
:::muffled voice from under the driver’s seat::: Uh, guys? Folks? Alien life forms? Can I get up from here yet? (PTUI! spits out dust and a beer tab; takes a deep breath…) GAAACK! What is that _smell_? Hey whaddya say we forget the Dennys and hit Big Al’s Truck-O-Rama up here a ways? Bet they have a truck wash and we could at least send the yeti through. Hey, we could even whoosh the ambulance through. Since we don’t even have a windshield any more, I bet those big hot water jets would just squoosh all the empties, puke and troll guts right outta this thing! Hey, even better; is there such a thing as skinny dipping in a truck wash? This could be seriously fun. Chief, could you grab a .45 and a Kali and :::splort::: cover us? Who’s up for the first Doper Truck Wash Pool Party And Yeti Baptism? :::chugs electric tequila::: Veb [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=31) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=33)