# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 33
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/641 "1999-11-29T01:41:00Z")
Huh ? What ? Look you guys every freaking time I try to get some sleep around this joint somebody messes around with my ears ! Can’t you see they are as big as Dumbo’s now ? Hell I’m afraid to go up on the roof to relieve myself like the rest of you have been doing. I’m afraid the wind will catch my ears and I’ll fly all the way to Alaska ! (BTW I don’t think that guy who’s car was broke down of the road a few miles back loves any of you ! ) * * * Ayesha - Lioness * * * There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine (Thomas A. Edison) ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/642 "1999-11-29T03:08:00Z")
Ayesha, honey, now don’t worry. Your ears look fine. Just fine. Don’t worry, now. Here’s some…stuff, that’s really sticky and we’ll just sort of _glue_ glue them back, and if you _roolll_ over the tops of your ears and tuck them under this gimme cap, why, you look just like, just like, Princess Leia in a seed cap. Pass The Lioness some more tequila. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/643 "1999-11-29T03:47:00Z")
I’m game for that truck wash. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I sure could use a bath. Really. I’m so stinky that I can’t smell anyone else. I hope I haven’t offended anyone too badly. And what’s up with the electric tequila? Let me have that bottle. :::swigs::: Hey! That’s good! Let me have some… :::thump::: ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/644 "1999-11-29T05:24:00Z")
:::slips off his trench coat::: I sure hope those idiots were smashed good…what’s this about a yeti baptism? Where’s a yeti? I have my gun…I’ll put him down… :::takes a big swig of his secret flask hidden in his secret shirt pocket::: Ahhh…that’s the good stuff…I’ll get the bastard yeti good…yeah…that’s right… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/645 "1999-11-29T11:10:00Z")
UncleBeer finally awakens from an extended “sleep,” called to consciousness by… TEQUILA! He looks around in horror; his nightmares of Pokemon and Loverock weren’t nightmares at all. Merely intrusions of the corporeal world, haunting the only moments of peace his mind has had in weeks. Hey ChiefScott, where the hell are we going? It’s getting damn cold out here; What say we hit Tijuana, Mexico? I think we can trade that big ass green lizard to the natives for some peyote, hash and burritos. They can shellac that monster to sell in some crappy little roadside tourist shop. Sounds like a fair exchange to me. Now hit it! Oh, you’re blind? Ah well, I’ll give you directions. Turn left, **NOW!!!** * * * **Dopeler effect:** The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/646 "1999-11-29T16:12:00Z")
ChiefScott executes a quick “U-ee” which not only heads the heavily damaged meat wagon due south, but dumps cases and cases of empty beer and tequila bottles out the multitude of holes in the side of the vehicle. A quick slug of the electric tequila and a swipe of the back of his arm across his mouth, he tosses another empty over his shoulder as he sets to the task of navigating towards Mexico. “Uh Beer? You’ve kinda been out of it for awhile so you _do_ know we’re heading back towards Loverock and the trolls? And while that’s rattling around in that void you call a mind, old man, pass me more booze. Now!”, the chief slurs. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/647 "1999-11-29T16:41:00Z")
The trolls and Loverock? Naw, not a problem, Chief. I (wink, wink) know a “shortcut” that’ll get us around 'em. Now drink up and pass that bottle back. * * * **Dopeler effect:** The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/648 "1999-11-29T16:49:00Z")
pssst, guys, look over there, to the right. There’s a double decker tour bus. The driver just got out, slow down Chief, yep he left the keys in. Lets ditch this meat wagon and take the bus. No, no it’s legal ! He is giving it to us by leaving the keys. Besides we can stop and grab an empty barrel someplace to bathe in SOME OF US really need a bath ! ::glaring at smelly yeti:: Oh yeah theres a Wal-Mart ahead, we can liberate some tooth brushes SOME PEOPLE won’t share theirs :: glaring at Cristi, who has no fuzz on her teeth:: I bet between all of us we can empty out the store. * * * Ayesha - Lioness * * * There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine (Thomas A. Edison) ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 1999, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/649 "1999-11-29T22:44:00Z")
:::grumbles loudly::: Who is this yeti person? If there’s a yeti around, I’ll put him down for you all…there will be a feast for the ages! :::loads his shotgun and smiles through his blood-stained teeth::: He needs a bath…a blood bath…mwahaha…HAHAAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/650 "1999-11-30T00:19:00Z")
Since we don’t have a windshield, lets drain the wiper fluid and douse the sasquatch. Whooee, he could gag a maggot. Was I dreaming, or did we just run over a parade? I kinda like the idea of the double-decker bus. CanadianSue could go up top, lean over the front with her arms flung out, and we could all sing “My Heart Will Go On.” :::note to self: check for overpasses enroute:: ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/651 "1999-11-30T01:14:00Z")
:::quick note to self: stay away from people calling me a yeti…people who want to kill me…::: :::steals a vat of electric tequila and scampers up to his perch on top of the ambulance once again::: ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/652 "1999-11-30T02:24:00Z")
Oh yeti, come here, no wait on second thought stay there, I’ll just yell. WE DON"T WANT TO KILL YOU YETI, WE JUST WANT TO WASH YOU. No you don’t have to yell back with ears like these I can’t help but hear you. * * * Ayesha - Lioness * * * There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine (Thomas A. Edison) ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/653 "1999-11-30T03:23:00Z")
:::moans, groans, shakes fuzzy head::: Holy Toledo, Chief! What is in that tequila! It’s making my head spin like Linda Blair. And I think I’m hallucinating that UncleBeer is here. :::the three UncleBeers merge into one::: Wow! Unc! It really is you! Well tickle me pink and griddle me brown! Good to know you’re alive! I’d kiss you, but I need to brush my teeth first. :::rummages through purse again::: Awright…who stole my toothbrush? No, never mind. I do _not_ want it back. But don’t come crying to me when one of you gets hoof-and-mouth. Well, I’d better get myself a healthy swig of that tequila. That’ll get rid of any critters in my teeth, and some enamel too! :::takes a big swig, but doesn’t fall down this time::: Oh, I get it now! I just needed to build up some immunity! ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/654 "1999-11-30T12:22:00Z")
[lecherous]I got something that’ll take care of those critters in your mouth![/lecherous] (Hey! It **is** a guy thread!) ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/655 "1999-11-30T15:01:00Z")
_takes a big slug o’ tequila_ Sheshhhshshhh… I alwayzzz knew Cuhnadiyun Sueeee wazzzz acduallyyyy Zzzzuulleene Deeyonn… Shshsoooo, shshing f’ruzzz baby ! ## _falls back giggling_ Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 1999, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/656 "1999-11-30T23:44:00Z")
Hey Chief, is that a tube of Colgate in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? :::winkwinknudgenudge::: ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 1999, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/657 "1999-12-02T04:56:00Z")
And, so, the Guy Stuff Thread, having shot it’s wad, goes off into Yond; snoring loudly, hogging all the covers, leaving a wake of inconsolate hoodoo destruction… to be continued, ad infinitum, 'til death do us part from the monkey body. BUUUUUURRRRPPP! God Bless Us All- Tequila makes ya wordy… ---
**Author:** ![SunsetLightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SunsetLightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunsetLightning)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 1999, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/658 "1999-12-02T05:06:00Z")
It’s been surreal… :::hops off the ambulance and walks away into the sunset::: * * * The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 1999, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/659 "1999-12-02T05:31:00Z")
Sheesh, what’s a poor librarian to do? Hitch up with a bunch of drunks, suggest getting nekkid in a truck wash and what happens…even the psychotic sasquatch bails out. ::sobs:: Well, farewell to the guy thread. Tho I still suspect that just as soon as we bail the “in crowd” will sneak off toward Mexico. The rough beast, slouching off toward civilization waiting to be bored, Veb ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 1999, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/660 "1999-12-02T11:51:00Z")
**I’m** not getting stuck with the liquor and damages bill! ::Walks huffily to the Pit:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=32) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=34)