# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 42
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/821 "2000-01-04T12:23:00Z")
Forsooth, I beseech you! Wouldst thou passeth the boozeth? And I shall have one of the toothbrushes, thank you. After I whittle it down it’ll make a very nice jailhouse shiv – excellent for defending myself against bald cats and drunken Yeti. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/822 "2000-01-04T15:57:00Z")
Cold…how could you use JD like THAT??? ARGH! Sacrilege! _grabs the bottle, drains it_ Mush better. Now…anyone order those damn pizzas? * * * “But I can cry until I laugh or laugh until I cry. So cut the deck right in half, I’ll play from either side…” - Mary Chapin Carpenter ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2000, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/823 "2000-01-04T16:33:00Z")
Scene: a snowy front yard with trees and a snow-covered bush. Raucous sounds and flashing lights spill from the house. There is no wind, yet slowly the bush begins to shake. After a while a bearded head appears out of the snow with a deliriously happy expression. glee (for it is indeed he) begins to crawl towards the door, murmuring ‘Cristi…angel of mercy…nurses uniform…’. At this point in his epic journey he pauses, lost in thought. ‘Why does the cold make some things stiffer…(stops smiling, looks down)…but some things not?’. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/824 "2000-01-05T01:29:00Z")
(Shudder) Either I’m having DT’s, or the Yeti morphed into something that looks like a gigolo outta Miami’s red light district. Hey, someone dragged the yard gnome iside! Let’s brush some of the snow off and… Psst! ::nudges Ayesha:: Take a look at the gnome here. Suppose the poor thing is supposed to be anatomically correct? Not that the dude chasing after Scarlet to get his kilt back is exactly, well… I dunno about this party. Wally, toss me another Moosehead, willya? Veb ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/825 "2000-01-05T02:28:00Z")
My God, woman! That’s no gnome! It’s a frozen Englishman! Here, out of the way. He needs something strong in him to wake him up. What? What? Stop laughing! I meant alcohol! Here, glee. Captain Morgan’s finest. Want any Coke in that Rum & Coke? * * * JMCJ What Would Cecil Do? ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/826 "2000-01-05T02:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy now and then. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500. - Bunny, in the movie “Platoon” (was the guy-est thing I could think of off the top of my head.) ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/827 "2000-01-05T02:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy now and then. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500. - Bunny, in the movie “Platoon” (was the guy-est thing I could think of off the top of my head.) ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/828 "2000-01-05T02:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy now and then. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500. - Bunny, in the movie “Platoon” (was the guy-est thing I could think of off the top of my head.) ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/829 "2000-01-05T02:40:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy now and then. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500. - Bunny, in the movie “Platoon” (was the guy-est thing I could think of off the top of my head.) ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/830 "2000-01-05T02:41:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, but I still like a piece of pussy now and then. Ain’t nothing like a piece of pussy, 'cept maybe the Indy 500. - Bunny, in the movie “Platoon” (was the guy-est thing I could think of off the top of my head.) ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/831 "2000-01-05T02:45:00Z")
Milton on a skateboard, that’s _glee_!? Oh, gee, _sorry_, man, didn’t uh, recognize without pants on! Good thinking, John, you pour some hooch in the poor britsickle while I swipe the Armani off the Yeti. He’s passed out in a needle stupor, muttering about lawyers again, so he won’t miss it. Cristi, you’re wearing the nurses uniform. Quit ass-snapping people with that kilt and come help this poor frozen man. What was that trick you did, setting your hand on fire? Veb ---
**Author:** ![KeithM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@KeithM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KeithM)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/832 "2000-01-05T02:45:00Z")
Don’t ask me what just happened. While I’m here again, do you guys like to say words while you’re belching? I often go for “Bob” (my brother’s name) or “Bourbon” or “Abu Dhabi” ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/833 "2000-01-05T04:12:00Z")
Well for heaven’s sake! Glee! It’s about time you dragged yourself inside. Here, have a toothbrush. Yes, you need it. Now stand still for a minute, okay? I’m going to go get something to help thaw you out. :::pours the cheap whiskey on hand, sets hand on fire…again:::: Glee! Settle down, man! I only set _myself_ on fire, not other people! Well, except elelle. I set her head on fire. It was an accident! Geez! You’ve been out in the cold _way_ too long! :::steps outside, sticks flaming hand in snowbank, steps back in::: There! I see some roses in those cheeks now! All four of them! Much better! ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/834 "2000-01-05T05:17:00Z")
hmm, I wounder when certian ahem body parts of Glee’s will decend ? I assume they crawled up into his belly to keep from freezing. What Veb, they have decended ? Oh ::snicker:: Uh sorry Glee ::snicker:: I’m used to Texas men. We do grow em bigger you know. :: snicker:: Cristi, will you please stop lighting your hand like that ? We’re gonna run out of burn cream soon.Besides , it’s a waste of good booze. Now give me a bottle of tequila, don’t look so worried Yeti, I’ll save the worm for you. * * * Ayesha - Lioness * * * There are two solutions to every problem : the wrong one, and mine (Thomas A. Edison) ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/835 "2000-01-05T05:41:00Z")
You want a guy quote…check my signature THATS a fucking guy quote * * * Tyler Durden: You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Heath\_Doolin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/836 "2000-01-05T05:41:00Z")
You want a guy quote…check my signature THATS a fucking guy quote * * * Tyler Durden: You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/837 "2000-01-06T06:21:00Z")
_I’m_ cold too! ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/838 "2000-01-06T06:22:00Z")
Scene: A living room with a roaring fire. A cheerful atmosphere with three women gathered round a melting snowman. glee (stiffly) ‘Thank you madam for warming me up so…suddenly. Yes, I understand that in Texas everything is bigger. However I should point out that it’s not the lead in the pencil, it’s the way you sign your name.’ Almost absentmindedly, he then licks his own ear. This is followed by a mixture of screaming, fainting and glassy-eyed admiration… ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/839 "2000-01-06T06:25:00Z")
_I’m_ cold too! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/840 "2000-01-05T21:49:00Z")
Here, Chief. I had some more Rum and Coke for glee, but it looks like he’s getting his… uh, _needs_ satisfied in, erm… _other_ ways. I’m gonna go back to the kitchen, mix up a few martinis, and start blowing up hotdogs in the microwave again. Care to join me? * * * JMCJ This could be YOUR sig line! For just five cents a post, JMCJ Enterprises will place YOUR sig line at the bottom of each message! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=41) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=43)