# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 43
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/841 "2000-01-06T00:38:00Z")
Okay, Chief, so you’re cold too. **But** can you lick _your_ ear? And don’t get to lyin’, now; GBS monitors this board and she’ll be fully justified in requesting a demonstration. ::trips over Cristi, who is reclining, presumably (ahem!) in a swoon:: Oh, hiya, Keith. Yeah, why don’t you and the Chief toddle on off to the kitchen and blow up some stuff? And cover up the Yeti with the kilt on your way, willya? Those Mighty Mouse shorts he had on under the Armani are starting to bother me. ::stares entranced at glee again:: Veb ---
**Author:** ![Mac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Mac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/842 "2000-01-06T00:58:00Z")
## Hey guys check it out NAKED OILY WOMEN next door having a pillow fight!!! [http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/003819.html](http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/003819.html) Mac slowly slinks off to lurkdom. **slink slink slink** I lurk therefore, I am. Or at least I might be? ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/843 "2000-01-06T02:17:00Z")
Oh…my…Goddess…he…licked…his…_ear_… :::bangs head into wall, slowly, over and over again::: I’m married with children…I’m married with children…I’m married with children… ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/844 "2000-01-06T03:01:00Z")
Uh-huh. Perfunctorily dismissed, and even called the wrong name. See if _I_ ever help an Englishman again. I’m going to go check out those naked, oily, pillow-fighting women. Anyone got 10 $1 for a $10? * * * JMCJ This could be YOUR sig line! For just five cents a post, JMCJ Enterprises will place YOUR sig line at the bottom of each message! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/845 "2000-01-06T03:13:00Z")
Englisher! Quit revealin’ the feckin’ secrets of Her Majesty’s Empire! Pull yerself together son! (Snatches kilt, and immediately runs out of weekly allotment of exclamation points.) Excuse me? The Blue Ribbon? Well, it ain’t all that damned cold out there. BTW, here’s yer straitjacket back – seems I didn’t need it after all. (Throws ribbon casually in air; cracks new Glenfiddich bottle.) (Just for you Glee, I avoided saying "Tosses ribbon . . . ") Dr. Watson “Beauty is only the beginning of terror.” ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/846 "2000-01-06T03:43:00Z")
::jolted out of reverent stupor:: Huh, whaaa?..Oh, Jim, it’s you and Penzias & Wilson. Sorry, got distracted for a minute. Cristi, pull your head out of the wallboard; be strong now. I know; it’s a damned waste of natural resources. ::sighs wistfully:: Let’s go go with Jim and Cronk here and we watch the Chief blow up the kitchen. It isn’t free-form ear licking, but a good explosion would be nice right about now, hmmmm? ::ambles out, chin on shoulder:: Now, c’mon! A few belts of Cuervo and you’ll be fine, just fine… Veb ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/847 "2000-01-06T04:17:00Z")
:::sighs wistfully, then knocks back a shot::: Oh well. At least I can tell people I saw a guy lick his ear. :::sniffs::: I smell smoke. Am I on fire again, or are they trying to cook something in there? ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/848 "2000-01-06T06:44:00Z")
Cristi, you ain’t seen nothing yet. The artist formerly known as KeithM * * * “You had me at ‘Hell no.’” ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/849 "2000-01-06T06:52:00Z")
Hey, just got back from a naked, oily, pillow fight and I need FOOD! Where’s the pork rinds? Where’s the damn beer! And why hasn’t anyone warmed up ChiefScott? Get over here honey, you can share my robe… as long as you bring me a beer! ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/850 "2000-01-06T07:37:00Z")
Oh, I just did a stupid thing… that pillow fight mesmerized me so that I poured honey all…well it was just stupid, cause now I got some feathers, extreporaneous lint and a bunch of Christian literature stuck all over me on the way back here… Byz, I only got one year-old pack-O-chicharrones to my name, but if you put em in the microwave, it brings back the flavor that was lost. ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2000, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/851 "2000-01-06T07:45:00Z")
elelle – hey works for me… uh, just tell me WHAT those are. Otherwise I’m looking at a honey dipped treat… oooo! And I can read you while I eat! Yeah, that ought to get some response… Byzantine, naked oily pervert… ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/852 "2000-01-09T02:50:00Z")
Ummm…Byz…heehee…Buuuuuurrrppp… Back in the oily fray, boys… ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/853 "2000-01-09T03:41:00Z")
Why, thank ye kindly fer the invite; I’d be pleased as a snake in St. Pat’s kitbag to help ye explode things . . . but are ye sure the Kitchen is the right . . . ``` Ye Gads woman! Tell me that sticky stuff ye've got drippin' from ya ain't what it appears ta be . . . Englisher! Fetch yer wooden legged glassy eyed arse after me sword -- we've a maiden ta defend here! An' wipe that drool off yer chin there woman, it ain't dignified. ``` Dr. Watson “Me drivin’ instructor asked if I could make a U-turn. I said I could make its fecken’ eyes water.” ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/854 "2000-01-09T06:26:00Z")
_Scene_ \* At an airport in Indianapolis, a tall youth is heading through the metal detector line. He wears a trench coat, black fedora and a small sign of the boar medallion; dark lenses are clipped across his glasses. As he steps through the metal detector and his bags are x-rayed, alarms go off everywhere. “Sir, do you have any metal on you?” Yue Han opens his coat. Strapped all over him and hanging from the coat there are guns, dozens of tequila bottles and thousands of beer cans. The airport security reaches for their weapons- but it’s all too fast for them. In the blink of an eye he snatches up his bag and blazes across the room. Bullets are fired at him. He turns at the door and stops them by holding out a hand. Later, he appears on the plane. His seatmate asks why he’s headed to Salt Lake City. She is puzzled by the answer: “But what is the Guy Stuff thread?” . He gives her a wry smile and settles in for the flight. He says: “Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Guy Stuff thread is. You have to see it for yourself.” \* ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2000, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/855 "2000-01-09T06:27:00Z")
_Scene_ \* At an airport in Indianapolis, a tall youth is heading through the metal detector line. He wears a trench coat, black fedora and a small sign of the boar medallion; dark lenses are clipped across his glasses. As he steps through the metal detector and his bags are x-rayed, alarms go off everywhere. “Sir, do you have any metal on you?” Yue Han opens his coat. Strapped all over him and hanging from the coat there are guns, dozens of tequila bottles and thousands of beer cans. The airport security reaches for their weapons- but it’s all too fast for them. In the blink of an eye he snatches up his bag and blazes across the room. Bullets are fired at him. He turns at the door and stops them by holding out a hand. Later, he appears on the plane. His seatmate asks why he’s headed to Salt Lake City. She is puzzled by the answer: “But what is the Guy Stuff thread?” . He gives her a wry smile and settles in for the flight. He says: “Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Guy Stuff thread is. You have to see it for yourself.” \* ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/856 "2000-01-13T02:50:00Z")
Good stuff, John. I just had to tell you that. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my meaningless post will bring this thread back to the top. ## Trust me. Stop telling God what to do. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/857 "2000-01-13T04:02:00Z")
Ain’t that just IT with GuyStuff??? It’ll always float to the top. Must be pre- destinagurgification… ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/858 "2000-01-13T04:11:00Z")
this thread is a mess! and what is that smell??? where did my victoria secret’s catalog go? ok ok i’m leaving… * * * If your head is wax, don’t walk in the sun. -Benjamin Franklin ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2000, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/859 "2000-01-14T04:10:00Z")
This has gone far enough. When I become Chief Moderator, my first priority will be to delete this thread. Not close. Delete. Oh,oh. I just bumped it back to the top, didn’t I? * * * Stop telling God what to do. ---
**Author:** ![Zeb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/57b2e6/32.png) [@Zeb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeb)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2000, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/860 "2000-01-14T04:58:00Z")
Had to leave the MB for personal reasons for a few weeks. Good to see this thread lasted. Although I have to admit, I thought you guys would have skyjacked the space shuttle by now and used it to skywrite obscene messages . Or maybe you did, I haven’t read the whole epic * * * still trying to think of something witty to say here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=42) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=44)