# Guy Stuff **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 1999, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130 "1999-11-05T19:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/161 "1999-11-08T20:19:00Z")
Uhh, let’s see…Frehley, Frehley. Nope, no Frehleys here. Me? Oh, allow me to introduce myself; I’m Dr. Felterbox. Dr. Howie Felterbox. Yes, I _did_ write _The Home Pap Smear_. Thanks for remembering. (And before anyone gets their bra in a twist, this is a GUY’S thread.) * * * And the problem with small furry animals in corners is that, just occasionally, one of them’s a mongoose. Terry Pratchett, _Witches Abroad_ ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/162 "1999-11-08T20:19:00Z")
Wow! Hey everyone, look at Wally’s barf! It looks just like Howard Cosell! :::multiple oohs, aaahs, and attaboys::: ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/163 "1999-11-08T20:39:00Z")
::knock knock:: Hello, yes – my GOD what died in here? Could you step out, please? I’m Captain Candi Sweet of the Toledo Police Department. We dispatched two officers to this location three days ago, and haven’t heard from them since. Do you think . . . The back yard? Yes, I’ll check. No, thanks, I won’t go through the house, I’ll go out back. Okay. Yes sir, that appears to be Officer Nookiewookie passed out by the barbeque with his shorts on his head. Do you know where the other officer might be? No? Well, could I ask you to look around for me? Thanks. No, I’ll just wait here. Oh, and please tell those two guys up there that they can argue about Pascal’s Wager all they want, but we’d like them dressed and off the roof. ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/164 "1999-11-08T20:55:00Z")
Fake police officers–what will you guys think of next? Go ahead, pour another beer on them–those aren’t real cops. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/165 "1999-11-08T21:00:00Z")
No need to wait at the door, Captain Candi. Let me get you a drink, and I’ll show you the treehouse I built out back. Say, you’re kinda cute for a cop. Are those handcuffs real? * * * Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/166 "1999-11-08T21:01:00Z")
Capt. **Candi Sweet** , huh? Hey everybody, the stripper’s here… ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 1999, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/167 "1999-11-08T21:03:00Z")
Hey guys. I’ve just made the mistake of reading some of bj0rn’s old posts. And then I actually went to his website…and…and…uh…read it…I ran over here as fast as I could. Man, it smells GREAT in here! Hey, Colfire, is that you in the barcalounge? Got any room? Could someone get me a beer? Or some gasoline? Jesus,that was horrible…I know, you coulda told me…Any tequila left? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/168 "1999-11-09T00:06:00Z")
Elelle, I believe there’s some tequila left in the mouth of that there deer’s head… Uhm… no Officer… the other cop must have got away… he was the big hairy one wasn’t he ? Come to think of it guys, any of you seen Sqrl around the last few hours ? ## \*ducks for cover 😉 \* Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/169 "1999-11-09T00:29:00Z")
Really? Thank murrfuffin’ god… What the hell??? Y’all been “measurin’ off” in there??? JEEEEZZUUS… I’m gonna go wake up Unca Beer in his waterbed… Unca? What up? Y’know, he looks awful cute with those bottlecaps stuck to his forehead… ---
**Author:** ![Sucellus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Sucellus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sucellus)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/170 "1999-11-09T00:58:00Z")
:::coming through the front door::: I had to go home and change my clothes…again! There’s a hairless ferret or weasle up in the tree with something that looks like a human nose in its mouth…does that concern anyone? …good god!..are those bullet holes in the ceiling? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/171 "1999-11-09T01:17:00Z")
Nah, they’re flame holes. Ask Sealemon. Mmmmmmmmmmm slices of milk, my favourite ! Used to eat those for breakfast all the time when I still studied. ## They gotta have some fungus though. Otherwise I can’t be bothered. Coldfire * * * “You know how complex women are” - Neil Peart, Rush (1993) ---
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/172 "1999-11-09T01:18:00Z")
That’s not a ferret. It used to be a cat. Don’t worry about it. We’re gonna put it on the barbecue as soon as we can coax it down. The bullet holes? Coldfire showing of his .32 Berretta. Tried to shoot down the chandelier. Did you bring any tequila? * * * This space for rent. ---
**Author:** ![Sucellus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Sucellus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sucellus)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/173 "1999-11-09T01:24:00Z")
Didn’t bring any tequila, but I found a bottle without a lable…it’s flammable so I figured ‘what the hell’…someone will drink it. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/174 "1999-11-09T01:30:00Z")
\< finally waking up \> Oh, **God**. Don’t talk to me about flamable. \< limping \> Anybody got some salve? * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/175 "1999-11-09T01:45:00Z")
Ayesha! C’Mere a minute… Sannibel’s got no nuts. He wont let me shoot thish bheer bottle offa his head with my gun…Good shotgun, too… Anyhoos, balance this bheer bottle on your tits, will you? \ It’s Target Practice Time, Guys!!!\ * * * YO-HO, ME HEARTIES! ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THE MUSICAL BATTLE AT SEA! ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/176 "1999-11-09T02:15:00Z")
Shushellush…no fair cribbing linesh from th’ Columbush meeting…and that weashel didn’t have a noshe, it had a thumb… Doesh anyone have any more vodka? _drinks straight from the bottle_ Ooooh, target practish! I’m a crack shot! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/177 "1999-11-09T02:52:00Z")
Uh, Mike, could I have a handfull of those bottle rockets? I’m gonna go out in the backyard and play “Scuds and Weasels.” ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/178 "1999-11-09T08:23:00Z")
Seale, I got this Tahitian Ungent here for ya…_sniff sniff_…hmmmmm…smell’s fruity. Mmmmm, tastes like mango Now & Laters, anyone wanna taste? Hey, I gotta idea, pass that 151… Hey, Unc whats that up your sleeve? Is that an Ace? You cheatin’ bastard! Gimme that gun! Oh, hello officer. I was…uh…just gonna give this back to him. Hey, easy, your hurting’ my arm. Come on Candi, can i call you that, make with the friskin’! ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/179 "1999-11-09T13:39:00Z")
Hey, you guys aren’t eating breakfast on the dishes that were in the sink… are you? I hope you rinsed them off first. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 1999, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130/180 "1999-11-09T16:38:00Z")
Uuuuuuuuurrrrgh… Okay, I’m awake now. Where’s my underwear? Why isn’t my underwear on my body? Cripes. I need a shower. :::walks to bathroom, stepping over bodies::: :::walks out of bathroom::: Hey UncleBeer? Do you have a flamethrower? I need to take a shower, but there’s something very large and fungus-covered in the tub. Oh wait. Never mind. It’s Coldfire. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guy-stuff/14130.md?page=10)