# Guys (and gals), how attractive was the first person that you had sex with? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2014, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465 "2014-11-24T05:10:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/21 "2014-11-24T15:35:52Z")
Believe it or not, I “made it with a red haired girl in a Chevrolet” long before anybody ever heard of Billy Joel. '48 Chevrolet Fleetline two-door. Flaming red hair and a cat-like face, stunning, and I married her. [![](https://chevybombs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/IMG_8325.jpg) ](https://chevybombs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/IMG_8325.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/22 "2014-11-24T15:38:20Z")
Yup, the first person I had sex with was smokin’ hot. The first person I had a relationship with had a weird face and a bony body. IF you’re concerned… Have you tried going out on chaste dates, where there’s zero expectation of sex, on either side? Getting used to talking to women, not just looking at them? Or maybe talking to a doctor or therapist about a low sex drive? But really, as many have pointed out, it’s not a big deal, and when you’re ready, you’ll know it. Your brain and your crotch will throw a parade for you. Until then, don’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/23 "2014-11-24T15:49:25Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > I’ll point out that it should be a lot easier for women to have an attractive first partner. In theory, yes. My experience from my youth, however, is that the guys that teenage girls / young women pick as their first crushes are random as all get out. One thing that the girls I knew back then seemed to have in common, though, was that they would often focus their attention on one guy to the exclusion of all others (as opposed to boys or young men, who’ll fall in love or lust with anyone and everyone who walks past). But those guys could be complete assholes or total idiots as often as not, and a lot of the time not even, as far as I could tell, particularly good looking, at least not in a stand-out way. My theory is that the module in a young woman’s brain that picks suitable partners isn’t working properly at that point (God knows that the equivalent part of a young boy’s brain isn’t). Or maybe that what it’s looking for, that is, partners with material resources who can help support children, just isn’t matching at all with the landscape of teen boys and young men around them, and it’s just pinging in arbitrary directions. (I should add that this worked very much to my own benefit. I can’t see anyone hooking up with my own teenage self if they had their head on straight.) ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/24 "2014-11-24T16:10:22Z")
She was a looker assuming she was your type. A little goth number my girlfriend prior disdainfully compared to a “china doll”. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/25 "2014-11-24T16:19:33Z")
Not at all my type but quite pretty. We were very good friends for a while before that. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/26 "2014-11-24T16:19:50Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > If there’s one thing I’ve learned, though, it is that physical hotness does not necessarily equal a great experience in the sack. The brain is the most important sexual organ. Personality and how compatible you are with someone is more important than a pretty face and nice tits. It’s a holistic thing. A more “attractive” partner is not necessarily (in fact, in my experience, not usually) a step “up”. It’s much more complicated than that. Quoted for truth. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/27 "2014-11-24T16:24:13Z")
My first was attractive enough, but not a model or anything. I’ve found that since then, and increasingly so as my experience increases, I’ve ‘lowered’ my standards. As in ending up having sex with girls that would previously be uninteresting to me, or even when I first meet them. I also agree that quality of sex often has little to do with looks… as your experience grows you’ll start to realize this and suddenly looks start to matter less. It did for me at least. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/28 "2014-11-24T16:27:06Z")
The first lady I had sex with was very hot. And about five years older than my 17. A year or so later I completed the set by hooking up with her sister, who was also hot. By the time I was 23 I was well into double digits on sex partners. It was the mid-eighties and one-night-stands were common. I was (am still) considered attractive by most womens standards. I’m also very discreet and friendly. I don’t see virginity as something to be ashamed of. It’s also not some great virtue either. It took many years, maybe decades to realize that. Mr. Happy[sup]TM[/sup] on the other hand wants nothing to do with it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/29 "2014-11-24T16:31:25Z")
Ah youth. Two guys more or less at the same time (they didn’t know about each other . . . for awhile). One was studly and blond, the other was pale and pimply, with an overbite. Neither one could have won any prizes for personal hygiene, sigh. The first was cryingly awful in bed, the second was crazy great, and made my knees buckle whenever I saw him (he also wore motorcycle leathers and was brilliant and slightly insane though). This was of course high school. I second the post which kindly suggests that instead of grading women on their looks, from a distance, you try actually getting to know a few as friends. Take up some discretionary activity which women also gravitate to, with the intention of simply interacting. You may be surprised at how practically human-like women can be, and how it changes your perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/30 "2014-11-24T16:32:07Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > It sounds to me like your sex drive simply isn’t as supercharged, crazy high as is often the case with young men - if it were, more women would look good to you and you would happily compromise your standards simply for the release/pleasure of getting laid. I think this almost has to be true. When I first read the OP, my thought was…but aren’t you just dying of horniness? All this “just not ready” talk…dude is 23. If he’s not ready now, seems like maybe he never will be. But what do I know, I’ve been having regular sex since I was 15. I just can’t imagine what kind of beauty standards would be more important to me than getting laid. Anyway, my advice is to lower your standards, yes. Get some. It’s fun, you’ll like it. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/31 "2014-11-24T17:03:45Z")
I’m kind of wondering if the problem lies largely in the fact that your friend is bugging you about it. You should tell him to fuck off and that you’ll get laid when you find the right situation. Notice I said “situation” and not “person.” The difference may seem slight, but it’s very important, and also will help discourage your friend from bugging you about the “looks” issue. Regardless of what the underlying issue is, his pressure is not helping you. Like the others, I also wonder if your standards are indeed unrealistic, and think you should look more closely at that. But having sex with women you think are ugly just to get your dick wet reduces them to nothing more than willing holes. There’s probably a happy medium somewhere. Maybe you DO have a low sex drive too. That’s okay, but please make sure to recognize that and find a partner who has one too. Very very few men realize or can admit that they have a low sex drive! > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > If there’s one thing I’ve learned, though, it is that physical hotness does not necessarily equal a great experience in the sack. > … > There’s just no correlation there at all, I think. I wouldn’t agree that there is NO correlation, at least for me. I find that a partner that I find “hot” tends to enhance things, and often quite a bit. But hotness is only one ingredient in the mix. The last guy I was involved with was super-hot. The first time I laid eyes on him, I was instantly attracted, and immediately thought “well, he’s out of my league.” Chatting with him only made me more attracted. I couldn’t believe he was interested in me. I soon discovered that he had a perfect body, a huge cock, and was fantastic in the sack. His sheer hotness was part of that. He is also a delightful person and a pleasure to be around. He’s an all-around first-class sort of guy, and is now a good friend. I like the current guy better, both in and out of bed. Oh, and the first guy I was with, way back when? Hot. That was my senior year of high school. After my first semester of college, I started wondering if he really was as hot as I remembered, so I went somewhere that he was likely to be in order to check. Yup. Still hot. Nice guy, too. (I did this just for curiosity’s sake. I had another boyfriend then. Also hot, at least to me. Something about that guy…) ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/32 "2014-11-24T17:13:01Z")
The first person I had (penetrative, vaginal) sex with was my girlfriend in high school. By the 80’s standards of what made a teen girl attractive, she was not. But she was definitely my “type” at the time: cute; charming smile; a little meat on her bones. Remember Lisa on _You Can’t Do That On Television_? A lot like her. For what it’s worth, sex with her was the best sex I ever had, bar none. She knew what she was doing in the sack! ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/33 "2014-11-24T17:37:20Z")
6 or 7. But honestly the _first_ one is the one where attractiveness is least important. Just get your pork on bro and then you can get picky. Also, you probably suck ass in bed. You got some catching up to do. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/34 "2014-11-24T17:41:42Z")
a) Your friend is giving you shitty advice. b) Southern California blonde surfer chick. High school girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![2ManyTacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/3da27b/32.png) [@2ManyTacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2ManyTacos)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/35 "2014-11-24T17:44:22Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Have look at what women look like in general, then decide if your “standard” is realistic or if you’re lusting after bikini models in the top 5% of physical attractiveness. Also factor in where you might fit personality and physical attractiveness wise. > > I’m guessing you’re at best average and have your standard set at “supermodel”. Maybe not so much a lowering of standards as a reality check and a lessened focus on the physical. This is where it gets hard for me because I don’t have any pics - of either me or my friend - that I could point you to. All I can say, and you’ll have to take my word for it here that I am being 100% honest, is that PHYSICALLY I can say with certainty that I am a more handsome man than my buddy. As in, say, I’m a solid 8-9 (I gravitate because I tend to fall out of shape a little when I’m in school) whereas my friend is, at best, a 7. Obviously, he has me beat in terms of sheer personality - or at least in how his personality interacts with other women - but I don’t hesitate to say that I got him beat _slightly_ in the looks department. Some other posters have gotten on my case for how the OP turned out, so I want to reaffirm that I’m absolutely NOT trying to be shallow with this thread. Really, I’m just trying to approach this idea from an objective POV; I know that people GENERALLY gravitate towards persons whom they deem to be about as equally as attractive as them, so either I’m aiming too high or I’m otherwise just out of touch with how to approach women in general. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/36 "2014-11-24T18:04:23Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > Guys (and gals), how attractive was the first person you had sex with? Objectively, to everyone else? Or to me? Because that’s two very different answers. Objectively, I’d say about a six–attractive side of average. To me, an 8 or 9. Twenty years later, he’s got crow’s feet and silver streaks and back hair and he’s starting to get those crazy-long old man eyebrow hairs. And I’d still rate him a good solid 8. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/37 "2014-11-24T18:21:01Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > Some other posters have gotten on my case for how the OP turned out, so I want to reaffirm that I’m absolutely NOT trying to be shallow with this thread. I didn’t take it as shallow. I think we all have a kind of a threshold. I call it my “minimum standard of non-hideousness,” because I’m romantic like that. 😛 For me, if a guy is above that threshold, looks aren’t all that important to me. But if he’s below that threshold, looks are supremely important. I’ve dipped a little below it, and the results weren’t good For many people, though, looks are really important even if they’re above that threshold, but they still have one below which they simply will not go. It sounds like your friend’s minimum standard of non-hideousness is simply lower than yours, which would explain why he happily goes with women that you wouldn’t consider. I’m glad that you’re considering whether yours might be mis-calibrated, but dating women you find UN-attractive is not something you should or should need to do. ---
**Author:** ![Neo-Calredic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/96bed5/32.png) [@Neo-Calredic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neo-Calredic)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/38 "2014-11-24T18:33:55Z")
My first (for pretty much everything) was an extremely attractive blonde stripper. I was 29 at the time, but it was an experience well worth waiting for. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/39 "2014-11-24T18:42:25Z")
> [@2ManyTacos](#): > > Now, in _my_ case, at age 23, I’ve yet to sleep with any woman, nor have I ever had an SO. Yeah, yeah, I know…that’s not as old as some of the other virgin guys on here, & it doesn’t really bother me that much beyond the slight “maybe I should do something about this” feeling. More and more, however, I’m starting to wonder if the _reason_ for my continued lulls could perhaps be attributable to unrealistic standards that I have for the women whom I deem to be attractive. Feeling bad about yourself won’t help anything, but don’t kid yourself. You’re already a fairly extreme outlier by western standards. The fact that you can find older examples easily on the Internet doesn’t say very much. Have you dated women you consider attractive? Do you make out with good looking women without actually having intercourse? It’d be better to think candidly about how your romantic life has gone so far. Calling yourself an 8 or 9, frankly, sounds pretty unrealistic. But even if you’re really gorgeous, a better question would be - how do your dates go? Do they want 2nd and 3rd dates? How often are you shot down when you do ask someone out? If good looking women don’t want to date you, or don’t want to date you more than once, it doesn’t really matter how good looking you are, because apparently something else is turning them off. If you are always the one to end things, then looking at your own standards would start to make sense. Personally if I did some honest analysis and realized something about me was turning off good looking women, I’d decide to work on those parts of me before lowering my own standards, but an honest self assessment would still be a good start. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465/40 "2014-11-24T19:04:34Z")
Pretty damn hot - much hotter than I could have hoped for for a first time. She had been dating one of my best friends, dumped him, and a couple of weeks later let a neutral third party know that she wouldn’t object to me asking her out. And yes, it was a shitty thing to do to my friend, and the pain I was causing him was the reason I broke up with her after two weeks. But in my defense, he had given me his reluctant blessing, saying he wasn’t going to stand between a 22-year-old virgin and a girl who actually wanted him. And she and I managed to do quite a lot in those two weeks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-and-gals-how-attractive-was-the-first-person-that-you-had-sex-with/705465.md?page=3)