# Guys: Ever date a girl who was hard to get? What happened? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957 "2007-06-22T03:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/1 "2007-06-22T03:45:24Z")
I’m interested in stories of wooing, in the classical sense. Guys who fell for women who may or may not have liked them back, but didn’t make it easy. Obviously, I’m in situation like this now. She’s not pushing me away, nor throwing the door wide open. (This is NOT the Christian girl I mentioned in another thread). The woman in question is smart, mature, independent, etc. I think she might just be worth waiting for. But I’ve never done that before for any woman. I want to hear some success stories for encouragement. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/2 "2007-06-22T03:52:32Z")
It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by “not making it easy”. Can you describe some illustrative interactions you’ve had with her? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/3 "2007-06-22T04:09:17Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by “not making it easy”. Can you describe some illustrative interactions you’ve had with her? [/QUOTE] Well, I’m not really looking for analyses or comparisons of my own situation. As for examples, I think the guys can self-select; we all know when a woman is making us work for her. Basically, if you think you are or did, then it’s true. I really couldn’t give examples from my own situation anyway; it’s a bit too early yet. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/4 "2007-06-22T04:11:27Z")
Have you asked her out? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/5 "2007-06-22T04:40:39Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] Have you asked her out? [/QUOTE] _sigh_ Yes, I have, and she agreed, although we tend to hang out with a big group of her friends so far. She’s inviting me to whatever they’re doing, so she wants me around, but she’s apparently in no hurry to do more. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/6 "2007-06-22T04:49:13Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > I’m interested in stories of wooing, in the classical sense. I never really tried that. If she seemed somewhat hard to get, I’d just swing for the fence right from the start. I’d ask her out. If she said yes, she was no longer “hard to get”, and if she said no I moved on, with little time or effort invested in the failed attempt. Boring, I know, but most of the time they’d accept the date offer and I didn’t lose any sleep over the few that didn’t. PS: YOU ask HER out. Don’t make it a group thing with friends. Just the two of you go somewhere, do something together. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/7 "2007-06-22T05:57:10Z")
Well, many times. Once it was a gorgeous model-tyep, who said “No one ever asks me out!” and we had a good time for a while. 😉 Another time it was with another really good looking gal, _and she laughed at me._ :eek: And women wonder why men are the way they are. ---
**Author:** ![Zambini57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/4491bb/32.png) [@Zambini57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zambini57)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/8 "2007-06-22T06:25:07Z")
Yeah, I chased after a very attractive woman for about a year. Finally got her to go out with me. We hit it off, went to ballgames, dinners, movies, flying, motorcycling and blah blah. She moved in for awhile and then I asked her to leave. She was crowding me and calling me at work ten times a day. This is what actuallty happened and if anyone thinks it’s terrible or tragic, or that I am a pig, well, that’s your boggle. She met and married someone else and is very happy. And I am happy, too. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/9 "2007-06-22T10:25:58Z")
[QUOTE=Lizard] _sigh_ Yes, I have, and she agreed, although we tend to hang out with a big group of her friends so far. She’s inviting me to whatever they’re doing, so she wants me around, but she’s apparently in no hurry to do more. [/QUOTE] Wait up… you asked her out and she said yes? How much easier is she \*supposed \* to make it for you? I mean, simply mounting a man is a direct and unambiguous way of saying “I like you”, but some people consider it overly aggressive, so we tend to save it for really special cases. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/10 "2007-06-22T10:37:46Z")
[QUOTE=Zambini57] This is what actuallty happened and if anyone thinks it’s terrible or tragic, or that I am a pig, well, that’s your boggle. [/QUOTE] A bit defensive are we? You might want to save that in case someone, you know, actually criticizes you. Otherwise it looks very much like it’s _your_ boggle. As for me, I was in a three-year relationship with a lesbian. Unfortunately, that’s the extent of how interesting that story is. I did no wooing, no brilliant acts of seduction, nothing. She told me she wasn’t interested, it became clear why, I pulled back, we became friends, and all of a sudden bam. I guess I’m just supernaturally charming. Which doesn’t explain why I’m still single over two years later. One of the mysteries of life. ---
**Author:** ![Baffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dec6dc/32.png) [@Baffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baffle)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/11 "2007-06-22T10:39:14Z")
I don’t have the patience, so it didn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/12 "2007-06-22T11:23:50Z")
I can’t think of a case where a woman really liked a man but still “played hard to get”, except for a few psychobitchesfromhell. It’s quite possible that a woman may want to take things slow due to past baggage, etc., but still, a reasonable woman in that situation would let you know that was the case. Sorry about this not being a tale from the small end of the bell curve… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/13 "2007-06-22T12:18:13Z")
Many times. I didn’t get them. No joke. But you keep trying. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/14 "2007-06-22T15:16:00Z")
I’ve been accused of playing hard to get, but never have. I’ve either been uninterested in the guy or a relationship in general (with anyone). Or I dreaded a one-on-one date going wrong and awkward (that’s why groups and parties are so great. You can turn them into a one-on-one thing at any time) (Sorry, I know you asked for _guys’_ stories) ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/15 "2007-06-23T05:04:16Z")
In my 20’s I did this a few times. I set my sight on a girl, became friends, and waited for her to realize what a great guy I was. Was I a great guy? Nope, I was an idiot waiting for something that should be relatively obvious right from the beginning. After traveling around the world I have come to realize that there are huge numbers of women out there. Play the numbers and meet lots of women. There is far more chance of meeting the one who likes you as much as you like them if you do so. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/16 "2007-06-23T06:00:23Z")
If you do chase one ,keep an easier one on the side. Can’t go dry. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/17 "2007-06-23T06:30:28Z")
[QUOTE=gonzomax] If you do chase one ,keep an easier one on the side. Can’t go dry. [/QUOTE] You just made my brain hurt. Were you joking, or is that really how you think of relationships? ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/18 "2007-06-23T08:02:22Z")
I chased a hard to get girl in high school. I chased her for months and never got so much as even a kiss out of her. She would let me spend time with her, and we had fun together, but she would never let it progress to “girlfriend/boyfriend” stage. She even outright told me that she was playing hard to get. Finally, I gave up. Then, she asked a friend of hers to ask me why I wasn’t calling her any more. 😕 I’m pretty sure she wanted me to go back to chasing her. I didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/19 "2007-06-23T08:16:28Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] It would be helpful to have some examples of what you mean by “not making it easy”. [/QUOTE] Restraining orders? 😉 Me, I chased a girl for a year. And one day I got her. We were together for seven years. When we were together, she used to quote me an old Irish adage her mother used to tell her: “He chased her and chased her and chased her… until she caught him.” ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2007, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/20 "2007-06-23T10:34:34Z")
Back when I was a tot in bible-belt southern baptist small town Texas, almost all girls/women were hard to get: they were indoctrinated to be that way. So, I moved to California. Seriously, if the woman in question is playing hard to get, the OP might try playing harder to get than she is. Feigned (or real) indifference can be effective in opening a serious discussion. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957.md?page=2)