# Guys: Ever date a girl who was hard to get? What happened? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957 "2007-06-22T03:45:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/41 "2007-06-25T21:05:44Z")
People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? That’s the type of thing that gets a bwahahahahaha from me, especially the idea that anyone would put out after being told something like that. I guess I’m just not a trained monkey that can be easily controlled or manipulated. Congratulations, **alice** , I remember you posting about that chap…I also met a younger man who pursued me after a lot of hemming and hawing on my part, and I’m wondering what took me so long to be open to the possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/42 "2007-06-25T21:40:47Z")
[QUOTE=KlondikeGeoff] Six months later we were married. That was 55 years ago, and we’re still together. [/QUOTE] Huzzah! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/43 "2007-06-25T21:42:25Z")
[QUOTE=anu-la1979] Congratulations, **alice** , I remember you posting about that chap…I also met a younger man who pursued me after a lot of hemming and hawing on my part, and I’m wondering what took me so long to be open to the possibility. [/QUOTE] You and me both. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/44 "2007-06-25T21:46:20Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] You and me both. 🙂 [/QUOTE] Speaking for myself, I had to wait till younger guys became old enough that it wasn’t creepy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/45 "2007-06-25T22:19:44Z")
Mine piped up after 2 months with an email that stated “Might I presume there to be a mutual attraction between us or do you suppose this is just something I concoted in my imagination?” (yes, really) Because apparently he is a Mr. Darcy for the 2000s. I fell off the chair laughing. I don’t play hard to get or deliberately lead men on and if I don’t think there’s anything there I cut it off pretty quickly rather than waste someone’s effort and time. But, I’ve had some horrible experiences (including dating someone who lied to me about their real name and religion in order to date me) and so I’ve become wary and have a screening process where I know I really like the guy but I want to develop a friendship first so I can figure out his character. I guess I am old-fashioned and out of step with modern dating mores. And very sweet story, **KlondikeGeoff**. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2007, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/46 "2007-06-25T22:37:24Z")
[QUOTE=anu-la1979] People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? That’s the type of thing that gets a bwahahahahaha from me, especially the idea that anyone would put out after being told something like that. [/QUOTE] My hard-to-get girl basically swarmed me under on our second date. Even though that date took about a year to happen.Even though it wasn’t really all that much of a date; more like dinner at her place, followed by an ambush. I guess _I_ was the one who had to ‘put out’ on demand. _shrug_ My wife and I… Well, I weaseled her into bed on our first date. Even though she was the one who asked _me_ out. OK, so she was interested, I still had to be persuasive. No doubt about it, I was agressively intent on getting her into bed, and she was willing to be convinced. I guess she liked it well enough… 18 years later, we’re still together, and still playing similar games (when we have time). 🆒 Heh… Now that I look back, I may have been _her_ “hard-to-get guy.” When we first met, I was still very much involved with _my_ hard-to-get girl. She had to wait for that relationship to run its course, first - nine or ten months. Come to think on it, over the years, past highschool, the number of women I went out with where my interest lasted past the fourth date without some kind of over-riding interest, either in her, or in her body, adds up to… _Hmmm…_ Zero. I’m not monk - not now, not then. So, either she had to be a damned good match for me mentally and emotionally, or had to have other inducements to keep me around, or… I wasn’t around. _Buuut…_ **Demand**..? No. If if a woman wasn’t _that_ interested in me, well, I could, and did, find other women more interested. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/47 "2007-06-26T01:49:49Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] So, don’t give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times. [/QUOTE] I find this very slightly disturbing for some reason. Doesn’t it kind of undermine the whole “no means no” thing that people have been trying to get across to the persistent for some time? I mean, I’m happy for you that it all worked out and everything,\ after you said ‘yes’, but I can just imagine some pig saying, “See? I was right! She _did_ want it!” I guess it boils down to a more subtle communication between people than is embodied only in words. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/48 "2007-06-26T03:24:19Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] I find this very slightly disturbing for some reason. Doesn’t it kind of undermine the whole “no means no” thing that people have been trying to get across to the persistent for some time? [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t think so… She said ‘No,’ he went away… Until tomorrow. And every time she said ‘No,’ he went away. Until the next day. Until she said ‘Yes.’ Just another form of negotiation. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/49 "2007-06-26T03:42:28Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Another story from the “hard to get” girl’s perspective. Around X-mas I met a guy who started asking me out. He asked me out every day and I kept turning him down because he was too young for me. Every day he phoned me, and every day I turned him down. We’re talking about 60 turn downs. About two months of this later we were talking and he said he was going out with a 19 year old. I wished him a good time. He said he would rather go out with me. I said “Well, I suppose I could go out with you sometime.” thinking I was safe because he was going out with a 19 year old. He hung up on me, and called me back about 5 mintues later and said “Ok, I cancelled with her. What time should I pick you up?” He just moved in to my condo. 🙂 So, don’t give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times. [/QUOTE] Umm…that’s beyond fucked up. No offense. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/50 "2007-06-26T06:07:02Z")
[QUOTE=LunaV] You expected a woman to fuck you by the third date? That’s sweet. [/QUOTE] Yes as a matter of fact I am. Consider the following: #1 We are all adults… I was 26-28 at this point in my life, its not like we are talking about people saving themselves for marriage. #2 If you can’t make a call as to whether or not you are willing to go there by the 3rd date (probably a couple weeks after a first meet) you do not find me appealing enough to bother pursuing you much further. #3 If you you do find me appealing enough to go there, go, lifes too short to wander around wondering. #4 Hey Opal, how you doin? #5 If you have “relationship issues” or “bad experiences” that make you a little gunshy, then maybe you are not ready for dating with the big kids quite yet. #6 Many of these women also did not make it to the third date for one reason or another without the issue even coming up. #7 These were all online personal ad connections, you usually know who does and does not have/want kids, religious issues, basic socioeconomic background, etc from email and chat exchanges. The cute woman you saw across the bar you still need to figure all that out. #8 Many women do not expect a man to be as confident as me. I know alot of guys who would sooner peel their own arms with a dull potato peeler than tell a woman you wanted to give her a really really good time. My definition of a really really good time, wondering how you ended up under the fitted sheet, then deciding you dont care and going to sleep. Now, its not like it was wham bam thank you mam and never call back or something many of those women turned into longer term relationships. One I even married. Love you **Cyn** ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/51 "2007-06-26T06:20:49Z")
[QUOTE=anu-la1979] People demand that women sleep with them on the third date, now? Like, outright demand? [/QUOTE] Nothing was ever an outright demand, but if it hadn’t gone there, I made a move, if rejected, I didn’t bother working at it anymore. On many occasions, there was a mutual lack of interest from the get go, no need to even go to a second date, on many other occasions there was obvious chemistry right from the start, and didn’t have to wait for an opportunity. You would never hear me say anything like, “its the 3rd date, time to put out or I’m not calling you ever again.” That IMHO is just stupid. I met over 100 women from personal ads over the 3-4 years I was dating, probably 30% of them I didn’t want to sleep with for one reason or another and never made a second date with so its not like I was just taking everything. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/52 "2007-06-26T07:05:14Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Another story from the “hard to get” girl’s perspective. Around X-mas I met a guy who started asking me out. He asked me out every day and I kept turning him down because he was too young for me. Every day he phoned me, and every day I turned him down. We’re talking about 60 turn downs. About two months of this later we were talking and he said he was going out with a 19 year old. I wished him a good time. He said he would rather go out with me. I said “Well, I suppose I could go out with you sometime.” thinking I was safe because he was going out with a 19 year old. He hung up on me, and called me back about 5 mintues later and said “Ok, I cancelled with her. What time should I pick you up?” He just moved in to my condo. 🙂 So, don’t give up hope just because the gal turns you down 60 odd times. [/QUOTE] I don’t understand this. So did you or did you not want to go out with him at first? If you did, why did you turn him down 60 times? If you didn’t, why did you put up with him asking you out every day for two months? And if you didn’t, how did having to turn him down 60 times not turn you off? And if you didn’t, why would you say ever say yes? ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/53 "2007-06-26T08:37:36Z")
[QUOTE=AudreyK] I don’t understand this. So did you or did you not want to go out with him at first? If you did, why did you turn him down 60 times? If you didn’t, why did you put up with him asking you out every day for two months? And if you didn’t, how did having to turn him down 60 times not turn you off? And if you didn’t, why would you say ever say yes? [/QUOTE] Whew! Glad I’m not the only one who read that and just about had my head explode. I’m wondering if the story is really true. 60 times???!!! If that’s true, it just validated every jerky guy who pesters women over and over after they already said no. I hear women complain so many times about men who keep pestering them for dates. But if that approach actually works, how can you blame them? Personally, I could never do that, even if it _did_ work. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/54 "2007-06-26T08:48:32Z")
I like the way he suddenly becomes interesting when he’s got himself a 19-year-old lined up. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/55 "2007-06-26T16:00:47Z")
Wow - why all the hate? I met a guy that I wasn’t interested in because of his age. He was very sweet, and very cute, and very funny and I liked him **BUT** he was MUCH younger than me so I was reluctant to go out with him. He really, really wanted to go out with me, so he kept asking until I said yes. As far as me only being interested when he had a 19 year old lined up - not so. I tried to talk him out of it. (going out with me) I said he should call her back, she would probably wind up being the mother of his children, you could probably bounce quarters off her ass, etc. As far as the whole no-means-no thing - well, that apparently runs in my family. My mother moved 2 provinces to get away from my dad and he followed her and proposed and they’ve been married for 38 years. My dad was a creepy stalker too, but apparently it worked for him. I’m not sure why everyone is jumping my shit about meeting someone really fantastic, and just taking a bit of time to figure out how fantastic he is. FWIW, I’m blissfully happy, so I don’t much care. 🙂 Anyhow, I don’t want to hijack this anymore. I suppose if anyone want’s to discuss it further they could PM me, or pit me or something. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/56 "2007-06-26T16:22:23Z")
[QUOTE=Tranquilis] I wouldn’t think so… She said ‘No,’ he went away… Until tomorrow. And every time she said ‘No,’ he went away. Until the next day. Until she said ‘Yes.’ Just another form of negotiation. [/QUOTE] As I suspected. I just don’t _do_ body language and subtle clues very well, so I wouldn’t know when the body was saying yes if the mind and voice are saying no. **alice\_in\_wonderland** , it’s just from your words that it sounds like you were pressured into it, not that you took your time to decide, is all. I’m very glad you and he are happy. More power to you. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/57 "2007-06-26T16:33:34Z")
See, this is why I told **Red Barchetta** in his thread to let the girl grab him! 😃 Nothing subtle about that, unless your life is much more exciting than mine. ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/58 "2007-06-26T16:58:29Z")
Thanks for clarifying **drachillix**. I guess I can understand “I am putting on my moves and have a timespan in which I expect to hit relationship milestones before I abandon said efforts”-I guess everyone has their own ideas about what milestones and when they should occur. Third date sex still sounds a little herpetic to me but everyone’s mileage does vary. Then there is something very different about “do X or _else_”. That’s just all shades of gross, creepy and potential abuser. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/59 "2007-06-26T17:05:49Z")
[QUOTE=Sunspace] **alice\_in\_wonderland** , it’s just from your words that it sounds like you were pressured into it [/QUOTE] Cajoled is probably a better word. Also, I was talking to him everyday. It’s not like he called and I screamed “Drop dead loser!” and slammed down the phone everyday. We would talk for hours and then he would say “When are you going to go out with me?” and I would say “Aw, you know I’m too old for you.” Lather, rinse, repeat. Anyhow, not that anyone is interested in the minutiae of my relationship - I just wanted to clear up the impression that I was telling the guy to piss off and he kept calling me back. That’s really not how it happened. /hijack for real now. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2007, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957/60 "2007-06-26T17:33:32Z")
[QUOTE=alice\_in\_wonderland] Cajoled is probably a better word. Also, I was talking to him everyday. It’s not like he called and I screamed “Drop dead loser!” and slammed down the phone everyday. We would talk for hours and then he would say “When are you going to go out with me?” and I would say “Aw, you know I’m too old for you.” Lather, rinse, repeat. Anyhow, not that anyone is interested in the minutiae of my relationship - I just wanted to clear up the impression that I was telling the guy to piss off and he kept calling me back. That’s really not how it happened. [/QUOTE] Thanks for the clarification, because it _did_ sound like you were telling him to go away and he was ignoring that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/guys-ever-date-a-girl-who-was-hard-to-get-what-happened/408957.md?page=4)